Who Am I To You?
by Miss Peg
Summary: Whilst trying to figure out whether they want to be together, Jane and Maura are faced with an even bigger mess when a secret of Jane's threatens their happiness, and co-parenting Maura's son adds to the pressure. SEQUEL TO 'IN A MOMENT'.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note : I am so glad to be back with the sequel to In A Moment. It's taken a little while to get the idea just right, but I'm finally making progress. This chapter is sort of an introductory chapter to set the scene. The first part was obviously very angsty, and whilst the sequel will not be without angst, there should be some happier moments, too. I hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer : I still don't own Rizzoli and Isles. *sigh***

* * *

"Look, Toby, t, that's an American Black Duck, it's a common wat, water bird on this river, and it's got a darker, more chocolate c, coloured body than the female Mallard Duck," Maura said, enunciating the word 'duck' and pointing at the water. "And those are Ring-necked D, ducks, those are Mommy's favourite."

Jane stopped beside them and raised an eyebrow. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?" Maura asked, setting off again along the footpath.

"Talking to him like he graduated college already," said Jane, following.

"It is crucial to his language development that we talk to him p, properly, that way he will learn correct grammar and…pronunciation. It's important that he learns words in context."

Jane folded her arms across her chest. "You can't just say, 'look Toby, duckies,' just once?"

"Why?" Maura asked, shrugging her shoulders. "They are not called duckies and it is in, incorrect to make Toby think otherwise."

"Except every other child his age calls them duckies, do you want to make him an outsider?"

Maura stopped walking. She turned to Jane. "I know you think you're looking out for T, Tobias's best interests, but he's my son and…I get the final say."

"But," Jane began, her attention pulled away by a cyclist slamming her breaks on in front of them, stopping inches from the baby's stroller. Maura jumped back, pulling it with her, and slipping on the damp grass beside her. Jane reached a hand out to stop her from falling. When she was satisfied that nobody was hurt, she turned her attention to the young woman unbuckling her safety helmet. She took a step towards her. "Watch where the hell you're going."

"I, I'm sorry," she said, taken aback, her eyes wide and apologetic.

"Yeah, you should be," Jane said. "Someone could be killed. This is a _pedestrian_ route. If you wanna ride like an idiot, use the road."

"I'm _really_ sorry." She climbed off her bike and pushed it round the side of them. "At least nobody was hurt."

"Nobody, Maura," Jane said, turning to glance at her. "Did you hear that? We have a _baby_ here. If you hadn't stopped when you did he'd be in the water. Got that?"

"I said I was sorry. I don't know what more I can say."

"We accept y, your apology, have a nice day," Maura said.

The young woman forced a smile and pushed her bike onwards. Jane watched as she reattached her helmet, and a few yards away, pushed back off on her bike. When Jane turned her attention back to Maura's dagger eyes, she recoiled.

"What?"

"You c, couldn't have been a...a little nicer to her?"

"She nearly ran you into the river!" said Jane, holding her hand out dramatically towards the water. "You can't tell me that she wasn't in the wrong for going too fast."

"She was going too fast," Maura said, much calmer. "But…nobody was hurt."

"We have been through too much this last year for you to be killed by a cyclist."

"Don't you think you're overreacting…a little?"

"Don't you think you're _under_ -reacting considering your son was nearly killed."

"Over dramatic, much?"

"Seriously?"

"I don't know what more you want me to say," said Maura, running a hand over the baby's head and smiling at him. "Toby is…fine. I'm fine. The only one who isn't fine is y, you, and that's not because you were nearly knocked into the river. Can we just en, enjoy your day off?"

"I'll try," Jane said, putting one foot in front of the other before stopping again. "She's kind of ruined it now. It's too dangerous here. What if she comes back with a group of hairy bikers?"

"On bicycles?" Maura asked, smirking.

"It could happen."

Maura's face lit up. "We could always go back to the Museum of Science. They have a new dinosaur exhibit with fossils from the early Cretaceous period."

"Oh yay," Jane said, sarcastically, holding up her hands in mock-glee. "The early Cretaceous period! That's the best."

"Are you mocking me?"

"You've already dragged us around the the Museum of fancy Arts, the _other_ museum of fancy arts, Harvard Museum of dinosaur bones and the Boston Children's Museum. I don't think there's anywhere else left."

Rolling her eyes, Maura sighed. "Of course there is, there's the Peabody Museum, the MIT Museum, Paul Revere House, the African Meeting House, to name a few."

"How do you know all of these places?"

"Unlike you, I pay a…attention to what is going on around Boston."

"Why do you keep taking me to these places, Maura?" Jane asked, stamping her foot petulantly. "I haven't been to a game in months!"

"There's nothing stopping you going to a game, Jane."

"Err, yeah there is," she said, motioning to the stroller. "You won't let me take Toby."

Maura tilted her head. "Whilst I am more than happy for Toby to learn about b, baseball, he is too young to go to games. Have you seen how fast those…balls go? What if one flew into the crowd and hit him?"

"Unlikely," Jane said. "But if in any event it did happen, I would totally catch it before it got anywhere near him, then depending on who hit it, demand we get it signed so we can pay for his first car."

"I said no," said Maura. "And his first car will cost more than a baseball."

"Fine." Jane folded her arms, her face lighting up. "You know, he's too young for all of the other museums, too."

"I highly doubt that."

"The Museum of fancy Arts, Maura? He's a baby. He doesn't even know the difference between the colours yellow and green, how is he supposed to appreciate Jean-Claude Van Damme?"

"The Museum of _Fine_ Arts," she corrected. "I'm not sure who V, Van Damme is, but he's not a painter."

"The sunflower guy."

"Van Gogh."

"Yeah. Him."

"Toby loved the sunflowers when I showed him a print. I think he liked the colours."

"He did?" Jane shook her head and looked down at Toby. "You did? Are you trying to betray me here, buddy?" She glanced back at Maura. "My point is, please, please, can we go someplace else?"

"How about we just go home?"

"But it's boring at home."

"I'll let Toby watch the game with you on the television."

"I suppose we could do that," Jane said, glancing around nonchalantly.

"I'll allow you two beers, no more," Maura said. "We can even get some take-out pizza for dinner."

"From Mancini's?" Maura nodded. "Deal."

A couple of hours later, Jane sat down on the couch in Maura's living room with Toby, dressed in a tiny Red Sox jersey, on her lap.

"He'll grow out of that quicker than his last one," Maura said, sitting down beside them.

"Then I'll buy him another one," Jane said, jiggling him around on her knees until he started giggling. "Won't I, Tobes?"

"Toby," Maura said.

"Come _on_ , Maura."

"He is my son and I want him to have a good start in life," she said. "I do not like the nickname Tobes."

"You don't have to like it, he does. And you love it, don't you?" Jane lifted him onto his feet. At the same moment, he opened his mouth and vomited down his clothes.

"I guess not," Maura said, smirking.

"It's a good job we bought you both colours, isn't it?" Jane said, standing up and lifting him onto her hip. She carried him across the room towards the stairs. She lifted her foot onto the bottom step when the doorbell went.

"Ooh, pizza!" Jane said, diverting to the door. She pulled it open, and came face to face with the cyclist from earlier in the day.

"Oh," she said, her shoulders sunk and the light disappeared from her face. "It _is_ you."

"What's me?" Jane asked, confused. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Looking for you, _I think_. Are you Jane Rizzoli?"

"I am. Who are you?"

"I really didn't want it to be you," she said, more to herself than to Jane.

"I don't mean to be rude," Jane said, gritting her teeth. "But I don't exactly have all day."

"I'm your daughter."

* * *

 **Author Note : So...that's a bit of a cliffhanger...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note : Thank you so, so much to everyone who has commented, favourited, and followed. It's so lovely to know that people are enjoying my story - especially when it's only just getting started. I am under strict instructions from wolvesjr34 not to write any of my other stories and to just focus on this one, but we'll see. A massive thank you to her for being my informal beta and encouraging me the way she does. If you've not been reading her story The Catch 22 Killer, you should - it's epic! Onwards with our girls...**

* * *

"My..." Jane began, but Maura cut her off.

"Your what?"

Jane stared at the young woman in front of her. In the drama by the river she hadn't got much of a look at her, now she could see her properly, and her heart leapt into her throat. Her shoulder length hair was dark, and though it appeared straight, Jane suspected it was more from attention than nature. Her eyes fixed on Jane's, even if she wanted to look away, she felt compelled not to. Maura's watchful eye hovered beside her.

"Your _daughter_ ," the woman clarified, handing over a birth certificate. "You gave me up twenty-two years ago."

"Jane, what is she talking about?" Maura asked, her face ashen.

Everything Jane had built shook with the earthquake revelation. She turned to Maura with her stupidest smile. "Erm, surprise?"

Maura's shoulders sunk. How quickly she retreated hit Jane square in the chest and she struggled to breath. When she took Toby out of her hands, Jane's heart broke in two. She watched them disappear towards the stairs.

"I guess she didn't know about me," the woman said, pulling Jane's attention back to the doorway.

"You can't be my daughter," she said, carefully analysing the birth certificate. Her senior year signature scrawled at the bottom.

"Can't?" Her brow furrowed and Jane knew she'd said the wrong thing.

"No," she said, desperate to get rid of her, to put the whole thing back in its box where it belonged. Her voice cracked under the pressure. "You must have got me confused with someone else."

"I know when people are lying," she said, with a defiance that impressed Jane. She clenched her fist, her whole body tensed up. "And you, you're lying."

"I'm sorry." She stared at the ground. The morning hadn't gone well, and all Jane could think about was how hard she'd drove into the woman for cycling too fast. "I, I'm in shock, I guess."

"Can I come in?"

Despite everything that had happened since their first meeting, the young woman still stared at Jane with all of the hope left in the world. She saw the smallest ounce of Angela Rizzoli in her, in the way she looked like she honestly believed everything would work out eventually.

"I, I was about to go out," she said, watching the hope slip away. She coughed to disguise the vulnerability creeping into her voice as she handed the birth certificate back to her. "Meeting at work."

"On a Sunday?"

"I'm a detective."

"I know."

"You know?"

"It wasn't easy to track you down," she said. "You never stay anywhere for long."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jane asked, feeling defensive.

"One minute you're at a condo across town, then you're at Boston Police Department, or a crime scene, then you're here. Knowing which is like playing Russian roulette with an overexcited puppy and kibble."

Jane gritted her teeth. In all of the years she'd considered what this moment would be like, it certainly didn't match up with reality. She just couldn't stop herself from putting her foot in her mouth.

"Now isn't a good time," Jane said, the last bit of hope dissipating from the young girl's expression.

"Who's the baby?" she asked, trying to recapture the vision she'd had over their meeting.

"Toby," Jane said, glancing back at the space vacated by Maura.

"Is he your son?"

"No," Jane said, shaking her head as she forged a smile. "Maybe you could leave a number."

She nodded, and pulled out a slip of paper with her details on. Jane folded it into the pocket of her jeans. "I was going to put it in the mailbox if nobody was home."

"Thank you," Jane said, her attention wavering as Maura carried the baby back into the living area. She turned back to the woman. "Bye then."

"Wait," she said, placing a hand on the other side of the door before Jane could close it. "I'm Ashley, by the way."

Jane nodded briefly, and held up a hand as she pushed the door closed. She turned her attention to Maura, staring at her from across the room, and hoped that the woman still stood on the other side of the door would leave soon. She tried to contain her feelings, but everything had just exploded inside of her and she couldn't stop it.

"You were rude to her," Maura said, harshness seeping through.

"I," Jane began, but no words would form. She hadn't spoken about this in twenty-two years, she didn't think she could start now.

"You could have at least...invited her in."

"Yeah," Jane said, walking into the living room and stalking past Maura. She picked up a couple of beers and carried them out the back door. What she needed was to be alone.

The woman didn't move from the doorstep. Maura shifted the baby on her hip. It took all of her energy not to open the door and invite her inside. It took just as much not to follow Jane to the guest house and demand an explanation. Sometimes Maura considered how much she knew about Jane, and then something happened to make her doubt ever really knowing her at all. Toby grizzled and pushed his face against her neck. The woman had gone.

"Is it time for a nap?" Maura asked, wrapping her arm around his back and carrying him up to the nursery.

She laid him down and watched him wriggle about, staring up at her with his big, brown eyes. She ran a finger along his cheek and leant down to place a kiss on his forehead. Approaching his first birthday, everything had settled down in recent months. Maura couldn't help but feel a little angry that once again their lives had been thrown a curve ball. They'd fallen into such an easy routine that Maura didn't want to risk that, which was the only reason why she hadn't finally given Jane an answer to the ever lingering question.

"Mommy loves you," Maura said, switching on the mobile which played a soothing tune. She sat in the rocking chair across the room and waited for Toby's squawking to quieten down, and his gentle snores to seep through as the music slowed.

Later that afternoon, after completing a few chores, Maura went upstairs to check on Toby. When she heard Jane's voice, she stopped in the hallway.

"I guess your mama's mad at me," she said, holding him against her stomach and kissing his head. "She's right to be. I didn't tell her a really important thing about me and that hurt her. You'll learn all about secrets and lies soon enough. I hope you'll learn how not to hurt someone by keeping things to yourself. I don't think it's possible. Besides, I don't really know why I didn't tell her. It's not like she'd care. I mean, of course she'd care, but she wouldn't care that I have a kid out there. A very big, very grown up kid. And you know what? I think it's kind of cool that she thought you were her little brother, because I love your mama so much. Even if she still hasn't decided how she feels about me. But you, kid, you're special and I love you just as much. Sometimes I feel like your mama, too, and I know your mama might not like that, because we're just friends, but you are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I don't mind," Maura said, walking into the room. Her eyes fixed on Toby, sitting comfortably on Jane's lap. The best thing to come out of the last year, aside from her child, was the woman who loved him unconditionally, giving him as much love and attention as Maura herself.

She walked forwards, her smile tentative. Jane stood up and placed Toby in his crib. Maura's eyes filled with tears. Her love for Jane consumed her, but she was hurting. The absence of the truth over Jane's daughter was so significant that Maura couldn't find a way past how it made her feel. On the other hand, Jane was there, being everything she ever wanted in a partner. She closed the gap and stared up into Jane's eyes.

"I don't mind," she said again, her eyes trailing down to Jane's lips and back up to her eyes. Her heart beat faster; her lips grew dry.

"I don't know," Jane's voice trailed off, a hint of emotion creeping into it.

Maura opened her mouth to respond, but Toby screeched from his crib, his little hands clinging to the railing as he stood there demanding attention. She averted her gaze and picked him up.

"I think it's snack time," she said, carrying him out of the room.

Jane placed a glass of wine on the coffee table in front of Maura and sat down beside her. Maura stared at the glass. They'd avoided each other for the rest of the afternoon, and despite having invited Jane into the main house for dinner, Maura wasn't sure she wanted to socialise with her into the evening. She couldn't shake the image of the woman stood on the doorstep long after Jane had closed the door. A feeling of betrayal sneaked up on her that she knew was misplaced, but couldn't help feel it anyway.

"You know I'm not very good at this," Jane said, lifting her foot under her leg and turning to Maura. She swallowed a mouthful of wine.

"Not very good at w-what?" Maura asked, wanting clarification before she continued.

"What do you mean?"

"What aren't you good at, Jane?" She picked up her own glass. "T-telling me the truth about things in your…life, or being honest about y-your feelings?"

"Both. You know me, Maura."

"Do I?"

Dejection ran over Jane's face and she retreated slightly, sitting back against the couch. Maura knew it was a low blow, but it was how she felt and she didn't think it was right to pretend otherwise.

"What you said to Toby..." Maura said, sensing that it wasn't the right time to discuss something so sensitive – to both of them.

Jane stared into the bottom of her wine. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's okay," Maura said. "I know that what we have is...c-complex...but I feel like you're as much his mother as I am. You've been here through ev-everything, and you didn't need to. You did it because, because you love him, because you love _us_."

A slight shrug of the shoulders was all Jane could offer in return. Maura gritted her teeth. She knew not being honest with Jane about her own feelings – about them – was hurting Jane as much as Jane's secret was hurting her.

"I'm sorry that I haven't given you a straight answer," she said, fighting the desire to wrap herself up in Jane's arms. She couldn't go there now. Not when everything was so fragile. It had taken five months for her speech to return to something resembling normal, now everything had fallen apart once more.

"It's fine. You don't need to."

Except that Maura knew it wasn't. She could see it in Jane's eyes. She could see it in the way she looked at her sometimes, desperately hopeful, yet severely disappointed.

"You deserve m-more than I've been able to give you," she whispered, fixing her own attention upon her glass.

"I don't want more," Jane said, her words laced with sadness. "Maura."

"I know," Maura said, shaking her head. To keep her waiting was unfair.

"About… _her_ ," Jane said, her voice trailing off.

"Ashley?"

"Yeah. _Ashley_."

"What I said," Maura said. "I didn't mean to sound…s-so harsh earlier."

"You have a right to be pissed."

"I'm trying not to be."

"It's a lot to take in," said Jane, and Maura could tell it was as true for herself as it was for Maura.

"Forgive me if I ask for more time?" she asked, knowing it was a lot to ask given the six months Jane had already been waiting.

Jane placed a hand on Maura's arm and she stared at her fingers, resting so gently upon her bare skin. Maura met her gaze. "I'd wait forever, Maur."

" _No_. I don't want that."

"You don't?"

"No," Maura said. "I want you to be happy. If you find…someone else…I won't stand in your way."

"Oh."

The devastation in her voice and spread across her face broke Maura's heart. What she'd effectively done was tell Jane that there was no hope, and that was her biggest mistake. She just couldn't find another way of explaining what she meant. She needed Jane to know that there was no point hanging around expecting her to confirm that she loved her too, even though it would come. What she said was the truth. She wanted Jane to be happy, and if that meant letting her go, then she would do it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note : Thank you so much to each and every one of you who has read, commented, reviewed and/or favourited this story. Every response is so lovely to see, and I'm forever grateful to you all for following this journey. It's taked me a little longer than I was hoping to get this chapter out. I didn't entirely intend to back Jane into a bit of a corner in the last chapter, so it's been a challenge to find a way out of that corner for her.**

* * *

 _Tiny fingers wrapped tightly around Jane's thumb. An act of defiance against a decision she still wasn't sure she wanted to make. An act of love already transported from skin to skin. Jane sat in the hospital bed, clutching the tiny person she had somehow created. Her eyes remained closed. The one thing Jane would never get to see. But her face; her squirmy, little, alien face filled Jane with an emotion she didn't want to process. If she did, she knew that giving her up_ _would_ _be nigh on impossible. She shook her head. It was too hard._

 _"You don't have to do this, Janie," Frankie Rizzoli Senior said, squeezing her shoulder. "You know your Ma and I would bring her up."_

 _"I do," she said. The sheer thought of having the child there, in her life but not hers, was too much to bear. Her eyes filled with unwanted tears. She fought to keep them at bay, knowing it was a fruitless attempt. "I have to do this."_

 _"Jane."_

 _"I'm fine." The tears streaming down her cheeks said otherwise. She swiped them away with the back of her hand. "I_ will _be fine."_

 _Her father's hand gave her shoulder another squeeze. Jane stared at him. The disappointment etched across his face the day she told him she was pregnant had long since been replaced by acceptance._

 _"Do it," she whispered, squeezing her eyes tightly shut until she felt the weight of the baby shift off of her chest. The door opened and closed, and she knew the baby was gone. When the door opened and closed a second time, Jane opened her eyes. Frank Senior reached for her hand, rubbing his fingertips across her palm. Jane stared into his eyes, a desperate plea for peace she knew would be a long time coming. "Thanks."_

Jane pulled a crumbled photograph out of her wallet and unfolded it. The creases had damaged the picture and the colour had faded long ago, but she could still see her daughter sleeping in her arms hours after she was born. The only thing she had to remember her by. An aching in her throat threatened to consume her. She coughed to disguise her tears as the elevator travelled down, and hoped that nobody would press the button to call it to a stop.

A moment later, the elevator slowed and the doors pinged. Jane shoved the photograph back into the pocket of her blazer and cleared her throat. The door opened and Maura stood on the other side. Jane turned away as Maura entered the elevator and pressed the button down to the morgue.

"Good morning," she said. Jane mumbled a response. Her voice still laced with emotion. She cleared her throat again and scratched the space below her eyes in an attempt to remove the last of her tears.

Jane rubbed the scars on her palms. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. There were too many things lingering in the air that Jane could barely breath. She forced oxygen into her lungs, allowing it to stay there for a moment before she exhaled again.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, forcing confidence into her voice.

"The body this morning," Maura said. "My new a-a-assistant, Aimee, called in sick, so I came in to complete the autopsy."

"I thought you were cutting back."

"I'm working four days this w-week instead of three," Maura said, her eyes narrowed. "Next week I will work t-three."

"Where's Toby?"

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Maura stepped out and Jane followed behind her. She wasn't ready for their conversation to be over, and since she was down there, she might as well find out what they knew about the body.

Maura placed her purse on the couch in her office and removed her jacket. She turned to Jane, her hands clasped in front of her. The conversation had no valid purpose, but she appeased Jane anyway. "Toby is with your…mother until the babysitter can c-come this afternoon."

"Don't blame me if he comes home having eaten his weight in spaghetti," Jane said, rolling her eyes and smirking in an attempt to lighten the mood. Maura smiled in return, thankful that they could move past the uncomfortable atmosphere that had surfaced since the night before. Hurting Jane by informing her that she could find someone else had not been her intention. On the contrary, it had hurt herself more.

"Would you like to help me prepare the body?" she asked, offering an olive branch.

Jane raised an eyebrow. She didn't think the words 'not a chance in hell' would go down too lightly, so she swallowed her pride, nodded her head and removed her jacket. "I'll watch."

Maura handed Jane a gown and disposable booties. She groaned, but put them on anyway. Maura disappeared behind the screen in her office to changed into her black scrubs and led Jane into the examination room.

"Susie's already d-done much of the preliminary work, including r-recording any distinguishing features," Maura said, picking up a dental scan and x-ray. Jane watched from the sidelines as Maura noted things down and crossed things off her list. When she spread the woman's legs, Jane looked away. Over the years Jane had witness multiple autopsies, but seeing the genital exam never got easier. "No sign of any t-trauma. Despite natural tearing to the hymen, I s-suspect this woman has never had in-intercourse."

"So we're looking for someone who kills virgins?" Jane asked.

Maura tilted her head. "We're n-not even sure this woman was murdered. There is a substantial chance that s-she merely drowned after falling into the river. We won't know until her tox…screen comes back whether alcohol or narcotics were involved. H-hand me a scalpel."

The tray of tools in front of Jane all looked similar. She carefully selected the most scalpel-like blade and handed it across. When Maura pushed the blade into the woman's shoulder, Jane flinched. She turned away and waited for Maura to finish the initial cut. It was bad enough that this woman was having her whole body cut up like a slice of meat, but when her skin was bloated from the effects of being in water for so long, it made the whole thing feel infinitely worse.

The woman's body had been discovered first thing, presumably a drunken party-goer who had fallen into the Charles, only to be washed up a couple of weeks later. Maura hated to work on drowning victims above most other deaths. The swelling to the body and early decay, left them very little to go off and the chance of identifying the poor woman was slim without requesting dental records.

"Did she drown?" Maura tilted her head and stared at Jane. "I _know_ , wait until you've finished."

"We won't know u-until I've removed her organs, I-I haven't even cut through the ribs."

"I hate that bit," Jane said.

Maura pressed the scalpel through the woman's skin. At least if they focused on the autopsy then they wouldn't have to discuss their relationship. Had she not had a body to focus on, she would have easily crumbled.

"Did you determine how old she is?" Jane asked.

"From the length of the leg bone," Maura began, only for Jane to cut her off.

"Just her age, Maura."

"I would estimate between eighteen and twenty-one."

"This is the sixth body to come out of the Charles in two months."

"Drinking too much increases a p-person's chances of being injured…or killed. Alcohol is a factor in sixty per cent of fatal burns injuries, d-drownings, and homicides. It's a little lower at fifty per cent in severe trauma and sexual assaults…and forty per cent in motor v-vehicle accidents, suicides, and fatal falls."

"Tell me, Doctor Google," Jane said. "What any of that has to do with our victim?"

Maura placed her scalpel down on the tray. "Given the l-location of where the body washed up, and the…amount of materials on the clothing, I would say that our victim could have att-attended one of Boston's colleges. Her clothing, or lack there-of, indicate she may have been attending a party on the night she died."

Jane closed her eyes and leant against the slab. When she opened them again, the young girl was still lay in front of her with her body sliced open. The sixth young person to be pulled from the Charles, the sixth young _woman_. The similarity in age to the woman who had turned up on her doorstep yesterday didn't escape her notice. Although she had spent twenty years trying to put her child out of her mind, there were constant reminders at every turn.

"You have to find out what happened, Maura," Jane said, tapping her foot against the tiles. "Why is it taking so long?"

"It isn't," Maura said. She watched Jane for a moment. Her eyes bore down on the woman's face; on the anguish evident in the way she held her features, like finding out what happened to the victim mattered more than usual. Jane shook her head, pulled off the gown and disappeared into Maura's office. She sighed, removed her gloves and followed her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Jane said, throwing herself down on the couch. Maura walked over and picked up Jane's jacket, tossing it carefully onto a chair, as she sat down. The jacket landed on the arm and something fluttered onto the floor. Jane jumped forward at the same time Maura picked it up. "Don't."

Maura's shoulder's sunk. The way Jane behaved the day before had concerned her more than she was willing to admit. Being in the same situation as Ashley just a few years earlier, she didn't appreciate how Jane handled her daughter's appearance. But the photograph in her hand made her doubt her original assumptions. "You've been thinking about her, haven't you?"

"Who?" Jane asked, sitting back against the couch and folding her arms. She pawed at her cheeks, but Maura could see the glistening of tears upon her skin.

"You know who."

Jane bit her lip. Neither of them had to say her name. They both knew who Jane was thinking about.

"She's a similar age," Jane said, holding her hand out towards the door to the examination room.

"She is."

"She has dark hair. She's tall."

"So do hundreds of women in the city," Maura said.

"I don't know what to do."

"Do you want to see her?"

"I don't know."

"She wants to see you."

"I know."

"You owe her something, Jane," Maura said, placing the photograph on Jane's knee and standing up. "I know that you have a lot o-on your mind at the moment. I want to s-support you. I just don't know how much use I will be."

"I don't expect you to," Jane said, folding the photograph back up and returning it to her wallet. She stood up and reached for Maura's ungloved hand. "Maura."

"I don't know what you want from me," Maura said, reclaiming her hand and holding it against her. She took a step towards the examination room. "I hate the t-thought of leaving a body open any l-longer than necessary."

"It's fine," Jane said, shrugging her shoulders. "You don't have time. Finding out what happened to the victim is more important."

"It's not _more_ important, Jane." Maura didn't appreciate the suggestion that it did. She was finding it harder than she expected watching Jane's indecisiveness over her daughter, and until that changed, Maura didn't think she could be the support network that Jane obviously needed.

"I'll see you around," Jane said, picking up her jacket and swanning out of the room.

Maura sighed and stared at the space vacated by Jane. There was little she could do to rectify the issue now, and there was a body waiting for her. She closed the office door and returned to the examination room to complete the autopsy.

* * *

 **Author Note : Hopefully it won't take me long to get the next chapter up after this one, though I'm out late tonight so up early tomorrow, and got a family thing at some point this week. We shall see! It's been raining a lot, so there's nothing much else to be doing (except push my wet cat off my lap when he comes in from the rain, haha). Thoughts most welcome, but please, be nice/constructive!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Notes : Sorry it's taken me so long to get another chapter up, stuff happens, distractions occur. I don't know when the next chapter will be up after this one, but hopefully the wait till be a little shorter. Thanks to everyone who has shown an interest in this story, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

"Ma," Jane said, slipping onto the bar stool in front of her, anything to make it harder to make a quick getaway. "This is Ashley."

"Hi Ashley," Angela said, her lips curved into a smile as she handed Jane a glass of cola. "What can I get you?"

"How about a hug?" Jane asked, then hesitated. "Ashley's my _daughter_."

"Oh."

The colour in Angela's face drained away, her eyes moved from Jane to the young woman in front of her. A heavy weight settled on her chest. She wanted to follow Jane's request but her legs refused to budge, and her heart smashed against her chest like a hockey player stopping his opponent.

"Ma?" Jane's voice broke through the silence.

Angela's feet finally moved, she walked around the bar and wrapped her arms around her granddaughter. A couple of tears slipped down her cheek. She brushed them away and straightened up, placing both hands on the balls of Ashley's shoulders.

"She's got the Rizzoli look; don't you think?" Jane asked.

"I thought I'd never get to meet you," Angela said, resting a hand on Ashley's cheek.

"It's lovely to meet you, Mrs Rizzoli," Ashley said, the formality of her words clashing with the arms she placed around Angela's back.

"It's so lovely to meet you too, Ashley, and please, you don't need to call me Mrs Rizzoli. It's Angela. Or Grandma."

Jane cleared her throat. The family reunion was hard enough without seeing how well it was going between her mother and daughter. A long dissipated resentment lingered in her periphery.

"Can we get a couple of burgers?" Jane asked, despite it barely being lunchtime and a lack of hunger. "You want lunch?"

"Okay."

"Right," Angela whispered, swiping at stray tears on her chin. She walked back behind the bar. "Do you want a burger or would you like something else?'

Sliding into a booth, Jane looked across at Ashley. She tried to connect the tiny baby she'd handed over twenty-two years ago to the woman in front of her. She couldn't. The young woman had a familial look, one that made Jane feel the comfort of family. But how she felt was almost like a distant relative. Deep down she knew it ran further than that, though something stopped her from allowing it to surface.

"That wasn't fair," Ashley said, her smile quickly fading.

"I thought you wanted this," Jane said. "To meet your family."

Ashley sighed, her eyes skirting past Jane towards her mother. She followed her gaze and they sat in silence, watching as Angela cleared away dirty glasses.

"You ambushed me. You ambushed her," she nodded her head across the room.

"I thought this is what you wanted," Jane repeated. Her heart sunk. Ashley's earlier smile was replaced by disappointment. "I called you because I was trying to do the right thing."

"By introducing me to my grandmother?'

"Yes. It means a lot to her, I know it does."

"Really?" Ashley asked. "Because the woman I hugged looked as surprised as I felt. Can't you see how sad she looks?"

"It's complicated."

"Complicated. Right." Ashley rolled her eyes. "Like, don't ask because I'm not going to tell you. I didn't come here to meet my relatives, Jane. I came because I wanted to give you a second chance."

"Look, Ashley," Jane said, reaching across the table and letting her hand rest beside her daughter's. "I made a mistake at the house. Talk about an ambush. I thought I signed the documents where they wouldn't give my name to you."

Ashley shook her head and lowered her gaze. "You're a real gift that keeps on giving, aren't you?"

"I'm...sorry?"

"You never wanted this." She lifted her eyes up to meet Jane's again. "You didn't want to meet me. The way you've behaved since I turned up only reinforces that."

"That's not true," Jane said, her voice strained as it came out. "Ashley. I, I don't know you. I should. But I don't. I don't know how to do this, this parenting thing. I knew then what I continue to know now. I'd make a terrible mother."

"You seemed to be comfortable with your friend's baby."

"My friend...yeah," Jane said. "Well, I don't know if I could look after him on my own, parent him on my own. She's the voice of reason. She knows how to change a diaper ten different ways. She knows all about child development and superfoods."

"Unless you haven't noticed, I don't need a caregiver. I just wanted to find out where I'm from."

Jane clasped her hands together and leant forwards. She allowed her mind to draft back to the night she gave birth, the night when everything changed. She swallowed a lump in her throat. "You came from a scared child who had no idea what she was doing."

"You're not a child anymore," Ashley said.

The tension between them hit Jane hard. She didn't envisage meeting her daughter this way, but trying to pull herself out of where they were was proving even harder. "No, I'm not. I grew into an adult who feels the same way. I'm sorry. I wish I could be more for you."

"I guess I expected too much." Ashley sighed. "Reality failed to live up to expectation. My friends tried to warn me. That's life, I suppose. You don't have to pretend you want this now, out of guilt."

She lifted a twenty out of her purse and dropped it on the table, before standing up.

"Ashley," Jane said, though she didn't know what else to say. The name drifted into the silence between them as Ashley stared at her, waiting for a moment, before responding.

She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes glistened under the dull light of the bar. "I had a good life. My mom, the woman who brought me up for twenty-one years, was everything to me. I didn't need you then, I don't need you now."

"Twenty-one?"

"I have to go," Ashley said, her voice laced with tears as she waved a hand across to Angela and slipped out of the Dirty Robber.

Jane waited until she left before walking across the bar with their half empty drinks and slipping back onto a bar stool opposite her mother. Angela continued to clean a refrigerator, restocking it with bottles of beer. Watching her work was therapeutic, but what Jane needed more than anything was to talk.

"I thought you had Toby," she said, hoping it would break the ice she sensed lingered between them. Going there, introducing Ashley to her, was always going to be a risk.

"The babysitter came early, she picked him up half an hour ago."

She waited, allowed the silence to fall back over them, an uncomfortable tension that Jane wished she could hit in order to get rid of it. She knew it would never be that simple.

"I screwed up, Ma," she said, the weight of her day settled uncomfortably on her shoulders. "I don't know how to be around her."

"What do you want me to do about it?" Angela asked, standing up and facing Jane. "You made your bed twenty years ago."

"Ma," Jane whispered, the force of so few words colliding with her already cracked heart. Her eyes stung. She rubbed them, trying to ward off the onset of tears.

Angela turned her back to her and continued to restock the fridge. "I'm busy."

"But Ma," Jane said, before she was quickly cut off.

"I said I'm busy, Jane." Angela gripped the refrigerator door in front of her and lowered her head. "Go back to work."

x

 _Angela ran into the hospital room, gasping for breath as she stopped beside the bed. Her brow creased and her lips pressed tightly together as she searched the room. Jane watched her, her heart already breaking as her mother's eyes filled with tears._

 _"Where...?" Angela asked, her voice grew smaller as it trailed into the silence, and her eyes landed on the empty cot._

 _"You know where," Frank Senior said._

 _Jane turned over onto her side, glancing up at the small window on the opposite side of the room. Her emotions had already taken more than enough of a hit today, she didn_ _'_ _t think she could handle much more. The little girl_ _'_ _s face was still etched on the backs of her eyelids. She closed her eyes and remembered as much as she could, the memory already too fleeting to grasp hold of. A lump settled in the back of her throat._

 _"You couldn't just let me see her? Once?" Angela asked, her words tangled up with tears and sadness._

 _The pain in her mother_ _'_ _s voice, the disappointment, made Jane feel ten times worse. She_ _'_ _d just given up the child she refused to believe she loved, but by doing so, she had broken her mother_ _'_ _s heart. She squeezed her eyes together tightly until the image of her daughter disappeared, and she allowed her tears to fall down her cheeks._

x

Back in the squad room, Jane looked through the closed case she'd been working on. With Maura's assurance that the victim of a drowning was just that, her death was filed away as accidental and the case had been quickly closed. The case in front of her was from several months ago, one she remembered working on but had never quite managed to crack. She didn't know why she chose it, but the inane task of going over every piece of evidence in the file was enough to pull Jane's mind away from her failed attempt at lunch with her daughter.

"You're gonna burn a hole in that page with your eyes," Korsak said.

Jane lifted her gaze across the room. "Huh?"

"You've been staring at that page for a half hour."

"Oh," Jane whispered, placing it back down into the case file. She rubbed her temple, a distant niggling pain hovered inside her head. Ashley's last words played over again in her mind.

 _"I had a good life. My mom, the woman who brought me up for twenty-one years was everything to me. I didn't need you then, I don't need you now."_

She pulled up a browser and searched Ashley's name; over two million hits. She added "mother" to her search and cut it down to just news reports. Still there were hundreds of articles, mostly made up of other people with the same last name, or other mothers, including several famous people called Ashley who had children. Jane slammed the mouse down against her desk and rested her head against her hand.

"What's got in your bonnet?" Frankie asked, walking across the room and sitting down at his desk.

"Nothing," she said, pushing her chair back and standing up. "I've gotta go see Maura."

Down in the morgue, Maura sat at her desk doing paperwork. She could feel Jane lingering in the doorway, watching her as she worked, but she couldn't bring herself to look up the second she appeared. The last couple of days had been a rollercoaster of emotions, and Maura didn't know how much more she could take.

"Jane." Maura finally lifted her head, her eyes reached Jane's quickly. "What can I h-help you with?"

"I need to talk to you," Jane said, walking into the room and taking a seat opposite Maura. "I need your help."

"Is this related to work?"

"No," Jane said. "It's related to Ashley."

Maura sighed, clasped her hands together and looked at Jane. Sometimes she wondered if Jane ever listened to a word she said. "I have already told you, I d-don't know I can be much help."

"I need to find out if Ashley's mother, the one who adopted her, is still alive."

Maura's brow furrowed, not only was she turning up unannounced after their last conversation, but she wanted something from her. Maura could feel anger building. "I don't believe that's entirely e-ethical."

"I don't care," Jane said, slamming her hand down against the arm of the chair. "I need to know."

"Have you tried asking Ashley?"

Jane shook her head, her eyes rolled back into their sockets. "Hey, why didn't I think of that?"

"There's no need to be rude."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Maura asked, standing up and walking around the side of her desk. "I d-don't think you realise how much this h-hurts, Jane."

"How much what hurts?" Jane stood up beside her. "This isn't about you, Maura. I'm sorry if me being sarcastic upsets you, but I've had a crappy day."

Maura stood upright and took a deep breath. "If you don't know why this would hurt me, then we are done here."

"But Maura," Jane said, holding her hands out at her sides.

"Goodbye, Jane."

Maura turned her back and filed through her in-tray. Every item in it had been dealt with after she'd completed the autopsy, but she continued to shuffle the papers around until she heard Jane's footsteps enter the corridor and disappear.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Notes : Apparently my little fluffle of plot bunnies are very active tonight, so much so that most of the next chapter is written as well as this one - and the next one is a big one! I will work on that again tomorrow. For now, you get this one. As always, thanks to everyone who has shown an interest in this story through commenting, favouriting and following. The fact you're here at all is awesome enough.**

* * *

Two days had passed since she'd said more than a couple of words to Jane. An awkward conversation over a pot of coffee did little to pull them away from the place they'd landed themselves in, and Maura didn't know how she wanted to deal with it. On the one hand she wanted to talk to her, to listen to what it was she'd wanted to say before Maura cut her off. But on the other hand she still held a lot of anger inside over the way Jane was treating Ashley. She stepped into the elevator in the parking garage and pressed the button for the first floor. She needed a cup of coffee before she started work, even if that resulted in her running into Jane. She glanced up at the display as someone stepped into the elevator beside her and pressed the second floor button. The doors closed in front of them and Maura stood silently, watching the numbers change as the elevator travelled upwards.

"Are you Jane's friend?"

Maura turned her head when the woman spoke to her, her eyes trailed up and down the police uniform and the carefully secured bun holding up the unruly curls of Jane's daughter.

"Ashley, hello," Maura said, her lips curled at the sides. She turned her body. "What are you d-doing here? I didn't realise you were…a police officer."

"Yes," she said. "What about you? Are you visiting Jane?"

"No," Maura said, shaking her head. "I work here."

"Are you a detective, too?" Ashley asked, a look of doubt spreading across her face as she glanced down at Maura's dress and five inch heels.

"No." Maura laughed. "I'm the Chief Medical Examiner."

"Oh, I didn't realise."

"Is today your first day?" Maura asked, her eyes landed on Ashley's hands gripping the sides of her trousers, her knuckles growing white.

"Do I look that nervous?" she asked, chewing on her bottom lip.

Maura reached out to rest a hand on her upper arm, but thought better of it. "You will be fine."

"If I don't throw up all over my new uniform," she said, closing her eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Maura hovered in the doorway. "What time are they e-expecting you?"

"I have to meet Lieutenant Washington at nine."

"It's only eight thirty," Maura said, motioning towards the café. "Would you like to get a d-drink? Settle your nerves a little."

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all," Maura said. "We've all b-been there."

At the front of the line, Maura ordered their drinks and they took a seat in a corner out of the way. Maura had left long before Jane that morning, but she'd had to drop Toby off at daycare. The risk of her spotting them was higher than Maura would have liked. Whilst she didn't think it should matter, the situation was too tremulous for her to be pushing Jane's buttons by socialising with her daughter. Maura turned her attention to Ashley. The young woman looked presentable for her first day; she also looked like she was about to lose the contents of her stomach.

"Did you start your training in the last academy?" Maura asked.

"No," Ashley replied. "I trained in Vermont. I transferred. I had to join the new recruits for a few sessions. I joined when I was eighteen."

"What made you decide to transfer here?"

Ashley's gaze shifted to the table, and her hands wrapped around the cardboard cup in front of her.

"Jane," Maura said, noting the brief nod of Ashley's head.

"In part. Look, you're Jane's friend. I don't want this to be awkward," Ashley said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh believe me," Maura said, lifting up her coffee. "T-this isn't as awkward as things are between Jane and…I, right now."

"Oh."

Maura sighed. She'd missed being able to talk to Jane about how she was feeling, and even then, she had never really understood what it was like to be adopted. "I was adopted, too. I've been…through what you're going t-through, I met my biological parents, and to say it was n-not what I expected would be an…understatement."

Ashley's attention shifted to the clock across the room. She stood up. "I should go. I don't wanna be late. Would it be okay if maybe we had a drink some time? It would be great to talk to someone who understands."

"Sure," Maura said, standing up opposite her. "I'd like that. What time do you finish tonight?"

"Six."

"I could…meet you by the elevator in the parking garage?"

"Thank you," Ashley said, picking up her coffee and heading for the elevator.

x

"What have we got?" Jane asked, walking towards Frankie. She flashed her badge at the officer cordoning off the scene and stepped under the tape.

"Teenage boy, Franklin Weight, he was gunned down an hour ago," Frankie said, motioning towards an area of the park where the body lay.

"Any witnesses?"

"There's a friend," Frankie said, nodding across the scene. "Albert Anderson. We're taking him back to BPD, all he's told us is their names."

"He looks cold," Jane said, watching the young man shaking on the spot, his arms wrapped around his front. "How long has he been here?"

"Dunno."

"Hey," Jane shouted across to an officer. "Can you get that kid a blanket from one of the squad cars?"

The young female officer stared at Jane, a crease in her brow. Jane turned her attention back to the young man, then checked on where the officer was at. She hadn't moved.

"Did you hear me?" she asked, stepping forwards. "Move."

She chewed on her bottom lip and folded her arms across her chest. Jane's eyes grew wide as she stared into dark brown orbs that she now realised were more familiar than she thought.

"Ashley?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'll get him a blanket."

"Err, thanks," Jane said, her attention wavered as Ashley walked back towards a squad car and opened the trunk. When she returned, Jane handed the blanket over to Frankie. "Ashley, I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you."

She shrugged. "Why would you?"

"I didn't know you were a cop."

"Well, I am."

"I didn't know you were a cop here."

"I just started."

"Oh."

"I should get on," Ashley said, pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear and walking away.

"I," Jane began, but her voice trailed off as Ashley returned to a group of officers scanning the ground for bullets.

She watched her for a moment. Curious about the woman she had given birth to, the woman that, inadvertently, had followed in her footsteps into the police department. She felt ashamed of herself for not recognising her own daughter, even though she looked different with her hair pulled back and her uniform on. People said the same thing about her in the early days. It all felt like a massive mess, nothing made sense anymore.

"Hey Frankie," Jane said. "Can you handle this on your own?"

"Sure," he shrugged.

"I'll see you back at BPD," she said, taking one final look at Ashley as she returned to her car.

Seated safely behind the wheel, Jane glanced through the windshield at Ashley. She searched the ground with full attention, much the same way Jane did in her early days as an officer. An opportunity she might not have been given had she been a single mother, struggling to bring up a child with very little support. The sacrifices she'd made so that she could have a career were sacrifices that now made her feel like the worst person in the world. Dark blonde curls flashed across in front of her. Her attention dragged away as Maura approached the cordon, waved her badge at the officer, and made her way across the park to the crime scene. Sacrifices that could potentially ruin the best thing she had had for a long time. She turned the key in the ignition and drove away.

x

"So, tell me," Maura said, picking up her glass of wine ready to take a sip. "What was it like growing up…in Vermont?"

"There's not a lot to tell," Ashley said, shrugging her shoulders. Her own glass of wine sitting on the table in front of her. "I grew up in a townhouse in Burlington, we vacationed in Maine, mostly, and I had a good life."

"But," Maura said, allowing the prompt to sit between them for a moment.

"I always knew I was different from my parents. I have an older brother, Sean, he was adopted too. They treated us like we were their children. They did everything right."

Maura placed her glass on the table and clasped her hands in front of her. "You're a-adoption records would have been available from eighteen, w-why did you wait?"

"I thought I didn't need this," Ashley glanced down at the table. "Everything was okay. Sean never tried to find his biological parents, and I didn't think I needed to."

"Thirty-five per cent of adopted children don't. What changed your mind?"

"Our mom died…last year."

"I am so sorry," Maura said, reaching her hand out to Ashley's. "I-I can't begin to know what that must have been l-like for you."

"It was – still is – very difficult."

"How did she die?"

"I never really found out what happened. She was visiting my brother on the Cape, it all just happened so quickly. That's partly why I moved out here, to be closer to him, and my mom."

"What the hell is going on?"

Jane towered over them, standing beside the booth with her eyes travelling between Maura and Ashley. An anger was visibly bubbling up inside of her, and Maura knew that it would only do more harm than good.

"Jane," she said, sliding across her seat in the booth. "Why don't you sit down?"

"No," Jane said, turning her attention to Ashley. "So you're hanging out with my friends now, are you?"

"This isn't the time or the p-place," Maura said, reaching out to Jane. "You should go."

"No, I'm not leaving, and I'm not sitting here pretending we're some great, big, happy family."

"We were just having a drink," Ashley said, shrugging her shoulders, her bottom lip tucked under her teeth.

"I don't know what you're both doing," Jane said, shaking her head. "But I don't like it."

Maura slipped out from the booth and pushed Jane backwards, her tone hushed. "You d-don't have to like it Jane. She n-needed someone to…talk to. Now go home and w-we can talk about this when I g-get back."

"Why are you doing this, Maura?" She held her hands out at her sides. "Are you trying to punish me?"

"Of course not."

"Then, why?"

"I told you, a-already. I was trying to give…her some support. Please, m-meet me at home in an hour."

"Give me a good reason why I should? Why I shouldn't sit down right now and share in your little conversation?"

"If you s-sit down, Jane, y-you're going to say or do something you regret. And if, if you hurt that poor girl again, I don't, don't know if I can…come back from that."

"You're taking her side?"

"This isn't about…sides, Jane." Maura sighed, the angrier she became the harder it was to speak clearly. "This is…about the way y-you're t-treating someone who didn't a-ask to be born y-your daughter. _Go home_."

x

A gentle exhale filled the silence as Jane rocked Toby in her arms. She pushed forwards in the chair, and backwards, the mere movement sending her mind into a sense of calm. She wasn't happy; though helping Toby drift off to sleep left her feeling a sense of contentment, it didn't overshadow the difficulties bubbling under the surface.

"I love you," Jane said, knowing that he was too young to understand, and too dozy to hear, but the act of talking aloud made her feel a little better. "You're a special kid. I just wish I could have loved Ashley the way I love you now. What I put your Mama through, she's so pis…angry at me. I don't blame her, though. I'm angry at me too. I've really f…messed up. Maybe you'd all just be better off without me."

* * *

 **Author Notes : Comments are always appreciated, like, a lot. I love to know what you think. But you know, a smile is good, too. Oh and cookies. Gotta love cookies. Anyone fancy trading some cookies for more fic? (Because I'm not going to give you fic anyway, haha.)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Notes : I do love a good confrontation, so here we go ladies and gentlemen, hopefully it'll be worth the read. Thanks to everyone who showed me some loving from the last chapter.**

* * *

"Don't you dare run away from this, Jane."

Jane lifted her gaze to Maura. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders, her eyes lit up as she walked towards Toby and reached out to him. She let her take him from her arms, and place him in his crib. Hesitating, Jane finally stood up, and lingered by the chair. Sometimes she looked at Maura and wondered how she ever get so lucky. But as she'd said to Toby, she'd messed up.

"I'm not running away. It's tempting, believe me. But I wouldn't do that to you." Jane kicked at the floor with her toes. "I bet she hates me."

"This isn't the place," Maura said, flicking the light switch as she walked out into the corridor.

Following her, Jane walked down the stairs and wandered into the kitchen. She waited as Maura lifted a beer from the fridge, uncapped it, and pushed it across the counter. Pouring herself a glass of wine.

"You need to start t-talking to me, Jane," Maura said, her tone colder than Jane would have liked, though not as cold as she was expecting.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered.

"You can s-start by being honest with me, about…how you feel."

"How I feel."

"Is that too much to ask of you?" Maura asked, her eyes creasing at the corners.

Jane shrugged her shoulders. "You know me, Maur. You know this shit ain't easy."

"Isn't, and that's no excuse," Maura said.

"No, I guess not."

"You know what I went through with my biological parents."

"This is _not_ the same thing."

Maura folded her arms across her chest. "Yes, Jane, it _is_. When I met H-Hope you encouraged me to be honest with her, don't you see…that you're Hope in this scenario? T-that if you were you t-telling Ashley what to do…about the mother w-who gave birth to her, then you'd…tell her the same thing. Ashley was being honest and y-you made her feel like coming here was a mistake."

"It's too hard," Jane said, glancing down at the floor. She pawed at her face, brushing away a couple of stray tears. She didn't want to cry right now, she didn't want to expose how much it was hurting.

"Did you think for a s-second that this isn't just about you?" Maura asked. "This is…about Ashley and what she needs. You gave her u-up for adoption and she came to you w-wanting to know where she came from. You've bl-blocked her every step of the way."

"I don't know how to fix things, Maura."

"The question is, do you want to fix things? Because...if you're just going to be paying her lip service, then you might as well t-tell her now. She d-deserves more than you're giving her."

"I just don't get why you're so pissed at me, Maur. I'm the one who should be pissed at _you_ for spending time with her." Jane said, lifting her beer to her mouth and gulping as much of it down as she could. When Maura started talking again, she placed it down on the counter and gave her whole attention.

"I agreed to have a d-drink with her because she understands me in a w-way you never will. No-nobody has ever understood what it's like for me, to b-be adopted."

"It's not okay, Maura, for you to do that without telling me."

"I know, and I'm sorry. This has been hard for me, too. Are you s-so blind that you cannot see th-that how you treat Ashley is how Hope treated me? That seeing y-you treat her like she doesn't matter…is a painful reminder that my experience wasn't far r-removed?" Maura paused. She had so much to say, and each word felt a constant struggle. The therapy she'd been having was slowly building up her speech to a level not too dissimilar to where it was at before she gave birth. She'd not been under as much stress, which only seemed to flare up her stuttering. "It's insulting, Jane, th-that you cannot see h-how much it hurts me to watch y-you treat her the way…she doesn't deserve to be treated. The way I d-didn't deserve to be treated. I have stood in her shoes, y-you were there, you w-watched as Hope shot me down, and you continue to d-do the same thing to your daughter."

"I," Jane tried to speak, but before she could formulate words, Maura interrupted her.

"No, Jane, no. Don't say anything. Y-you're just going to come up with some…story about how you messed up, b-but you're not going to fix it. You're n-not going to try and make things right."

Jane shook her head. "This isn't about you, Maura."

"Yes, it is," Maura said. "It is about me. It's a-about me because everything you do to that…girl makes me feel like you never understood me, like you d-didn't get the pain that I went th-through when Hope...with Hope. You supported me through that t-time, and now it's like it's a lifetime ago."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

Maura's shoulders sunk. She hoped that sitting down and having an honest conversation would change things, that she could make Jane see what it meant to her. But the more she talked, the more she doubted her plan. "I w-want you to tell me that you u-understand where I'm coming from, where Ashley is coming from. I…I want you to get that this hurts m-me as much as it hurts Ashley. I want y-you to be honest with yourself about h-how much it hurts _you_."

"What I don't understand, Maura, is why you didn't just tell me this in the beginning? Why has it taken you days to tell me how you feel?"

"I was scared that…h-having this conversation with you would make you t-think I wasn't on your side. I d-don't want to push you too far away, be-because, I'm scared that the further away I get…the harder it will be to come back t-to y-you. But when you're s-so dismissive of…and dishonest with your own feelings, I d-don't know if I want to come back to you."

"No, Maura," Jane reached out her hand, but the second she touched Maura's fingers on the counter, she pulled them her away. "Don't say that, don't do that. Don't play games with me, don't try to blackmail me into feeling so guilty that I'll suddenly tell you how I feel."

"I don't play games, Jane," she said, shaking her head. She hesitated, forced a couple of deep breaths before she continued. "I'm being honest, which is more th-than you have been. I'm l-laying down my cards and h-hoping that you will make…a decision about your own. Tell me what is g-going on in your head, tell me what is stopping you from talking to y-your daughter like she's not just another cop at BPD."

"I can't," Jane said, her voice strained.

"Why not?" Maura asked.

"I just can't," Jane said again, though the break in her voice betrayed her.

"Jane," Maura whispered.

"Maura."

"Jane."

"I'm scared. Alright?" she said, her heart thrummed inside her chest as she faced her feelings. "I'm fucking scared, Maura. I'm so scared that I don't know how to feel this scared. I'm scared of everything right now. I'm scared that I've messed everything up and I can't go back. I'm scared that I don't know how to do this. I'm scared that I've ruined everything with you, and I'm scared that I can't give Toby everything he needs. If I can't even make things okay with my daughter, what hope do I have being the person you and Toby need me to be?"

"Jane," Maura said again. Placing her hand back down on the counter, over Jane's. Jane stared at their hands for a moment before she closed her eyes and lifted her fingers away.

"Don't," Jane said. "I need to just keep talking right now or else I won't be able to start again. When I look at her, all I see is the mistake I made. The mistake I made giving up my little girl. I don't know who she is, Maura. She's this grown woman and I don't know her. I don't know how to know her. I want to. I pretend that it's fine, I make jokes, and I mess up. But it's killing me. I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I can do any of this. I'm not the person she wants me to be, I'm never gonna be that person. I want to try, I want to make it better. But I'm just going to disappoint her in the same way I disappoint you."

"Are you done?" Maura asked, her voice small. Jane nodded. "Thank you."

Tears welled in Jane's eyes, lingering on the edge of her eyelids before she blinked and they strolled down her cheeks. Maura placed her half empty wine glass on the counter, slipped around the island and moved closer to Jane.

"What are you doing, Maura?" Jane asked, swiping at the tears with her left hand.

Without speaking, Maura closed the gap, slid a hand around Jane's back and wrapped herself around her. Jane sunk into her embrace. The comforting, warmth of having Maura hold her, made the tears fall a little faster. After a while she gave up trying to brush them away and clung to her, pressing her face against the crook of her neck. Eventually, Jane pulled back.

"Sometimes I hate the things you do," Maura said, cupping Jane's cheeks. "But you do not dis-disappoint me, Jane. I love you, and if that m-means getting angry at you for…doing things that frustrate me, then I will get angry at you. But it d-doesn't change anything. You have been there for me th-through so much, and I can't even begin to thank you for what you have done. I k-know I made it seem like I was disappointed in you, and I hate that y-you hurt her, Jane. I just can't stand to be distant from you on this, on anything, I n-need you Jane. I want you…in every way that you want me. I just needed to know that you could be h-honest with me about something so im-important."

"What are you saying?"

Without speaking, Maura slid her hands a little higher up Jane's cheeks, her eyes trailed along Jane's as she searched for Jane's mouth with her lips. The second they crashed down against Jane's, her whole body reacted, and she pulled herself as close to Maura as she could. Her tongue slipped between Maura's lips, her fingers gripping Maura's neck, pulling her as close as she could. Maura pushed her back against the counter, pressing one leg between Jane's as she hurried the kiss. Her lips trailed along Jane's bottom lip, across her jawline to her earlobe, before returning to her mouth. The moment she slipped her hand between the fabric of Jane's shirt, she took a step back.

"Is everything o-okay? I thought you wanted this?"

Jane's shoulders sunk. "Of course I do. God, Maura, I've wanted this for so long. All I wanna do is carry you upstairs and show you how much I've wanted to do this. I just, can't. Tonight. There's too much in my head."

Maura nodded and stepped back into Jane's arms, brushing a strand of hair back behind her head. "I understand."

"Thanks," Jane said, resting her head against Maura's as another tear escaped down her cheek.

"I'd wait just as long if that's what you needed," Maura said, running her thumb along Jane's cheek, pushing the tear to one side and cupping Jane's face.

She rested her head against Maura's hand and slipped her own over the top of it, her eyes fixed on Maura's. "What am I gonna do?"

"You will do everything y-you can to make it better," Maura said, trailing a finger down the other side of Jane's face. "All she needs, Jane, is f-for you to be honest. No more…jokes, no more sarcasm, just talk to her like you t-talked to me."

"What if it's too late? What if it's not enough?"

"If that's not e-enough, then you will know you did all you could."

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course I will."

Closing the gap, Jane pressed her lips against Maura's and allowed her eyes to flutter closed as she deepened the kiss. When she pulled back, Maura's hazel eyes stared back at her.

"How about we go to bed?" she asked.

"It is getting late," Jane said, disappointment weighted on her chest. Stepping back, she turned towards the door.

"Jane?" She turned back again. Maura stood with her hand out towards her. "I meant together. J-just to sleep."

She stepped forwards, took her hand, gave it a gentle squeeze and followed her up to the bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Notes** **: Thanks to everyone for commenting, favouriting, and following. You guys are fab. So, someone asked about Maura's stuttering - the first story in this pair of stories explains it fully, but after she had the baby she had some speech issues. Those speech issues are not completely over, which is why she's still a little stuttery. Eventually I'm hoping to lessen it further, but I don't want to rush it, as it's a long term issue.**

 **I'll be starting back at work tomorrow, so who knows how frequently I will be updating. I do get the bus so I have time to write, so I'm hoping it won't delay chapters too much (though it may take a couple of days to do one, instead of cracking them out frequently like the more recent ones). We'll see how it goes. Hoping to pass my driving test soon, so then I'd have spare hours in the day.**

* * *

Despite waking before her alarm, Jane felt completely relaxed, like she'd had the best nights sleep in a long time. She lay on her back for a moment, contemplating life, before she allowed herself to roll onto her side. She knew Maura was there, she just didn't want there to be any chance that the night before had been some kind of dream. When she felt Maura move, Jane shifted into her side. There she was. A breath caught in the back of Jane's throat and her chest ached with an overwhelming sense of desire. She was there in front of her, so close that she could touch her, so close that she could scoop her up in her arms and lay kisses along her collarbone. Just the thought of carrying through made her skin tingle. The longer she stared, the harder it became to watch without needing to touch. With the tip of her finger, she ran it along Maura's cheek and across her bottom lip.

"If you want to kiss me, you can j-just ask," Maura whispered, her voice broke with the edge of sleep. Jane buried her face into the pillow, her smile tugging at the corners of her eyes.

Mumbling into the fabric, she asked "Can I?"

Pulling her face away from the pillow, Jane was pushed back against the bed by Maura's lips crashing down upon hers. She lay there, trapped in a prison of Maura's body. Her knees fixed on either side of her, each hand hungrily searching the skin beneath the edge of her shirt. Jane slid her hands along the back of Maura's pyjama top, her lips moving in sync with Maura's, her mouth filled with her tongue. She moved her hands back up, wrapped her fingers around the strands of Maura's hair and held her closer, deepening the kiss.

"Is now a better time?" Maura asked, pulling back only long enough to speak before capturing Jane's mouth again.

"God, yes," Jane whispered, gasping for breath. The moment Maura's hand slipped under the waistband of her underwear, Jane lifted her hips up to meet her, their mouths separated as she moaned against Maura's cheek.

As if on cue, the monitor on the bedside table came to life and Toby's squawks filled the room. Jane sunk back against the bed as Maura shifted off of her. Her hand reclaimed. The need to pull her back on top of her was quickly interrupted by the incessant cry of Maura's son.

"Maybe next time," Jane said, pushing the bedsheets away.

Maura climbed out from under the covers. "I'll get him."

"Good," Jane said, heading for the door to the en suite. "I need a cold shower."

Maura sat back on the bed, placing Toby down on the bed sheets, as she settled herself against the headboard with a pillow. He stared up at her, his big brown eyes, his little hand reached out to her leg and he pulled himself up to his feet.

"Well done," Maura said, holding her hands out beside him in case he dropped suddenly.

"Mama," he said, taking a step forwards before lifting his knee onto her thigh and clambering onto her lap.

He rested on her lap for a moment, before reaching out his hand again and grasping the front of Maura's top. She placed a hand on his back, keeping his steady and he leant towards her, his mouth open as he wrapped his hand around her front.

"I thought we talked about this," Maura said, slipping off her top. "W-we're going to try and wean you off."

"Mama," he said again, with a large toothy grin, as he pulled himself closer until he could wrap his mouth around her nipple and start feeding. Maura wrapped her arms around him and cradled him against her.

"Aw shucks," Jane said, walking into the room with a towel around her body. "He beat me to it."

"Jane," Maura said, raising her eyebrows.

Jane perched on the edge of the bed, leant forwards and rested her head against the pillow beside Maura. She watched Toby feeding, his little mouth moving, his eyes closed with contentment. Her eyes travelled across Maura's bare chest, then on up to her eyes.

"You look like you've n-never seen my breasts before," Maura said.

"I haven't seen them knowing I'm _allowed_ to see them, before," Jane said, scooting up the bed until she sat beside Maura.

Toby lifted his head and smiled broadly at Jane, he reached out and she scooped him up into her arms.

"Good morning, Tobes," she said. One glance from Maura was enough for her to correct herself. "Toby."

"Mama," he said again, kicking his feet until Jane placed him down on her lap. The force of his movement tugged at her towel, exposing her breasts. When Toby leaned forwards, his mouth open wide, Maura pulled him away.

" _No_ , Toby," Maura said, placing him down between them and pulling her top back on over her head.

"Wrong boobs there, kid," Jane said, laughing. She rearranged the towel to cover herself back up. They sat silently, watching Toby crawl around the bed sheets, clambering over their legs as he explored the space. Jane's mind drifted back to Ashley. "I can't believe she's a cop."

"Ashley?" Maura asked. Jane nodded. "It is a remarkable coincidence."

"Yeah," Jane said, her voice drifted off into the continued silence.

After a few minutes, Maura reached out to Jane's hand, interlinking their fingers. "She doesn't know what h-happened to her mother. She died last year, w-when she was visiting her brother on the Cape."

Jane sat up straighter. "She has a brother?"

"Yes."

"What do you mean she doesn't know what happened to her mom?"

"I mean just that," Maura said. "She died, and she n-never really found out how."

The very idea didn't sit well with Jane. She'd seen too many families suffer from unsolved murder cases, and a lack of answers to unexplained deaths. Regardless of how Ashley's mother died, Jane didn't want her to have to suffer that same fate of not knowing.

"It'll be in her medical records, though, right?" Jane asked.

"Yes," Maura replied.

Jane moved onto her knees. "And Cape Cod is in Massachusetts."

"Your point being?"

"As the Chief Examiner for the Commonwealth of _Massachusetts_ , Maura, you can access those records."

"Why would I do that?" Maura asked, pulling Toby away from the edge of the bed and placing him on her lap.

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Jane."

Sometimes Maura wondered if Jane paid any attention to the ethics of her role, of either of their roles. It was not their place to go snooping around medical records. Especially in areas where Maura herself didn't actually work. She had employed many medical examiners across the state, but a handful of them had been working in their localities long before she'd taken up her post. She barely knew the medical examiner on the Cape, and had been informed long ago by the local police department, and her predecessor's notes, that he could be trusted implicitly.

"Maura," Jane said. "I _need_ this. I need to know what happened to her mom. I need to know so that she can know."

"I don't expect there'll be much to know," Maura said. "U-unexpected deaths occur every day. Do you know how m-many of them are from natural causes?"

"No."

"Aren't you going to ask?"

"No," Jane said, smirking.

Maura tilted her head to the side. "Fine. Then I won't tell you."

"Good. Cause I don't really care."

"There's the Jane Rizzoli I know and l-love."

Approaching Boston Police Department an hour later, Jane dropped Maura's hand and sent her a nervous smile. Her heart thumped against her rib cage. There were too many things that could happen that morning, and she wasn't ready for any of them. The least she could do was minimise the risk of outing herself and her relationship with Maura when they had been together for barely twelve hours.

"You'll be fine," Maura said, stroking her upper arm. Jane wasn't convinced.

"I don't even know if she's working today," Jane said, cautiously glancing across at the entrance. A couple of officers strolled out, she gave them a small wave and turned back to Maura. "I can't do this."

"You _can_ ," Maura assured her, reaching again for her hand and giving it a brief squeeze. "I'm here."

Jane sighed, then led them up the steps towards the entrance to BPD. She smiled across at Maura as she pushed open the door and scanned the entrance hall for the face she still wasn't sure she could pick out of a crowd. When her eyes landed on the dark, curls of her daughter, sat at a table in the cafe, she turned around.

"I really can't do this," she said, almost colliding with Maura.

"Jane," Maura said, her voice calm as she forced her to turn back around before pushing her gently in the direction of Ashley.

Maura followed close behind. Her own nerves were threatening to consume her. It was hard enough supporting Jane with her own feelings, but the fear that Ashley would reject her when she was finally stepping up made Maura worry. She didn't think Jane could handle that anymore than the rest of the situation.

"Morning Ashley," Jane said, stopping beside the table in the far corner, where Ashley sipped a cup of coffee.

"Oh, hi," Ashley replied, her eyes darting to Maura then back to Jane again. Maura turned a little to the side, so that she wasn't in her eye line, forcing her to focus solely on Jane.

"Could we talk?"

Ashley's brow furrowed, then she forged a smile. "Sure."

Jane slipped into the seat opposite her. Maura joined the line, to distract herself, whilst staying near enough to support Jane.

"I wanted to apologise for everything that I've done," Jane said, staring at her hands. "I was a jerk. I was worse than that. You didn't deserve any of it."

"No, I didn't."

"Could we start again?" Jane asked, cautiously glancing back up into Ashley's eyes. A flash of doubt disappeared as quickly as it came and Jane knew her actions were fruitless.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Ashley stood up, pushing her chair back as she stepped away from the table. "This is obviously not what you wanted. I probably should've called first, or wrote you a letter. How about we just pretend this never happened?"

"I," Jane opened her mouth to speak, but all words disappeared into the silence that followed.

"Exactly. I'll see you around, Detective," Ashley said, forcing another smile before turning on her tail and walking away.

Maura stopped her in the entrance hall. She'd watched the exchange closely, and she'd seen the disappointment shift onto Jane's face, could hear the vulnerability in Ashley's voice as she'd said words that lacked conviction.

"Don't do this," she said, stepping in front of her.

"I don't think this is any of your business, do you?" Ashley asked, a look of regret on her face. "I'm sorry. She's your friend, _we_ understand each other. But that doesn't mean you get a say."

"Wait," Maura said, blocking Ashley from heading towards the elevator. "I don't think you want to d-do this. I think you're scared t-that she'll let you down again."

"You don't know me."

"Maybe I don't, but I know Jane." Maura sighed. "Y-you need to understand something about her before you dismiss t-this. She's not always very forth…forthcoming, she's c-complicated and she's stubborn, and she…struggles to be honest with how she's feeling. B-but she's here now, she's willing to try and m-maybe you should too. You don't know her; you came h-here to find out who she was, w-well, this it is. It takes time to understand her nu-nuances. She makes inappropriate jokes and she doesn't always know where to draw the…line. Most of the time she d-doesn't do it to hurt people, she does it b-because she's _scared_. What she does know is what family means. I'm not expecting y-you to go back over there and t-tell her how much you want to get to know her, I-I'm just asking you to think about it. To give her a ch-chance to get to know you, and you her."

Ashley closed her eyes and scratched at her cheek, disguising the brushing away of a tear. It didn't escape Maura's attention, but she let it slide. She waited, allowed her words to sink in, hoping that eventually Ashley would say something.

"I don't know," she said, avoiding looking her square in the eye.

"Sunday," Maura said. "It's Toby's birthday, we're having a party. N-nothing big, just a few friends and family. Why d-don't you come? No pressure, just a few…people. It'll give you a chance to meet some of the people wh-who work here, and you can see Jane when she's feeling m-more comfortable."

Her brow furrowed, a look of consideration lingered. "Can I think about it?"

"Please, do."

"I should get on," Ashley said, chewing on her bottom lip as she motioned towards the elevator.

"I gave you my number yesterday," Maura said. "If you d-decide you will come, just let me know."

"I will, thanks."

Jane rejoined Maura as Ashley stepped into the elevator and the doors closed behind her. She wrapped an arm around Maura's and rested her head on her shoulder. If she wasn't in such a public place, she'd have pulled her into her arms and held on for dear life. But she was already conscious of the pairs of eyes watching them from afar. She wondered how quickly – if at all – the news of her long lost daughter had already spread around the BPD grapevine.

"I need to go," Maura said, giving Jane's hand a gentle squeeze. "Lisa has an appointment this morning, and I have plans with my son. Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine, Maur," Jane said. "Just so long as I don't have to spend any time with Ashley."

"If you do, play nice, or she'll never say yes to Sunday."

"I'll try," Jane said, leaning across to kiss her before thinking better of it. Instead she moved her mouth towards Maura's ear. "I love you."

"I love you too," Maura whispered back, before exiting the building.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Note : I know it's been a while. It's not been the best time for me - a lot going on and such. I can't guarantee the next chapter will be quick, either, because I'm away next week. You just never know. I really struggled to get this chapter right. I wrote it about four times. I hope some of you are still here, thank you to everyone for your patience.**

* * *

"When I said get him ready, did I not specify that I'd chosen his outfit?" Maura asked, folding her arms across her chest. She fought the urge to smile at the outfit Jane had placed on her son. His chubby face poking out above oversized false, green muscles.

"This is where we discuss bullying, Maura." Jane placed Toby on his play mat and joined Maura in transferring the finger food to the dining table. "Incredible Hulk, good. Poncy, English nineteenth century school boy, bad."

"He looks cute in vintage," Maura said.

"Yeah, in the nineteenth century. Did you just skip past the fact we're not even in the twentieth century anymore? Cause he owns more "vintage" clothes than Downton Abbey. Your idea of cute and mine are very different."

"Downton Abbey was set in the early twentieth century."

"Not the point, Maur," Jane said.

"No," Maura replied. "The point is I will not allow you to dress him as the Incredible Hulk for his first birthday. I want him to look like a child, not a mutant man-baby."

Jane clutched the table, her stomach ached the longer she laughed. The frown gracing Maura's face didn't escape her notice, but she couldn't stop. Eventually, her stomach muscles stopped contracting and her chuckles died down.

"Man-baby, nice one Maura," Jane said, shaking her head.

"Can you please take him upstairs to change?"

"No need," Jane said.

Maura rubbed her right temple and closed her eyes. She'd spent weeks planning the party, and with the stress of working part time and looking after an infant, Maura found herself reaching the end of her tether. She took a couple of slow, deep breaths before speaking again. "Jane, please. It's been a difficult year, can we just have one day where everything goes well?"

Jane returned to Toby's side and scooped him up, spinning him around until his giggles rang out. Jane pulled the Velcro fasten on the back of the suit apart and started to remove the Hulk muscles. "I have a compromise."

Underneath the fancy dress outfit that Maura had no idea they even owned, Toby was dressed in a pair of dark grey baby chinos and a smart, blue, checked shirt. Out of her back pocket, Jane produced a small flat cap that belonged with the outfit Maura had originally picked out and placed it on his head.

"I call it, poncy but modern," Jane said, allowing the Hulk suit to drop to the floor as she sat Toby on her arm. "And look at that smile. He loves it."

Maura considered the outfit for a moment. It lacked the formality of the outfit she had ordered weeks ago, but Jane was right. It belonged on Downton Abbey. Despite a tugging desire to dress Toby the way she'd envisaged, her smile softened.

"Okay," she said. "But don't think I didn't notice what you were doing. It's a classic psychological technique. You knew I'd veto the fancy dress outfit, you only dressed him in that so that I'd say yes to your less ridiculous demand."

Jane scoffed and tilted her head to one side. "Would I really do something like that?!"

"You do it all the time," Maura said.

Jane shrugged her shoulders and placed Toby back on his play mat. "You saw the light, that's all that matters."

"Is this how all of our future arguments will pan out?"

"I dunno, that depends on whether my street smarts counteract your book smarts. I envisage a fifty fifty split on all future conflicts."

"Have you been reading again?'

"I brought Toby down at three when he woke up, the closest thing to read was a medical journal."

It was Maura's turn to laugh.

Stepping forwards, Jane closed the gap between them and brushed her lips against Maura's. "God, I love you."

"Down girl," Maura said, gently pushing her away with one hand. "You know what kissing leads towards."

"Mm-hmm," Jane muttered, pulling Maura back into her arms and trailing kisses along her collarbone.

"Jane," Maura said, her entire face cracked into a smile. "As much as I want to, we can't."

"This is why some people don't have children," Jane said, heading to the fridge for a beer. "We really need to hire a babysitter, preferably one that can take him away for a whole night. I swear that kid is hooked up to some sex alert system."

"Jane!"

"He doesn't know what it means, Maura. I could be talking about girls and boys."

"Male and female."

"Male and female what?"

"Your sex is based on male and female sex organs. Gender is girls and boys."

"What's the difference?"

"Your sex is defined at birth. Gender is seen as more of a spectrum."

"A spectrum?"

"Take you for instance, you were definitely a female by birth. But you carry certain traits traditionally associated with men. Whilst I follow many more traditions associated with being a woman."

"You're calling me a man?"

"I'm calling you a masculine woman."

"Is this cause I like women?"

"No, Jane, it's because you play rough and tumble with the other boys and you'd rather dress Toby like a green, muscly man. You hate heels, you lack certain elements of maternal instinct, and you'd rather roughhouse than play house."

"Now you're stereotyping."

"What is gender if not a stereotype?"

"That doesn't make sense."

"Of course it does. Some men are deemed to exhibit signs of being effeminate whilst some women, usually those who are considered tomboys in their childhood, more masculine. If a man follows a traditionally female path, does that make him a woman? No, it makes him a man who opts for a route that society deems feminine. Just because you like beer and baseball."

"And boobs," Jane said.

"And boobs." Maura smirked. "Does not make you a man. You simply do not conform with societies idea of what a woman should be."

"This is getting way too deep, Maur. I just wanted an uninterrupted night with you."

"It'll happen. Soon."

"Promise?"

"I do."

"What time are our party guests due to arrive?"

"Within the next hour."

"And Ashley hasn't contacted you?"

"Jane,"

"It's fine. She's not interested."

"She sent me a message while you were dressing Toby. She'll be here."

"Oh."

"Are you okay?"

"Sure."

"Don't just say sure," Maura said, her brow furrowed in concern.

"What else do you want me to say?" Jane shrugged her shoulders. "That I'm petrified? That I'd rather get hit by a bus right now than face her?"

"This is why we're doing this in a relaxed environment," Maura said. "You don't need to worry about having a deep and meaningful conversation. Just be yourself. Let her see the wonderful person I know you to be."

"What if I'm not, though, Maura? What if you just got used to my sh...izzle? What if she hates me?"

"If in doubt, talk about being a law enforcement officer and ask her what beer she drinks."

Jane stared at Maura. "She might not drink beer."

"Or her favourite _baseball_ team."

"She probably prefers football."

"More reason to find out."

The doorbell rang and Maura jumped into action, placing the last plate down on the table whilst Jane answered the door. It was party time.

"Can I get you a drink?" Maura asked, after opening the door for the sixth time.

Jane stood by the fridge opening bottles of beer for Korsak, Frankie and herself, when she glanced up. Her eyes landed on Ashley. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, her face made up and she wore a yellow and blue dress that would have belonged happily in Maura's wardrobe. Her daughter had style and Jane felt a sudden wave of insecurity. How would she ever fit into her life? Aside from working in law enforcement, they were entirely different kinds of people. Maura poured her a glass of wine, but her eyes never ceased from staring back at Jane.

"Hi," said Jane, forcing a smile through the nerves. She wanted things to change, she wanted to make a good impression, she just didn't know how not to mess things up again.

"I should say hello to some people," Maura said, disappearing across the room towards a couple of crime technicians she'd invited. Though a huge part of her wanted to stick around to support Jane, she knew that she couldn't hold her hand. She needed to do this, and she needed to do it on her own.

"Why don't you come and meet some of the guys I work with?" Jane asked, Ashley nodded and followed her across the room. "Frankie, Korsak, this is Ashley."

"Have we met?" Korsak asked, holding out a hand.

"No," Ashley said, smiling, and shaking his hand. "I don't think we have."

"Detective Sergeant Korsak is my superior, and a dear friend," Jane said. When Ashley stared back at Jane, waiting for an introduction, Jane cleared her throat. Nobody even knew she had a daughter, let alone that she was standing there in front of them. "Ashley is…one of the new recruits. Latent transfer."

Ashley's eyes darted across to Jane's, the light caught a layer of moisture coating her eyeballs. Ashley's voice came out weak. "Would you excuse me?"

Walking away, Jane made her apologies and followed her across the room towards Maura. After a brief exchange of conversation, Maura's attention turned to Jane.

"What happened?"

"Hell if I know," she said, shaking her head. "I _do_ know; I'm gonna fix it."

"Okay," Maura said, before Jane chased Ashley out onto the front porch. The need to follow was one that Maura fought against. She searched the room for her son, happily playing with Angela. He was safe, and happy, he didn't need her in that moment. But it was his birthday party, and she still stood by her desire to leave Jane to sort out her relationship with Ashley on her own.

x

"Ashley, wait," Jane shouted, following her down the driveway. "Please, stop."

"There's no point," Ashley replied, not stopping until she reached the sidewalk.

"Please," Jane tried again. She reached out and grasped her elbow. "I'm begging you, and I _don't_ beg."

Ashley turned around, shaking her head back and forth, reclaiming her arm. "You don't do a lot of things. You don't talk about your feelings, you don't beg, you don't give a damn about me."

"That's not true," Jane said, her shoulders sunk.

"Evidence says otherwise, Jane."

"I'm trying," she said, though she knew her efforts were fruitless. The damage had already been done and no amount of insistence that she was trying her hardest was going to fool anyone, least not Ashley.

"Not hard enough."

"I don't know what more you want from me." The words left her mouth before she really thought about what she was saying; a desire to protect her own heart overshadowed the common sense approach she'd hoped for.

"Really?" Ashley asked, scoffing. "Up until now you've abandoned me at birth, rejected me, you've told your friends I'm just someone at work. You've given me nothing."

"I know," she said. She wasn't trying hard enough; she'd barely scratched the surface. She just kept putting her foot in her mouth and expecting it to work out. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? It's a word you keep saying and it's becoming as meaningless as the idea of you being my mother."

"Don't say that," Jane said, her chest ached. Every mistake she'd made felt so much more, the weight of her inability to do or say the right things sat heavily against it.

"What else is there to say?" Ashley asked. "You don't want me. You never did, and the sooner I accept that and move on, the better it is for both of us."

She turned away. Jane watched her take a couple of steps, forming various sentences and words in her mind before she settled on the one that felt like the best option.

"For you."

"Pardon?" Ashley turned back to face her. The distance felt more like the Grand Canyon than the couple of feet it really was.

"It might be better for you. It wouldn't be for me." Jane tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, taking the moment to regroup her thoughts so as not to say the wrong thing again. "I'm struggling, Ashley. I've never had anyone depend on me before. Not the way you want to."

"Depend on you? I'm a fully grown adult. Or did the last twenty-two years just pass you by?"

She'd done it again. Everything she said fell far shorter than it needed to. "Kinda," she said, honestly. "All I've done since after you were born is work."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No." Jane shook her head. "I'm trying to talk to you, like people do."

"I'm so tired. I'm so sick and tired of thinking about this all of the time. Maybe it's my fault for expecting some big, fancy reunion. I put too much on it, and this is my punishment."

Jane stared into her eyes, forcing her to look back long enough for her to be honest. "I put you away in a tiny box a long time ago."

The briefest furrowing of her brow showed Jane that Ashley was listening, that maybe she'd finally gotten through to her, if only briefly. Words were not her strong suit. She wanted to keep speaking but she knew that if she did so, she risked talking herself into another corner.

"Come with me," she said, motioning towards the house.

"Where are we going?" Ashley asked, following her back up the driveway.

Jane headed for the entrance to the guest house. Once she'd unlatched the door, she motioned for Ashley to take a seat on the sofa and disappeared into the bedroom. When she returned she held a box in her hands. "I need to show you."

"Okay," Ashley said.

"This," Jane said, hesitating before handing over the box.

Ashley took it and held it on her lap. She ran a finger across the carefully engraved pattern, right across to the name carved into the top. "Mia?"

Jane closed her eyes. She'd held onto it for so long, she didn't quite know how to share it. "It's what I called you. I didn't tell anyone; I didn't want to tell anyone. After I handed you over I needed something to hold onto. Something just for us."

"Oh."

"I tried, for months," she said, sitting down beside her. "I tried to forget you but I couldn't. So I took a course at community college and I made that box."

"Then you forgot about me," Ashley said, a sadness coated her face and Jane's heart sunk again.

"No," she said, reaching out and placing a hand over Ashley's. She quickly removed it again. "Sorry. I, I never could. I just got very good at living with you in my head. Open it."

"What's this?" she asked, pulling out a yellow and green blanket.

"My Ma knitted it for you. After I gave you away things weren't okay between us for a really long time. We didn't talk about it, we just pretended it had never happened. That's how I deal with things now. I put them away and I try to ignore them. She'd been knitting the blanket for months before you were born. I found it in the garbage and I took it. She wanted to give you the life you could have had if you'd stayed with us."

"But you didn't want that," Ashley whispered, her eyelids filled with tears as she stared wistfully at the woolen blanket.

"I was a kid," Jane said. "I was barely eighteen. My parents have never had a lot of money and they had three of us to look after. It was hard enough paying the bills. I didn't want to put that on them."

"Right."

Swiping the back of her hand across her cheek, Jane watched Ashley's tears spread across her skin, but never really disappear. She wondered how many tears she'd missed, how many moments like that that they hadn't shared. A lump settled in the back of her throat, Jane pushed it back down. She wouldn't allow herself to cry too. Instead, she stood up and took her wallet from the counter, pulled out her photograph and handed it over.

"I've had this in here since," she said. "I act like I don't care but you have been here with me since the start."

"I...I..." Ashley looked up at her, her mouth open as she attempted to speak. No words came, so Jane continued.

"I haven't told anyone about you because I'm still trying to deal with twenty-two years of feelings in my head. I know that might hurt you, to know that I don't want to tell my colleagues, my friends, but I need time. Can we _please_ just start again?"

"I..." Ashley's voice trailed off. She wiped at her face again. "I don't know."

"But," Jane's heart ached. She'd tried so hard, she'd given her something she had never been able to share with anyone before and she was about to be rejected. The desire to cry became more overwhelming. It didn't escape her that how she felt at that moment was probably how Ashley felt every other time they'd spoken.

"I'm sorry," Ashley said, placing the blanket back in the box, and handing over the photograph.

"But I've given you everything I have."

She stood up. "I know," she said, stepping closer to Jane and handing her the photograph. "I just… _I_ need some time."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Notes** **: Finally inspiration hit and I was able to complete the next chapter, from start to finish, in one night. It's amazing how quickly a chapter can be written in, it's getting the motivation/inspiration to write that's the problem, sometimes. Thanks, as always, to everyone who has commented, favourited, etc. you all make this more enjoyable and though I'd want to write even without your feedback, it's always great to get some.**

* * *

The moment Jane re-entered the room, Maura's eyes drifted towards her. She turned back to one of the morgue technicians and apologised, ending their conversation prematurely before skirting around the small crowd gathered in the living area. Toby sat on the floor in front of Frankie, his eyes transfixed on the brightly coloured train that Frankie moved through the air. The desire to correct his interpretation of trains came and went, leaving regret in its wake. She'd spent half the party serving drinks and talking to their guests and not very much time with her son. She noted the number of people who dealt with death on a daily basis, not the image she'd had in her mind of babies smushing cake into their mouths. When her eyes returned to Jane's, she saw the sadness lingering in her pupils, or more, the excess fluid coating her eyeballs. She glanced back at her son; Toby wouldn't remember the day anyway.

"Come with me," Maura said, slipping an arm around Jane's and dragging her in the direction of the utility room. With the door closed behind them, she grasped Jane's hand and pulled it up to her lips.

"What are you doing?" Jane asked, the hairs on the back of her neck spiked at the physical connection between them.

"Tell me...what happened," Maura said, wrapping both hands around Jane's fingers.

"We talked." Jane shrugged. Telling Maura what happened would involve telling her how she felt, and no matter how close they were now, Jane still wanted to put it all in a box and lock it away. "She needs time."

"Time for?" Maura asked.

"I dunno. Just time. The way I needed time." She sighed, then let her chin drop to her chest. "I opened up and she shot me down."

"I don't want to upset...you," Maura said.

"But I did the same to her," Jane finished. She knew her mistake. She knew how much it hurt. Now she didn't know how else to fix it but give her daughter the time she asked for.

"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura said, sliding her hands around Jane's back and letting her lips brush against her mouth. She closed the gap, holding them tightly together until Jane relaxed into her embrace.

"Why do I have to be such a screw up, Maur?" she asked, resting her chin against Maura's shoulder and breathing in the scent of her perfume mixed with deodorant. In that moment she wanted the ground to swallow them whole, to drop them into another world where they could just be together. No complications. No problems.

"I promise you, y-you're not a screw up...you screwed up. T-There's a difference."

"Is there?"

"Definitely."

The door opened abruptly. Jane flinched, letting go of Maura and stepping backwards as though she'd been burned by fire. The lines drawing sadness across Maura's face only grew more pronounced and Jane knew that she'd disappointed her too.

"Your son is crying for his Ma," Frankie said, holding up the baby. His lack of reaction made Jane wonder what he saw when she and Maura were together; two friends sharing a comforting hug, or two lovers attempting to share an intimate moment at a party? Her mind drifted back to parties she went to in junior high. She'd played seven minutes in heaven with three different boys over a couple of years and not one of them she really wanted to be locked in a closet with – only one she'd dared allow to kiss her. In hindsight, if she'd met Maura "the Bore-a", she hoped she'd have changed her world then the way she did now.

"Why don't you t-take him, Jane?" Maura asked. "Sit with him and...help blow out the b-birthday candles."

She scooped him up in her arms and he settled into them in the way only a son would settle in his mother's arms. Maura brushed back his soft blond locks, his hat long since discarded during play. Frankie disappeared the second he'd handed Toby over to Jane.

"You should blow them out, Maura," Jane said. "You're his mom. This is your day, too."

Maura ran a hand along Jane's cheek, quickly glancing over her shoulder as she stole another moment of intimacy. "You're his mom, too, Jane. I hope you know that. H-he is something you've definitely n-not screwed up."

The words lingered in the air as Maura walked back in to the party. Jane watched her disappear around the corner. She felt it every single day, the bond forming between herself and Maura's son, but she'd never felt she had a right to claim any ownership over him. She'd screwed up with her biological child, so much so that she couldn't really call herself a mother. Then there was Toby. He wasn't even related to her by blood but he felt more like her child than Ashley did at that moment. She pulled him close.

"I love you, Tobes," she said, kissing his cheek. "Don't tell your Mama I called you that."

He stuck out his tongue and moved his hand across his skin, as if wiping away the mark her lips had made. She chuckled, lifted him up into the air and followed Maura back to the party.

x

Once the candles had been blown out, cake had been divvied up and more snacks had been consumed, the room slowly emptied. Party-goers left Toby to play with his new toys on the floor. Jane stacked the dishwasher, adamant that they would have to hire someone else to host the party next time. Somehow she'd ended up with the boring job of tidying away the glasses, whilst Maura saw one of her colleagues to the door. Even Angela and Frankie got the pleasure of playing with Toby.

"You should come over for dinner, Jane," Angela said, carrying an empty wine glass across to her.

"Tonight?" she asked, her brow creased. "It's nearly Toby's bedtime, and I don't think Maura slept well last night because of the party."

"Not tonight," Angela replied, holding out her phone to Jane. "Tomorrow, just you."

"What is this?" Jane asked, taking the cellphone. "Who is this man?"

"Benedito Sorrento. I met him at church. He was helping his elderly grandmother; he brings her every Sunday like the good Catholic boy that he is."

"Your point is?" Jane handed the phone back and slipped a dishwashing tablet out of the box under the sink.

Angela pushed the phone back towards her. "He's a nice Italian boy."

"Again, your point is?" Jane placed the tablet into the compartment and set the machine going.

"I've set up enough blind dates for you, Janie," Angela said. "I thought I'd try setting you up on ones you know about."

"I'm not dating this man, Ma," Jane said, pushing the phone back into her mother's hands and walking across the room.

"But I already promised him a date with you."

"You shouldn't be promising anyone anything without asking me first."

"I don't see what the problem is. It's not like you're dating anyone," Angela said.

"I think it's time we left, Ma," Frankie said, standing up. "You're about to outstay your welcome."

"Nonsense," Angela said. "I'm her mother, there's no such thing."

"Yeah, there is," Jane said, forging a smile of thanks for Frankie.

He retrieved Angela's jacket from the now empty pile by the door and pushed her towards the entrance hall. Maura embraced them, thanked them for coming, and closed the door behind them. It had been a long day, a tiring day, and all Maura wanted to do was curl up on the couch with Jane and her son. By the time she reached the couch, Toby was already dozing on Jane's lap, her long fingers trailing through his locks. She stood and watched them from the sidelines, knowing that she'd made the right decision when she'd informed Jane that she believed her to be as much a mother to him as she herself. For a long time she'd thought blood mattered, that the problems in her own family were caused by the lack of a shared bloodline. Being with Jane, even before, restored her faith in families made up of people who chose to be there. Jack may come to visit from time to time, and she had no doubt that he loved Toby. But Jane was there for him, for both of them, in a way that Jack had never been.

"I think I'm g-going to get an early night," Maura said. "Do you…want to j-join me?"

Jane's lips curved at the corners, her eyes lit up with anticipation and hope. Toby was asleep, they had the house to themselves, there were so many possibilities and yet only one. She wrapped her arms around the sleeping boy and lifted him up against her shoulder.

x

She found Maura in her bedroom a few minutes later, carefully pulling the pillows from the head of the bed and redistributing them on the chair by the window. Jane didn't much like the decorative feature, had always hated having to idea of having to move them off to go to sleep and put them back again the next morning. But she helped Maura do it anyway.

"Angela wants you to go on a date," Maura said, more a statement of knowledge than an accusation or assumption. Jane nodded and tossed a small rectangular pillow onto the pile. "Are you going to?"

"Why would I?" Jane asked. Maura pulled back the top of the comforter.

"Your mother knows n-nothing about how things…h-have changed between us."

"No."

"Nobody does."

"No, just us."

"Will you tell her?"

"And face the wrath of Angela Rizzoli?" Jane's eyes lingered on Maura's torso as she unzipped her dress and carefully stepped out of it. If her mother knew the things she thought about when she was with Maura, she would probably send her ass straight to church. "I think not."

"She loves you, Jane. Being h-honest about who you are won't…change that."

"I wish I had your faith," Jane said, dropping her jeans onto the floor and stepping out of them. She pulled her t-shirt over her head and climbed across the bed, making her way to the other side where Maura sat watching her. Her eyes as filled with anticipation and curiosity as Jane's. "Forget about faith, I just wish I had you."

"You do have me," Maura said, her eyes darted between Jane's lips and her eyes, staring deep into her orbs, then finding her attention slipping down to the curved mounds of skin disappearing underneath her bra.

Maura leaned forwards, closing the gap between them; her tongue moistening Jane's lips, her fingers hungry for attention as she felt the goose bumps on Jane's skin through her fingertips. She lifted her knees up onto the mattress, falling forwards, her body pressed against Jane's as she attacked her with her mouth.

"I want you _now_ ," Maura said, lifting her lips away from Jane's long enough to speak before recapturing them.

The tips of Jane's fingers travelled down Maura's stomach when the gentle cries of Toby came through the baby monitor and Jane groaned loudly, falling back onto the bed, her goal abandoned.

"I knew he wasn't really asleep," Jane said, banging her head against the pillow. "That kid has a sixth sense for when his mom is trying to have sex."

"Jane," Maura said, laying down beside her. "Please don't talk about sex and my son in the same sentence."

"Why not?" Jane shrugged. "It's why he's here."

x

Maura stood in the nursery, gently rocking Toby back and forth as he fussed in her arms. She kissed his head, swaying back and forth. She wanted to fulfil the sexual element of her relationship with Jane, she needed to satisfy her desire to share the most intimate moment with the woman she loved. But she couldn't. Whilst it bothered her in some ways that they were yet to find a period of time alone, it bothered her less knowing the reason they couldn't be together was the other most important person in her life.

"I don't know wh-what's going to happen," Maura said, more thinking aloud than talking to Toby. "I just…know that Mommy and I, w-we have something special. She's s-so special that we both chose her to be ours. I…just hope she doesn't get scared and r-run away. I don't know if I can handle that…and you shouldn't h-have to."

By the time she got back to the bedroom, Jane lay on her side, her eyes closed and her chest rose and fell with each gentle breath. Maura lifted the comforter up over her shoulders, and slipped in beside her. She pulled herself in close, the barely audible sound of Jane's exhalation reached her ears, settling her worries in an instant. Life was messy but they'd had a good day. Not perfect, not the imagined dream she'd pictured, but a good day nonetheless. As Maura drifted off to sleep, all she could think about was how perfect didn't matter anymore, as long as she had Jane by her side.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Notes** **: Thank you, as always, to everyone who has shown me some loving (or at least commented on my story). It makes my day so much better when I see emails in my inbox with alerts and reviews, etc. I didn't expect to get another chapter up so quickly. It may not be perfect, and it took a diversion I wasn't planning for it to take, but I hope you like it anyway - I think it's got a good mixture of things in it.**

* * *

The file felt heavy under her arm. Maura carefully scanned everyone around her, consciously aware that any one of them might recognise her indiscretion. She had no reason, beyond Jane's request, to make copies of Ashley's adoptive mother's autopsy report. Though she knew nobody but Jane had any awareness of the request, she still felt uncomfortable. As the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts she was not above reproach. If anything, her actions could be considered a higher infraction than that of her subordinates.

"Good morning," Maura said to Korsak, Frankie and Jane. The generic greeting shared amongst the group like she usually did. She was all too aware of how her actions could be perceived. All too aware that she was still a terrible liar.

"What can we do for you, Doc?" Korsak asked, leaning back against his chair and waiting for a response.

"I need to borrow Jane," she said, holding up the case file. "I need a consult o-on an unexplained d-death."

"Homicide?" Korsak stood up.

"No," Maura said, her attention fixed on Jane's curious eyes. "Not exactly. It's not a Boston case. It's a favour, for a friend."

"Oh yeah," Jane said, standing up. "I nearly forgot. Conference room?"

Maura nodded and raised a hand in farewell. She didn't take a breath again until the conference room door was closed behind them. She slapped the file down on the table and sunk into a chair.

"I c-can't do this a-again," Maura said, the words a little harder to get out. Jane sat down beside her and opened the file.

"It is," Jane said, not wanting to hope that Maura was telling a half truth. Her heart beat a little harder in her chest when she saw the name of Ashley's adoptive mother: Francine Jensen. She scanned the basic information: mother of two, forty-seven, lived in Burlington, Vermont. Dead on arrival at Falmouth Hospital, Massachusetts. Cause of death unknown. "Thank you."

"I feel like I c-committed a crime."

"You didn't. It's fine, Maura."

She wasn't convinced. The whole thing felt inherently wrong and her morality fought against her actions.

"I t-thought you needed...something, to cheer you up."

"Putting up with me is enough," Jane said, sliding her hand along Maura's knee under the table. "I know you hated doing it. It means a lot."

"I have another m-matter to discuss."

Without moving her hand, Jane glanced up from the case file. So far everything seemed to follow protocol. "What's up...Doc?'

The corners of Maura's lips tugged in unison with Jane's. "Tonight. I thought we could...g-go on a date."

"Yeah. I'd like that." Jane rested her elbow on the table and leaned in close. The mere thought of what could happen sent a reaction darting through her body. "But what do we do with the kid?"

"Angela or Frankie," Maura said. "I was going to a-ask one of them...to babysit."

"All night?"

"Do we n-need all night?" Maura asked, leaning in close.

"All I need is a half hour," Jane said, licking her bottom lip, her eyes fixed on Maura's. "But I'd prefer the whole night. I wanna take my time."

"All night it is, then," Maura said, closing the gap further until her lips were practically touching Jane's cheek. "You're making me want you so much right now."

A knock at the door made Jane jump, her heart rate was already speeding, and the irritation building up only made her feel more anxious. She sat back in her chair and closed the file.

"I'm gonna kill him," Jane said, rolling her eyes at the figure stood on the other side of the glass panel in the door.

Frankie pushed the door open. "We got a case out in SoBo."

"You're a cop, Frankie, not a realtor. Call it Southie like everyone else. Give me five," Jane said, the heat in her cheeks felt like a beacon alerting the world to her sexual desires. She stole a glance at Maura, a shade of pink coated her cheeks, though she busied herself with the case file.

Frankie stepped into the room, doing the complete opposite of what Jane had requested. His eyes bore down on hers, a slight smirk formed on his face.

"You might want to save it for the closet," Frankie said, shrugging his shoulders. "Or I suppose you might be better coming out of the closet, if you know what I mean."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jane said, clasping her hands together and sitting back in her chair, attempting to appear relaxed. Inside, her mind was zooming around in sheer panic. They'd been discreet and yet somehow he still knew.

"Alright," Frankie said, holding his hands up and backing out of the room. "Just tryin' to tell you to be more careful."

"Thank you, Frankie," Maura said, maintaining a professional tone. "I won't t-take up...much more of Jane's time."

"I'll see you downstairs in five," Frankie said, averting his gaze as Jane sent dagger eyes in his direction.

The door closed behind him. The pigment in Jane's cheeks was almost certainly a shade of red. She didn't need a mirror to confirm it. In the disruption, Jane's sex drive had been disrupted but not derailed. She took one look at Maura and imagined stripping her down to her bare skin.

"Please beg someone to take Toby," Jane said, picking up the file and turning towards the door.

"How do I…explain to Angela that w-we need her to look after Toby all night?" Maura asked, pushing her chair back under the table.

"No idea," Jane said, shrugging.

"I could always t-try telling her the truth," Maura said.

"Maura, please." Jane rubbed her temple. "I have enough to deal with at the moment without adding that complication."

"We can hardly hide it...forever."

"I don't want to hide it forever. Just for now. If we start telling people, then it'll get back round to Ashley and I don't even want to think about opening up that can of worms."

Maura raised an eyebrow. "Your mother can be discreet."

"Yeah, right." Jane scoffed. "You have met my mother."

"We c-can tell her we're both...working on a case."

"I suppose that'd work."

"I'll see you tonight," Maura said, tugging Jane's hand into her own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

x

The body of Richard Nelson lay at the foot of a double width staircase in a house with a driveway as big as Jane's old apartment building. Maura's assistant had already been and gone, confirming the suspected cause of death as a broken neck caused by a fall down the stairs. The official COD would be ascertained at autopsy.

"Rich man falls down the stairs," Jane said, staring down at the older man's body. "My money's on a gold digging fourth wife."

"He's only been married twice," said Frankie. "His second wife's the rich one. He was a pauper before he married her. She said he's been unsteady on his feet since suffering a small stroke about six months ago."

"Sounds like an accident. Let's get the body back to BPD for autopsy and see if anything comes up."

They headed back to the car. Jane sat down in the driver's seat and waited for Frankie to buckle up beside her.

"So when did you two start hooking up?" Frankie asked.

Jane's hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. Discussing her sex life with her brother was very low on her list of things she wanted to do, and his insinuation that her relationship with Maura was something other than serious did not sit well with her.

"Don't talk about Maura like that," she said.

"Oh come on, Janie, I know you care about her." Frankie twisted in his seat. "I always knew you loved her. I didn't realise it was like that."

"Yeah, well maybe you don't know everything there is to know about me."

"You gonna tell Ma?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You know why not."

"She loves Maura," Frankie said. "She'll be over the moon. You'd better do right by her, or I might have to slap you."

"Slap me? I thought you were a cop, not a teenage girl."

"I could punch you but I know you'd only punch me back, and yeah, when it comes to being punched by you, maybe I am a teenage girl."

Jane allowed her lips to curl up at the corners. "You're supposed to be on my side. I'm your sister."

"Maura's been like a sister to me for years, and that's because of you. I know she wouldn't hurt you, but you, you do things you don't mean to do. So treat her right, okay?"

"Okay," Jane said. There wasn't much else she could say. She could try to deny the way she was, but she knew as well as Frankie did that if anyone was going to hurt anyone in their relationship, it wasn't going to be Maura. "Frankie?"

"Yeah?"

"You remember when I was in senior year in high school," she said. Talking frankly with her brother shifted something between them. His intuitiveness made her wonder just how much he knew about the past, and his being supportive of her relationship with Maura only made her want to test the waters further. She wasn't used to sharing, especially not the bigger things, but she knew it would come out sooner or later.

"When you dated that douchebag Michael Fish?"

"Yeah," Jane said. "Did you know what was going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"He got me pregnant."

Bellowing laughter filled the car. Jane's confidence dissipated. She was about ready for the ground to swallow her whole when Frankie saw the seriousness on her face and abruptly stopped laughing.

"Are you _serious_?"

"You were just a kid," she said. "I don't think you noticed that I started wearing baggy tops and things changed."

"Jane." His mouth dropped open, his eyes searched hers for something more to latch onto.

"Ashley." She bit the bullet and continued, before her nerves and lack of confidence got the better of her. It would be much simpler to not say anything. She needed to tell him, though, she needed to do something if she was going to prove to Ashley that she was trying. "The latent transfer from Vermont. She's my daughter."

" _What_?" Frankie's eyes bugged.

"She's my kid." The words still felt alien to say. She had a daughter out there in the world, right there underneath their noses. But the more she said them, the more they settled with her. She carefully analysed the expression on Frankie's face. The confusion. The shock.

"I never knew," Frankie said, shaking his head. "Why didn't anybody ever tell me you had a baby?"

"Me tell my pimple faced teenage brother that I was growing a person inside of me?" Jane asked, rolling her eyes.

"Fair point," he said. "Now that you mention it, she does kind of look like you."

"Weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Frankie stared at her. "You have a kid."

"Stop looking at me like that."

"But you have a _kid_."

"In case you haven't noticed, I have two," Jane said, her eyes lighting up as pride filled her from the inside.

"Toby?" Frankie asked.

"Yeah," she said.

"He's a lucky kid."

"You think?"

"Yeah. You've been good to him."

"Your mind been blown yet?" Jane asked, rolling her eyes. They'd only been sat there for a few moments, but to Jane it felt like a lifetime. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had such a deep and meaningful conversation with Frankie, not about something so personal.

"Just a bit," he said. "Thank you, for telling me."

"Don't tell anyone, yeah?" Jane asked. "Korsak, everyone at BPD, they don't know."

"Does Ma know?"

"That I have a kid?" Jane raised her eyebrows. " _Yeah_."

"That she's here," he said.

"I introduced them the other day," Jane said, averting her eyes.

"What was that look?"

"What look?"

"You looked like someone ripped your heart out of your chest."

"It's complicated," she replied.

"Wait, is Ashley the reason you and Ma barely talked for like three years?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

Jane sighed. She had reached her saturation point. She needed a healthy dose of not sharing to balance out the conversation. "Not now, Frankie."

"Can I talk to Ashley?"

"As a cop, yeah, as her uncle, no," Jane said.

"I'm her _uncle_." He shook his head. "Uncle Frankie. How weird is that? Why can't I talk to her?"

"It's complicated. Now shut your mouth, we're done sharing."

Jane turned on the car, pushed the stick into drive and set off back to BPD.

* * *

 **Author Notes : I didn't know Frankie was going to be so heavily involved in this chapter, but there we go. I honestly believe stories write themselves, sometimes. I'd love to know what you think. I have a rough idea about what is going to happen, but always open to suggestions and ideas. Constructive criticism welcome. Outright criticism less so.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Notes : Thanks so much everyone for your comments and alerts/favs, etc. I am a little annoyed at myself with this chapter because there was a line I wanted to put in it which I noted down, but now I can't find it. I hope you enjoy it without said line, I guess it doesn't necessarily need it. I just really liked it. Apparently I update several times, then have a long gap...we'll see whether I can keep the momentum going.**

* * *

"Let's get this party started," Angela said, entering the house before Maura could even fully open the door. She turned around, taken aback by Angela's presence, and followed her into the lounge.

"I thought…I was b-bringing Toby to you," she said.

Angela shrugged, her arms out at her sides. "No need, he knows his home, he knows his bed. If you and Janie are going to be working, then it doesn't hurt nobody."

"Anybody," Maura corrected, though her voice trailed off as Angela continued.

"He'll sleep better here, and I can stay in the guest bedroom. That way if he wakes, I can take care of him. If you're going to be getting home late I wouldn't want you to lose more beauty sleep."

"Thank you, Angela," Maura said. "But there's n-no n-need for you to stay here. You…can take h-him to your place."

"Nonsense," she said. "You know it makes perfect sense. Where should I set up the pirate ship?"

"Pirate ship?" Maura frowned. Her son was too young for the kind of games that involved pirates. Besides, she wasn't too sure she liked the idea of promoting mayhem, debauchery, and stealing. "He's one."

"He's old enough to wear a hat and eat pirate shaped treats," Angela said, pulling a small pirate hat out of a bag.

The battle was not one which Maura felt like fighting. She had fought enough against some of the things Jane wished to do with their son, and sometimes she wondered if she was doing the right thing fighting so hard. She knew her own failings as a mother, and she craved the influence of the Rizzolis. Even when that influence clashed with her sense of logic and reasoning. She forged a smile and tried to think about the evening ahead.

"Do you have e-everything you need, Angela?"

"'Course," she said, laying down a bluey-green blanket where she threw paper fish, or at least they looked like fish; cartoon fish, rather than the accurate representations that Maura would have opted for. Another thing she had to fight against correcting. "I've raised three of my own, remember? I got this."

"Thank you, I a-appreciate your…helping."

Once the fish were in place, Angela stood up. "The only thing I don't have is Toby."

"He should be…waking up from a n-nap any moment," Maura said.

"Maura," Angela said, stepping closer.

"Yes, Angela?"

"Have you spoken to Jane, about Ashley?"

"A little. She keeps her c-cards close to…her chest."

"She wasn't like that before," Angela said, her eyes dropped to the counter beside them, a glistening on the edge of her eyelids. "It changed her. She never really connected with anyone after she gave Ashley up. I think she forgot how to love for a while. She forgot how to talk to her family, and she never went back."

Maura tilted her head. There were some aspects of Jane's life that Maura would never truly know, especially with how closed up Jane was about her past, present, even her future. Hearing Angela speak so candidly gave her an insight into a world she was never part of. She didn't know whether she wanted to hear it or not.

"I lost her, for a long time," Angela said, her smile never reaching her eyes. "It's my own fault for not supporting her properly. It's the only thing I truly regret as a parent."

"I think we do…the things we th-think are best, even if in hindsight, we…could have done more," Maura said, resting a hand against Angela's shoulder.

"What time do you need to leave?" Angela asked. "Could you stay for a coffee?"

"I think I can m-manage a few more minutes," Maura said.

x

Maura rolled onto her front and rested her head against her hands, her eyes fixed on Jane. "Do you feel relieved?"

"What about?" Jane asked, a crease formed between her eyebrows.

"Having sex."

"Oh. That." Jane tucked her hands under the side of her head; her eyebrows raised, a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I'm more than relieved."

"Not _that_ relieved, Jane." Maura sighed. She wasn't frustrated with Jane the way she got sometimes, she was contented, and that provoked all the sounds she could muster. "Relieved that w-we've gone past that awkward first time."

"I don't think it was awkward."

"No. It wasn't."

"I could go again." The smile on Jane's lips grew wider until it reached the corners of her eyes. Her fingertips tingled as she trailed them along Maura's shoulder blade and down her back. The involuntary shudder ran through her. "And again. And again."

"Lucky we have all night," Maura said, scooting closer.

"I just wish we had your bed," Jane said. "Mine's all lumpy and small. My mother has a lot to answer for."

"I offered to buy you a new mattress," Maura said. "And there was n-nothing…we could do about Angela. She insisted, and I didn't know how to explain th-that we wanted the house to ourselves without breaking my silence…over our relationship."

"I don't want a new mattress. I want your mattress."

"I could buy you one identical."

"Why bother?" Jane asked. "I want to sleep in your bed, with you, from now on."

Jane closed the small gap. Her eyes darted back and forth between Maura's lips, and her eyes, until she finally settled on the hazel colouring. When she stared at Maura she felt like she could see into her soul, not that she'd ever tell her that. She knew the science probably wouldn't support her theory and she didn't want to lose the magic.

"Did you notice you don't stutter as much when you're talking to me?"

"Yeah. I noticed."

"You must really like me," Jane whispered, the crackle in her voice came out more the quieter she attempted to speak.

"I do."

"Good. Cause I really like you back."

Jane closed the gap completely. Her tongue trailed across Maura's bottom lip, their mouths merged together. The deeper they joined, the more desperate Maura became. She reached out, her hands slipped carelessly across Jane's body, pulling her closer, searching for a release from the sexual desire pushing her forwards. She pushed her hand down further, fought the urge to stare into Jane's eyes as she sought a battle. When she found what she was looking for, her eyes trailed back to Jane's, watching the victory unfold as she knocked down Jane's defenses and pushed her over the edge.

An hour later, as sweat coated their skin, they wrapped themselves up in each other's bodies; a tangle of arms and legs.

"I can't believe how much everything h-has changed," Maura said.

"Right?" Jane replied. "We're both moms. We're seeing women."

"Did you ever think you'd end up in a happy little family?"

"Me? Never."

"I think your mom knows how hard this is for you. With Ashley."

Jane turned away, her eyes landed on the ceiling. "She hasn't spoken to me since I introduced them."

"We talked today," Maura said.

"You and Ma?"

"Yeah."

Jane shrugged. "Care to share why we're talking about my mother again after having the best sex I've ever had?"

"The best?"

"Yeah." Her chest heaved, still not quite having come down from orgasm. "I should have tried this gay thing a long time ago."

Maura ran the side of her finger along Jane's cheek. "Do you think you're gay?"

"I dunno," Jane said. "It was pretty mind blowing with a couple of guys too."

"You don't have to l-label it."

"No. I guess not."

"So, _Angela_ ," Maura said, sidestepping back to the original line of conversation. "She told me some things, about...what happened when A-Ashley was born. How you pulled away, stopped sh-sharing. I think she regrets the...way she handled things."

"She's not the only one."

"You need to talk to her."

"I don't know how to." Jane turned away again. She didn't know whether to feel annoyed at Maura for meddling in something that still hurt a lot. Especially since they'd had such an incredible night.

"Sure you do." Maura sensed the shift in Jane's mood. "You do it all the time."

Jane untangled herself from Maura. She allowed her legs to dangle down the side of her bed as she carefully considered her answer. "Not about this. I thought we'd never come back from it."

"But you did." Maura moved behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder. Maintaining contact without forcing too much back on Jane. "I had no idea there were ever any problems between you two."

"We learned to pretend it never happened, I guess."

"Jane," Maura whispered, resting her chin against Jane's shoulder.

"Yeah?" she turned to face her, needed to see her face again.

"I think sex makes you m-more honest about how you're feeling."

"No, it doesn't." Jane shook her head.

"But," Maura began, her attempts to protest were thwarted.

" _You_ make me more honest," Jane said, pulling Maura back into her arms. "Everything that's happened, I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," Maura said, completing the embrace. "As long as I h-have anything to do with it."

A surge of love, of hope and expectation filled Jane until she could barely breathe. Where before a heavy weight might have landed on her chest, the second she considered her whole future with one person, she only felt excited. She cupped Maura's cheeks and focused all of her attention on her hazel eyes. "Marry me."

"Pardon?" Maura sat back down on the bed. The statement knocked her for six. Maybe she heard it wrong. Maybe Jane was playing a joke.

"I'm sorry," Jane said. "I know we've been together for five minutes. I just can't see myself with anyone else. Ever again. I want to be with you, Maura. You, me and Toby, and Ashley if she wants; I want us to be a family."

"You...you haven't even told your m-mom that we're together," Maura said, finding solace in something finite that she could grasp hold of.

"Is that a yes?" Jane asked, her confidence wavered and Maura felt sad. She knew how big it was for Jane to ask her, for her to open herself up like that.

"I don't want to hurt you," she said. She at least had to be honest. "But I don't think w-we should rush into m-making big d-decisions."

"Who's rushing in?" Jane said. Whilst she appreciated where Maura was coming from, and the thought of what she was saying would have usually crushed her, she didn't regret for a second bringing it up. "We already know everything about each other."

"Let's sleep on it," Maura said.

"That's not a no," Jane said, forcing her lips to curve as her resolve took a slight battering. She couldn't blame Maura for her reservations, if she could see things clearly from the outside, she'd have said the same thing. It didn't stop her from feeling a little disappointed.

"I'd never say no to you, Jane."

"So it's a yes?" she asked, smirking. There was going to be no answer tonight, she knew that deep down. Trying to weed out exactly how Maura felt was all she could do.

"I'd marry you in a heartbeat," Maura said, wrapping her arms around Jane's body and clinging to her. If she couldn't give her an answer, she could at least show her how much their intimacy had meant. "If I thought it was a good idea to do it r-right now."

"So why don't we?"

"Jane." Maura sat back again, her arms dropped to her sides. "I think the immunoglobulin A has gone to your head."

"Is that even possible?"

"Considering immunoglobulin is part of the blood, then yes it does go to the head. But the way I meant, no."

"You provide me with all the knowledge I wouldn't have if I had to rely on the complicated responses on Google. We're a match made in heaven."

"Really?" Maura asked, practically snorting.

"Hey, that's my line."

"The point being I-I think you need to take some time to think about this."

"We already live together." The technicality of their living arrangements was just that, and Maura was about to jump in when Jane continued. "I only sleep in the guesthouse because I'm giving you time. We have a son. You have a son. We both feel like I'm his mom. We've done everything couples do together - even get a couples' massages."

Maura smiled. "Let's give it a couple of days."

"Okay," Jane said. "We'll get married in a couple of days."

"You're incorrigible."

"I love you too." Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist and tackled her back down against the bed, her teeth nibbling ever so slightly on the skin on her neck as she mumbled against it. "If you want to wait a day, we'll wait a day. If you want to wait forever, I don't really need a government license to show how much I'm in this."

x

"What time is it?" Jane asked, stretching her arms out above her as Maura watched her.

"After six. We should get u-up, or we'll both be late for w-work."

"I don't wanna," Jane said, laying kisses along Maura's collarbone, attacking her skin with fingers and lips. Maura succumbed to the pleasure. She closed her eyes and got lost in blindly feeling her way across the body she knew so well and yet didn't know at all. She knew it wouldn't take long to discover every crevice, and despite the need to go to work, she didn't want to be away from Jane for a second.

"We shouldn't," Maura whispered, finding Jane's lips and deepening their previous kisses.

The bedroom door opened abruptly. No warning came as Angela stood in the doorway with Toby in her arms, her eyes wide and her face a distinct shade of pink.

"Oh," she said, already stepping backwards.

"Ma!" Jane grappled with the comforter, pulling it tightly against her chest as she shouted. "Get out!"

* * *

 **Author Notes : Dun-dun-duuuh! Haha. I couldn't resist a bit of a cliffhanger. (I know, I know, the "marry me" thing is awfully soon, it just felt right to have her ask [that writing itself thing again]. I'd love to know your thoughts on what they should do about it...)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author Note : I have had such a busy few weeks, mostly notably, going to the Netherlands for work. It was a fantastic week and I really enjoyed myself. Now that work is settling down a little, for the time being, hopefully I can get a bit more writing done. It's probably going to be up and down still, though. Thanks to everyone who is still here, still reading, and enjoying my story. I hope you continue to enjoy it.**

* * *

"Not what either of us wanted to see, hey Toby?" said Angela with an apologetic smile as she closed the door again.

"Not what either of us wanted you to see," Jane said, slipping on a robe as she followed her mother out of the room. She hovered by the doorway and turned back to Maura briefly. "I still wanna marry you."

When she reached the living area, Angela was already sat on the couch, waiting for her. Her face gave nothing away.

"You shouldn't just walk into someone's bedroom, Ma," Jane said.

"I tried Maura's room but she wasn't there, I figured you'd still be at BPD."

"Why did you need to try any room? You were babysitting, not given the keys to the kingdom."

"I couldn't find Toby's giraffe."

Jane tilted her head to one side. "It's in his toy box, and he likes the _tortoise_ now."

"Well, I couldn't see it. He was grizzly. I think he missed his Mama. I didn't realise you'd be doing that. I didn't even know it was an option. I mean, I knew it was an _option_ , but I didn't think _you_ knew."

Jane shook her head and perched on the coffee table in front of her. "You _knew_ it was an option?"

"I know you, Janie." Angela placed Toby down on the couch beside her. "You've never been happy. Not since you grew boobs and got your period."

"Jeez, thanks, Ma," Jane said, reaching her hands out to Toby as he stared up at her.

"I'm only saying this because I love you. No one you've ever been with before has made you happy. Not like Maura has. I didn't think you'd ever realise how much she means."

She lifted Toby up and onto her lap. "Why would you?"

"You think I don't see you? I see who you are. I've always known you." Angela reached out and gripped her fingers. Jane smiled. "Maybe I should have told you, but I figured eventually you'd get there."

"I don't think I want to discuss this," Jane said.

Everything was happening wrong. She was supposed to sit her mother down and prepare her for big news. Extra big news if Maura agreed to marry her. She certainly didn't expect to be caught in the act. The only solace was the fact she and Maura weren't doing something much more x-rated. She reclaimed her fingers and wrapped them around Toby.

Angela sighed and a brief silence followed. "You think I hate you for giving Ashley away." The change of subject felt even less comfortable. Jane moved to the couch beside her mother. "I don't hate you, Jane. I could never hate you. I hated myself. For a long time. I let you down. You were a child but you were old enough to know what was best for your daughter and I should have respected that."

"Ma," she said, tilting her head. She cupped Angela's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's not your fault."

"When your dad left I could see how much it broke you. You didn't need to tell me for me to know. It was the same heartbreak I saw when you gave away your little girl. Deep down I knew how much you were hurting but I didn't do much about it. He was your rock after Ashley, and I felt jealous. For a long time I couldn't forgive either of you for how close you got. It was never about your baby. I lost you because I was too busy thinking about how I felt that I forgot you." She hunched forwards, her eyes glistened. "I will never be able to take back those years. I would do anything."

"Ma, come on, don't cry," Jane said, squeezing her hand again. "You didn't lose me. I thought I lost _you_. Then one day we moved on and I'm so glad we did."

"I love you, Janie. Whatever you choose for your life, I know that you make the right decisions in the end. That's how I know I raised you right. You don't settle, and you don't take a route because it's easy."

Jane allowed the expressions to coat her face, for her lips to curve at the edges. She and Maura had been in their own little bubble for so long that she felt exhausted at the idea of keeping it from anyone any longer. She placed her hands around Toby's stomach and kissed his head, staring up into Angela's eyes. "I love her, Ma. I love them both. They mean everything."

"I know they do," Angela said, running a hand across the side of Jane's head. "When she went to live with Jack I thought you'd never recover.'

"I wasn't that bad," Jane said, but she knew it was a lie. Any longer and she might have followed Maura to New Mexico.

"No," Angela said, reaching for Jane's hand once more. "But I knew it was only a matter of time before you couldn't handle it anymore."

"Doesn't matter now." Jane leant back against the couch cushions. "None of it matters now."

They sat in silence, side by side, for a few minutes. A comfortable silence settled between them. Jane clung to Toby. The boy who was as much a part of her as anyone else in her life. She glanced back at the doorway to the bedroom.

"Don't think this lets you off for walking in here without knocking," she said, half joking.

"How was I supposed to know you two were hooking up?" Angela asked.

"You don't live in the guest house anymore, Ma, I do." Jane shook her head. "Don't say hooking up again, please."

"You live in the guest house?" Angela asked, her eyebrow raised.

"For now," Jane said, knowing that her residency in Maura's guesthouse was merely a formality and it would only be a matter of time before things changed permanently.

"Would you like me to take Toby back into the house so you two can finish hooking up?" Angela asked, winking at Jane.

"Don't do the winking thing, and stop saying hooking up," Jane said, kissing Toby's head and handing him back to Angela.

Angela face lit up into the brightest smile. "I'm so glad, tell Maura how glad I am."

"She can probably hear you, Ma."

"Tell her anyway."

"Fine," Jane said, then raised her voice. "Maura, Ma's glad we're together."

"I'm glad too, Angela," Maura shouted back.

"Now please leave," Jane said, stalking across the room and holding open the front door. As Angela walked up to her, Jane leant down and kissed Toby on the cheek. "I love you, be a good boy."

Once the door had closed, Jane turned back to the bedroom. She froze, her eyes trailed down Maura's body, as she stood in the doorway wearing little more than a bed sheet. The guest house was not big enough that Jane had full privacy. Maura had heard every word. The more she heard Jane talk about her, the more she wanted to pull her back into her arms.

"I was h-hoping your mother would leave…soon."

"Oh God," Jane whispered, marching towards Maura. She stood firm in the doorway, looking up into Jane's eyes. "I love Toby, but I am so glad he's not here right now."

"Me too," Maura said, opening her eyes and closing them several times. When Jane's arm wrapped around her waist, she allowed herself to be pulled backwards as she stumbled across the room towards the bed. A couple of steps away, her foot caught in the sheet and she tumbled backwards, Jane landed on top of her.

"When I said I fell for you, I didn't mean literally," Jane said, trailing her lips along Maura's collarbone.

Maura wrapped her hands around Jane's cheeks and pulled her face against her own. "I'll take literally."

x

Jane tossed the file on the desk in front of Ashley. She'd waited a week. She couldn't wait any longer and if talking about Ashley's adoptive mother would help open up the lines of communication, then she was going to do it. Ashley stared at her. Folding her hands across her chest, Jane waited for her to open the file.

"I wish there were more answers," she said, leaning on the edge of the desk. "I didn't want to show you until I could tell you something useful."

"Where did you get this?" Ashley asked.

"I have a friend in the medical examiners officer," Jane said, with a half smile. "I spoke to the ME who dealt with your mother's case. There were no suspicious circumstances, she didn't suffer a heart attack or a stroke. She just died."

"People don't just die," Ashley said, closing the file. She averted her gaze, but Jane had already seen the tears strolling down her cheek.

"Ashley," she said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"If I could do anything more to find the answers, I would. I've exhausted all avenues."

"Did they do a tox screen?" Ashley asked, flicking back a couple of pages through the folder.

"I dunno, I assume so," Jane said, glancing across at the page Ashley was looking at. "All I recall was a larger than average consumption of alcohol."

"Did you talk to my brother?"

"No."

"Then you didn't do everything you could." Ashley slammed the file down on the desk and closed her eyes. "You need to talk to Sean. You need to ask him if he hid anything from the officers who spoke to him after she died."

"Why would I need to speak to Sean?" Jane asked, leaning against the edge of the desk.

Ashley paused, the thought ticked through her mind before she allowed herself to say it. "Because he might have moved the bottle of pills."

Jane stood up straight. "You think she tried to end her own life?"

"She tried before." Ashley's voice was barely audible. Jane leant back against the desk. "I thought she might try again. Sean didn't want to believe it. His wife's Born Again. They don't accept that she was hurting."

"Oh God, Ashley, I had no idea."

"You wouldn't." Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "I don't exactly tell people that my mom was depressed for her entire adult life."

"Did anything happen that might have pushed her to suicide?"

"I don't know. Sean might, he never told me. He wouldn't talk about it. She went to stay with him after her last attempt. We all decided that a change of environment might help. It did the opposite."

"I'll do what I can," Jane said, picking up the file. "But it's not my place to be investigating.

Despite being there mostly to talk business, Jane couldn't move. She held the case file against her chest and watched as Ashley stared into space. She sighed. Their relationship might have been non-existent, and whatever sliver of a relationship they did have was fractured, Jane still felt an insurmountable amount of sadness. She reached out and gave Ashley's shoulder a squeeze.

"Thank you," she said, pulled from her reverie. "For trying to help."

"It's no trouble." Jane knew she was pushing her luck, but she had to try. They were making progress, no matter how small, and she wasn't willing to let that go so easily. "Maybe we could get a drink after work"

"I don't think so," Ashley replied.

Jane's shoulder's sunk. She didn't know why she expected more, she should have known when Ashley didn't contact her, that she needed more time.

"But," she began, then allowed her voice to trail off.

"I appreciate your help," Ashley said, forging a smile. "I just need time."

"Okay." She took a step back, ready to leave her be. For a week she'd been trying to find a way to explain her relationship with Maura to her colleagues. Every time she opened her mouth to speak, all she could think about was Ashley finding out along the BPD grapevine. "Hey, Ashley."

"Yeah?"

"When you're ready to talk, I've got something I need to tell you. It's important."

"Okay."

Jane took another step back. She seemed in no rush to find out what she needed to say and Jane wasn't going to push it. She'd already pushed too hard. "See you around."

"Jane," Ashley said, before she reached the door. She turned, her eyes wide with expectation. "If you want to tell me, now, that would be okay."

She gritted her teeth. "I'd rather it be somewhere more private."

"I really need to finish this," Ashley said, holding up another file she'd been working on. Jane stared at the ground, her expectations once again shattered. "Just give me a couple of days."

Jane nodded. "Alright."

* * *

 **Author Note : So if you didn't figure it out from the chapter, Angela doesn't live at Maura's house anymore. Jane lives in Maura's guest house and has done since Maura and Toby came back from New Mexico. I don't know where Angela lives, she probably has her own apartment somewhere. Or maybe she lives with Frankie.**

 **Thanks for reading! Hoping to get another chapter written and up soon. Though tomorrow I have a Pride event in my local town that I'm volunteering at for a helpline I'm involved in. Enjoy your weekend folks!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Note : I don't know why but I hit a stumbling block before this chapter. So I wrote a really random, totally OOC and OTT Greys Anatomy fic (which I may or may not post) and that helped me get back to this fic. I passed my driving test 3 weeks ago so I do have more time to spare, even if I'm procrastinating ad using that time to do other things that aren't writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter. More to come just as soon as I write it!**

* * *

The front door slammed shut. Jane stalked into the kitchen, her arms swung by her sides. She opened the fridge, pulled out a cold beer and cracked it open on the side of the counter.

"I wish you wouldn't d-do it like that."

She turned around. The beer rested against her bottom lip. "Jeez, Maura, you scared me."

"It damages the granite," Maura said.

"I'll buy new granite," Jane said, shrugging.

"It's $250 p-per square foot."

"How many square feet?"

"Around fifty."

"It was thousands of dollars?" Jane's chin dropped. "For a counter top?"

"Jane."

The distance between them shrunk as Maura stepped forwards. The atmosphere changed. An intensity shrouded them. Jane tapped her foot, patience was not her friend.

"What?" she asked.

"It's early," Maura said, resting her hand on Jane's arm. She could see the dip in Jane's mood. "Why are you slamming doors and drinking beer?"

She sighed. "The kid wouldn't hear me out."

Maura's shoulders sunk. Her grip on Jane's arm tightened and she pulled her into her arms. "I'm sorry."

"Why? It's not your fault," Jane said, lowering her chin to Maura's shoulder and holding her tightly. "I screwed up. I gave her time, and it's not enough. Maybe she'll never forgive me."

The ache in Maura's heart was joined by a desire to fix the problem. If she found a way to stop Ashley from responding the way she did, maybe Jane wouldn't be so upset. A solution was easier said than done and Maura anticipated her involvement would only piss Jane off.

"I wish I could m-make this better for you."

"You can't."

"No."

Jane cleared her throat and pawed at her cheek. "She seemed so grateful for the information I had about her mom. When I tried to talk to her about us, she didn't want to talk anymore."

"Did you tell her it...was important?"

"Yeah." Jane rested her elbows on the granite. Her face dropped into her hands. "I didn't want to tell her at BPD. I didn't know how to get her somewhere else."

"You know...she'll be okay with t-this, right?"

"How do you know that?" Jane stood upright, her shoulders back and a steely glare in her eyes. Regret settled in the pit of Maura's stomach. Her words were not helping.

"She's not exactly t-talked like she's...homophobic," she said, pushing forward despite her reservations.

"Doesn't mean she'll be okay. I just really need her to know how much I love you, that we're getting married."

"I still can't believe I said yes."

"You must be mad," Jane said, interlinking a finger with Maura's.

"The only mad-ness in me is how much I...love you," Maura said, cupping Jane's cheek. She closed the gap. Their fingers still linked. Maura leant forwards and brushed her lips against Jane's. "Your mom asked to babysit."

"She asked?" Jane raise an eyebrow.

"I think she wanted...to give us some time a-alone."

"Thank you Angela Rizzoli," Jane said, capturing Maura's mouth. Her fingers danced across Maura's back, snaking their way along the fabric of her dress until she reached the zipper. Slowly she pulled on the metal zip, dragging the teeth apart, her own nibbling playfully on Maura's neck.

"I need to shower," Maura whispered. She slipped her fingers into the waistband of Jane's slacks and tugged her shirt out from its neatly formed home.

"Are you dirty?" Jane asked, abandoning the zipper to cup Maura's cheeks.

Maura's eyes fixed on Jane's. "So very dirty."

x

Maura stood in the entrance hall of City Hall just before noon. When Jane entered, her face lit up and she pulled her into a tight embrace. She worried about Jane every moment that they weren't together. Knowing she was at work, probably with Ashley under her nose, made it harder for Maura to focus on her day at home with Toby. She shifted the baby from one hip to the other.

"What are we doing here?" Jane asked, kissing Toby on the cheek then turning her attention to Maura. "What's the emergency?"

"We're applying for a m-marriage license, so...we can get married on F-Friday," Maura said.

Jane frowned. "Wait...what?"

"You wanted to get married, so let's get married," Maura said. She ran a finger across Jane's cheek. Her entire attention fixed on Jane. "You, me, Toby, let's make it official."

"What about the wedding?"

"What about it, Jane?"

"You want a dress, and cake and flowers." She took a step backwards. "You want the whole kitten shebang."

"Kitten shebang?"

"You want it all."

"I think it's kit and c-caboodle, Jane, or the whole shebang."

"Kit and whatever. I think you're beginning to rub off on me," she smirked. "It's what you want. You want everything."

"How do you know?" Maura asked, she checked her watch. There were five minutes until their appointment time.

Jane gripped Maura's hand between them. "You ordered a crate of champagne for Toby's first birthday party."

"I cancelled that," Maura said. The original plan for Toby's birthday was bigger than she finally settled on. That didn't mean she wanted to marry Jane in a massive ceremony surrounded by hundreds of people they barely knew.

"Only when I pointed out that half our guests are strictly beer drinkers."

"I don't need a big wedding, J-Jane," Maura said. "I don't need a fancy...dress, or a b-big cake. I don't n-need beautiful white gardenias, or place settings, or a...first dance. I don't need an award winning ph-photographer to take...photographs of me smashing cake into your face. W-why would I need to smash cake into your face? Or have a...dress I wear once? I don't need a stunning...venue, or a horse drawn c-carriage, or our families and friends. All I need is you and-and our son."

Jane sighed. "Maura. If you didn't need all of those things, why did you list them all like you've thought about it a million times?"

She smiled. Her eyes glistened, creases formed at the corners. "I don't need them to marry you...I only need them to celebrate the fact we're m-married."

"What are you saying?"

"We get our license today, we get m-married on Friday with...Toby. Then we celebrate w-with our family and friends, and all of the tr-trimmings, later."

"Yeah?" Jane's eyebrows creased together. "That's what you want?"

"It's what I want."

"Let's do it."

x

The baby alarm clock woke them just before six. Jane crawled out of bed and went into the nursery to retrieve Toby, to stem his cries for attention. She held him close, swaying him back and forwards. In the bedroom she climbed under the comforter and placed Toby down between them.

"Good morning," Jane said, pressing her lips against Maura's. "How are you feeling about today?"

"Nervous," Maura said, placing a hand against Toby's back. "You?"

"Same."

"We're doing the right thing."

"Ma is gonna be pissed when she finds out."

"It's our relationship," Maura said. "Are you s-sure you don't...mind us doing it alone?"

Jane sighed. "It's the only way I want to do it. But I'd do the big wedding thing for you, just say the word."

"No," Maura said. "You are enough."

"You do realise it's supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the wedding," Jane said.

Maura laughed. "We're both brides. I th-think we're already breaking the c-conventions of a...so called...traditional marriage."

"I wish Toby was old enough to understand," Jane said. She scooped him up. His laughter made her heart swell. "Are you excited for your mamas wedding?"

"We'll have to take...photos, so we can tell h-him all about it when...he's older." Maura retrieved Toby and placed him down on the bed. She wrapped her fingers around Jane's cheeks and pulled her against her mouth. "This is t-the family I always wanted."

"Really?" Jane asked. "This is the family you pictured when you were growing up?"

"Not exactly," Maura said. "But this is...the family I want now. The only family I ever want."

"Stop before you start crying."

Maura raised her eyebrows. "I'm perfectly stable, you're...the one with t-tears on her cheeks."

She pawed at her face. "Am not."

"Go to the guest house. It's...time to get r-ready. I don't want t-to see you be...before we arrive for the ceremony."

Jane lifted Toby onto her hip. "Okay, but I get to dress the baby."

"But I picked out an outfit," Maura said.

"I bought him an outfit," Jane said. "I win."

"Please tell me h-he won't be...coming to the wedding d-dressed as a T-Rex."

Jane moved her fingers across her lips as though zipping them up. Maura frowned. She wanted the day to go well, and having Jane play games was not helping her nerves.

"I'm joking, Maura," she said. "I promise. Toby will be presentable."

"Okay." She kissed his hand. "I love you. Both."

"We love you too, don't we Tobes?" Jane waved his hand and put on a childlike voice. "'We do, Mama. Don't worry about Ma, she's only teasing.' You hear that, Maura? You have nothing to worry about."

"I hope not."

x

The underdressed, non-descript room in City Hall left little to be desired, but Maura didn't care. Jane stood at the front in her police uniform, an outfit she only took out for special occasions. She looked as smart and as beautiful as ever. Her tangled mess of dark curls were pulled into a tight bun, the lapels of her jacket neatly pressed. If she didn't know any better, she would have assumed Angela had been in charge of her outfit.

"Hi," she mouthed across the room. She stood at one end of the aisle, waiting for the ceremonial act of walking down it, towards the love of her life.

When the music started, Maura's lips curled into a smile so large her cheeks ached. She walked forwards, her eyes permanently fixed on Jane's. When she got a little closer, she spotted Toby stood at her feet, wearing a tiny tuxedo. An outfit very similar to the one she had wished for him, but had not had the time to purchase. Tears filled her eyes as he stumbled towards her, one foot in front of the other; the first real attempt at walking she'd seen.

"When did this happen?" she asked, forgetting about the pomp and circumstance of their ceremony.

"After he took a few steps last week, we practiced. I wanted to surprise you."

She scooped her boy up into her arms and rested him against her hip. "My clever boy."

She turned her attention back to Jane. Her eyes glistened in much the same way Maura expected her own did. She took the few steps forward, to Jane's side, where she placed Toby on the floor. She reached out for Jane's hands.

"You look...beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you," Jane said, holding her at arms length as she stared down at the white dress. She leant forwards, her lips pressed against Maura's ear. "I can't believe you're really mine."

"Are you ready?" the officiant asked. They both nodded.

She began the ceremony. The usual spiel that always preceded a ceremonial event, in the state of Massachusetts. Maura listened to every word, attempting to commit them all to memory. Though she knew deep down that they would never get past the overwhelming sense of happiness.

"Have you prepared vows?"

"Yes," Jane said. "Can I go first?"

"Please," Maura said.

"Maura, a long time ago I thought I'd never find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was miserable and alone and I drank way too much beer. Then I met you. I didn't know what I felt; at first, I thought I just really liked having a friend - a best friend - but what I really felt was love so strong that I doubt it'll ever go away. You have given me so much; love, friendship, a son, and I will spend every moment from this one doing what I can to make you as happy as you've made me. I love you."

"I love you too," said Maura, leaning forwards, her cheeks wet with tears.

"No kissing yet," Jane said, their mouths practically touching.

"Maura, would you like to say your vows?"

"Jane. Oh, Jane. I spent so many years completely alone. I thought that my career was enough. I didn't know how to be myself with other people and I got lost in the monicker of Queen of the Dead. I hid behind a mask of medical examiner. I forgot who I was. I forgot what mattered most to me and I forgot how to be...human. The day I met you at BPD, when you were in your fish nets, and your prostitute clothes."

"I was undercover," Jane said, the officiant's face awash with confusion. "I'm a cop."

"I didn't know who you were but I knew there was something about you that I was drawn to. That's why I stepped up and tried to give you money. I didn't realise then that a few years later you would give me the friendship and love I needed to find myself again. Deep down I think I always knew that I loved you, that you were more than just a friend. It was so far out of my realm of expectation that I didn't know what to do with it when you admitted you felt the same way too. You have been more a part of my family than anyone who really is. You're more than that. You are everything to me, Jane. I love you and I always will."

Jane's chin dropped, her mouth agape as she stared back at Maura. "You said all of that without stuttering."

"I've been p-practising," Maura said. "I wanted it to be perfect."

Jane gripped Maura's fingers between them, then wiped again at her cheeks. "You're already perfect, Maur."

"By the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I now pronounce you wife and wife," the officiant said, her smile reached her eyes. "You may kiss."

Closing the gap, Jane slipped a hand around the back of Maura's neck and pulled her in close. Her lips hovered against Maura's, their breath harried. Without a second thought, the space disappeared. Their mouths moved together, until Toby's voice cried out, breaking apart their bubble.

"Ma!"

"That's right," Maura said, lifting him back onto her hip. "Jane is your mama now too."

* * *

 **Author Note : Weddings aren't necessarily my forte, and I wasn't even going to write it, but then I did. So there we go. I hope you enjoyed it. Thoughts and such are welcome, but please be constructive/kind.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author Notes** **: Thank you so much to everyone who read, reviewed and enjoyed the last chapter. As some of you pointed out, Jane and Maura deserved some happiness after all they've been through. No matter how short. I'm glad you're on board with the quick wedding. I don't usually like to make that happen, as it is very quick, but it felt like the right thing for them. Thanks for celebrating with them.**

* * *

"Jane! Jane, what are you doing?" Maura shouted. She batted Jane's arm a couple of times as she scooped her up into her arms on the driveway. "Put me down!"

"Not until we cross the threshold," Jane said.

"Toby is still in the car."

"He's asleep," Jane said. "He'll be fine for five minutes. I'll go back for him."

She carried her through the front door, not stopping until they hit the living area. Jane stopped, the feel of Maura in her arms was one she didn't want to let go of. Eventually, she lowered her to the ground. Before Maura could move away, she pulled her back into her arms and trailed her lips down the side of Maura's neck.

"I love that Toby got to see us get married," she said. "But I wish Ma was babysitting."

"I should get him out of the car," Maura said, closing the gap once more and pulling Jane into a deep, passionate embrace.

"No," Jane said. "Sit. Open some wine. I'll get our son."

She bounced back to the door, her heart swelled inside her chest. Every moment she thought about her life she couldn't contain the excitement. By the doorway, she turned back to Maura and watched her retrieve a bottle of wine and two glasses. When did she get so lucky?

Carrying Toby into the house, Jane placed him down onto the play mat by the couch and settled in beside Maura. "We should pack a bag and find a hotel somewhere. Before someone gets murdered."

Maura reached down and rested a hand over Toby's ears. "Don't say the M word in f-front of Toby."

"Before someone gets m-u-r-d-e-r-e-r...e...d."

Maura raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't you r-rather plan a proper honeymoon?"

"It wouldn't be our honeymoon," Jane said. "Our first night together is special."

"Is Jane Rizzoli really getting...sentimental?"

"Hey, I can be sentimental. Especially when you're involved."

"I don't mind how we spend...our first night, as long as it's t-together."

As if on cue, their phones started to ring. One after the other. Jane groaned and slipped her cell out of her pocket. What were the chances that it would be a sales call? She turned it over in her hand: B.P.D. She groaned again.

"Rizzoli."

"Isles," Maura said, holding her own cellphone to her ear.

x

A crowd of bystanders gathered on the sidewalk. Maura sat in her car watching the hungry eyes of people wanting to know what was going on; desperate for information, no matter how grim. She pushed a niggling feeling away: this was not the way she wanted to spend her afternoon. The bottle of wine had been abandoned on the kitchen counter. It would inevitably be too late to drink it when she got home. They had autopsies scheduled all weekend. Another one added to the list meant her assistant didn't have enough hours to complete all the work required of her. Her weekend plans with Jane were gone, a flitter that came and went as quickly as a speeding footballer.

Most days it didn't matter. Most days she could go home at midnight if the case load was particularly heavy, and it didn't matter. She could sit in the morgue all weekend slicing open lungs and kidneys, trying to ascertain the cause of death in two different cases. Most days.

It was not most days.

She held her left hand up in front of her. The simple cut silver ring, who's partner sat in its box at home, glistened in the afternoon sun. She twisted it around her skin. She should have left it at the house, like Jane did, but she couldn't bare to remove it. Their wedding was barely more than a memory she clung to. Two hours ago they were planning a night away. Now she sat waiting. Her desire to shout to the world that she had married her best friend was only stemmed by the knowledge that to tell one friend would risk upsetting the others.

She tugged the ring from her finger and closed it up in its box. She tucked the box away in her bag and climbed out of her car. She felt different. She was no longer just Doctor Maura Isles, mother and friend. The buzz of the crime scene pulled her out of her head and back into the reality of her work before she could finish her thought. With her bag in hand, she walked up to the police tape, waved her badge at the officer, and walked on through to the house.

x

"Did you get a demotion and not tell me?" Korsak asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jane ran a hand down her slacks and smoothed the creases in the fabric. "Don't ask. What have we got?"

"Mother of two," Korsak said, walking up the front path. "The nanny found her when she was bringing the kids home from school."

"Where are they now?"

"They're at the neighbours."

"Maura here?" Jane asked. Her whole face lit up. Then she remembered that their relationship was still a secret and she fought against her natural instinct.

She chewed on her lip to push away the obvious glee at the thought of her wife. Her wife. Korsak motioned towards the doorway. Jane took a couple of steps inside and lingered in the entrance hall. There she was. The half hour that passed from saying goodbye to her, dropping Toby at the babysitters, and arriving at the crime scene was thirty minutes too long.

"Doctor Isles," she said, by way of greeting. Her white dress had been hastily replaced with a pale blue one. Jane rested a hand on the small of her back as she knelt down beside the body. "Do you have a TOD?"

"I'll need to confirm it," Maura said, a knowing smile visible behind her professionalism. "But the n-nanny saw her a couple of hours ago and...rigor hasn't set it. She's not been dead long."

"Cause?"

"No visible sign of injury. I-I need to open her up."

"So it might not be murder?"

"No clear evidence to s-support that."

"Any sign of a disturbance?" Jane asked, standing up again.

"No forced entry," Korsak said. "The family have a CCTV system set up. Frankie's trying to get access. I'm heading back to BPD to chase up on the husband. He's navy. Supposed to be on a boat in the Atlantic. Will you stick around? Crime techs should be done soon."

"Sure."

"Sergeant Korsak," Ashley said, walking up to him. He turned away from the crime scene. Ashley smiled briefly at Jane. "I spoke to a neighbour from down the road. He said he saw a man, about six foot, exiting the property just over ninety minutes ago. He gave a full description. Thinks he'd be able to remember him if he saw him again."

"Thanks Officer," Korsak said, taking the notepad from her. "Good work. I'll see you both back at the station."

When Korsak walked away, Jane stepped forwards. She wasn't planning on talking to Ashley there and then, but she didn't expect her to be there. Before she could open her mouth, Ashley turned away.

"Ashley, I need to talk to you," she said, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Please don't." Ashley turned to face her. Jane lowered her hand. "I asked you for more time."

"I know." Jane tucked her hands behind her back. "It's important. I wanted to tell you the other day, now I really need to."

"I'm working."

"As your superior officer, I grant you permission to leave the crime scene for a few minutes and have a private conversation with your biological mother."

Ashley gritted her teeth. "Okay, fine. You can have five minutes."

x

Maura packed up her bag and signalled to the morgue technician that the body could be removed. She watched, with her hands tucked together in front of her and her head bowed, as the young woman was taken away. Murder or natural causes, it hit harder now that she was a mother. She thought about the two children, aged just five and nine, who had lost their mother that afternoon. They would not have her comfort, her support, her love, for the rest of their lives.

"You okay?" She turned. Frankie stood behind her, a sympathetic smile graced his face. "You don't normally cry at crime scenes.

She wiped at her cheek. "Honestly?"

"You can tell me anything," he said. He rested a hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been." She cleared her throat, wiped again at her cheeks, and straightened out her dress. "The p-polarisation of life is something that never...ceases to amaze me. It's painful, and yet it's beautiful. The s-same day filled with two very different emotions."

"That's big," he said, rubbing the top of her back. "You're not normally so reflective at work."

"I don't usually show it," Maura said. Her eyes followed the body bag out of the house. "I feel it every day. It's harder today. I wanted to pretend that the world isn't full of suffering, just for one day."

"There'll be other days."

"Not like today."

"What's so special about today?"

Maura sighed. The answer to Frankie's question was so simple, and yet so complicated. There was no time to discuss how they shared the news of their nuptials. She searched the room for Jane, for an answer to her internal query, but she'd already left.

"It doesn't matter, right now," Maura said. She retrieved her bag from the floor and carried it out to the car.

x

Jane exited the property and made her way up the path towards the road. She continued her way along the sidewalk until she reached her car. Enough distance separated them from the other officers, and crime scene techs, working the scene. She fought against the involuntary curl of her lips, momentarily, as she spoke.

"I only need a minute...I got married today."

Her eyes grew wide. Ashley stared at her. Her full attention on Jane as the words sunk in. A bout of nerves settled in the pit of Jane's stomach. The easier part was done.

"You," Ashley began. Her voice trailed off before she started again. "I didn't even know you were seeing anyone."

"No." Jane gave up trying to stop her face from lighting up. "It all happened very quick."

"Why?"

She braced herself for the words she longed to say, and yet which scared her. The bubble she was in was one she was reluctant to burst. The last few weeks meant so much to her. "Because I fell in love with my best friend."

"I thought your best friend was Maur...oh." Ashley's eyes grew wider. She stared into Jane's eyes, where she saw nothing but confirmation. "Oh!"

"I've been trying to find a way to tell you. It's not exactly a greeting. Hi, I'm really bad at being your mother, by the way it took me forty years to realise I'm not straight."

"I, I, I didn't know." Ashley turned away, her eyes diverted back to the crime scene continuing to unfold a few metres away.

"I didn't until last year," Jane said. She followed Ashley's line of sight.

"I have to go," she said.

Disappointment threatened to consume her. "Wait, Ashley."

"I really have to go," Ashley said, her eyes non-descript. "I'm supposed to be working."

"No. Stop." Jane placed a hand out to stop her. So many thoughts ran through her mind. She didn't know what to do with them all. Why was Ashley so quick to want to get away? "Talk to me. Do you have a problem with this?"

"Please." Ashley said, her eyes fixed on the ground. "Let me go."

"Why does it feel like you don't mean just now?" Jane asked. Her heart sunk. She searched the small crowd for Maura. She needed to see a friendly face. She needed to hold onto the feeling she'd had just a few minutes before.

Ashley shook her head. "Please. Jane. I can't talk to you right now."

"Ashley."

"No. I'm sorry," she said, before walking away.

* * *

 **Author Notes** **: Did you really think it'd be that simple? Sorry!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Author Notes** **: I'm terribly sorry it's taken me so long to get some more of this story to you. It's not been the easiest couple of months, not for any particular reason, I guess, but it's just been really hard on me. I've lost a lot of motivation for, well, everything. Then getting back into writing a story is always extra difficult! I'm finally back in it, though. I think this part of the story will probably be shorter than part one was. I anticipate there'll only be a couple more chapters left. We'll see what my muse comes up with! Hopefully I'll be able to get it all finished during my Christmas break from work.**

* * *

"Where were you?"

Jane glanced up from the folder on her desk. Maura pressed her lips together and waited. Jane's eyes trailed across her face, then back down to the folder.

"Did you finish the autopsy?" she asked.

"So you're…ignoring me?" Maura folded her arms across her chest.

"I asked you a question," Jane said, turning her attention back to Maura.

"I asked you o-one first," Maura said, the crease of her brow barely visible. "We agreed to meet at…home."

"Did you find out what caused her death?"

"Jane."

Maura focused on her. The diverted attention and separate conversation left her feeling anything but enthused. She sighed. The day had started out so well and now it had dissipated into another day at the office.

"The kids are staying at a hotel with the nanny. Husband should be arriving back soon."

"Jane," Maura said again, her tone crisp as she banged her fist down on the desk beside her. Jane sat back in her chair, her eyes drifted to the balled up fist still resting atop the desk. "Are you even going…to acknowledge that you d-didn't meet me?"

"I've been busy," Jane said.

"We were going to tell your mom."

"It can wait," Jane said, shrugging her shoulder and tossing the folder into a tray. She picked up another one and flicked through a couple of pages.

"We've been m-married for less than twenty-four hours, if you're going…to be closed up can you at least wait until w-we've been married a while?"

A flash of pain spread across Jane's face. Maura's shoulders sunk. She watched the pain disappear, replaced quickly with the hardened exterior she had become familiar with. The mask Jane wore.

"Talk to me."

"There's nothing to say," Jane said.

"Then can we go and share our h-happy news before all happiness is s-sapped out of you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"This morning we…were happy," Maura said, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. "Now you're b-behaving like we didn't get married today."

"Maybe we shouldn't have."

A lump settled uncomfortably at the back of Maura's throat. Tears welled up in her eyes. She cleared her throat and pawed at her cheeks. She wanted to go backwards just a few moments, to a time before Jane regretted marrying her. She turned, her cheeks caked with salty tears as she struggled to control her emotions.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered, her voice broken apart like the ache in Maura's chest. She felt Jane's arms wrap around her waist, her chin rest on her shoulder. She wanted to smile, to sink into Jane's arms, but her words still stung like a knife thrust into her stomach. "I didn't mean that."

"Then w-why did you…say it?" Maura asked, closing her eyes.

"I told Ashley before I came back here and she blew me off."

Maura sighed and turned into Jane's arms. She placed a hand against Jane's shoulder and pushed her back. She shook her head. "You can't t-treat me like that just…because Ashley hurt you."

"I'm sorry."

"You're always sorry."

"Please, Maur," Jane said, pawing at her own cheeks as tears floated down her face. "Marrying you was the best thing I have ever done. I don't regret it. Not for a second. I shouldn't speak before thinking."

"No, you shouldn't."

"Please forgive me."

She nodded. The briefest smile slipped across Jane's face and Maura felt herself soften. She stared into her overflowing eyes. Jane cupped her cheeks, her thumbs brushing away the last of her tears as Maura sunk into Jane's arms. She clung to her, squeezing that little bit tighter as she wrapped herself around Jane.

"Don't do that again."

"I'll try not to." Jane pulled Maura's hands up between them and squeezed her palms. "I'm sorry I didn't come home. Let's go tell Ma the good news."

x

Moving the pillows from the bed, Maura pulled back the covers and slipped in underneath them. She watched the door, waiting for Jane to return from...whatever it was Jane had decided she needed to do. A few moments later, Jane closed the door behind her, pulled off her shirt, slipped off her pants and threw herself onto the bed, pulling the sheets out from under her until her cold leg touched Maura's. She sighed. All through dinner Maura had waited for Jane to say something, anything about the tumultuous day. By definition, it was a rollercoaster only Jane barely acknowledged it.

"I'm surprised Angela t-took it so well," Maura said, picking up the medical journal she kept by her bed.

"Only cause you told her we'd have a big party before she had time to process," Jane said. "I'm glad everyone knows now."

Maura closed the journal and placed in on her knees. "I wish you were happier."

"I am happy," Jane said, though her tone and expression betrayed her. "Toby's snoring away."

"It's been a strange day."

"Yeah. It has."

"Can we talk about it?"

Jane shrugged. "What's there to talk about? We got married. My daughter hates me. Our friends love us. Let's sleep."

"We should be o-on top of the world r-right now."

"Who says?"

"I married my best friend," Maura said. "I f-feel like I'm the closest to you we will ever get. Our...vows, they mean something. I-I'll always mean what I said."

"Same."

"Then why do I feel l-like you're a-already pulling...away from me?"

Jane closed her eyes and shook her head. She wanted the bed sheets to swallow her whole and take her backwards to before they took the call after the wedding. If the case hadn't come through, then maybe none of this would have happened. Or maybe it would have merely delayed the inevitable.

"I don't know how to go back," Jane whispered, running her palm across her cheek, spreading a couple of tears across her skin.

"Go back to when?"

"To a time when my kid doesn't hate me and I can be happy."

"You can be happy," Maura said, shifting closer to Jane and wrapping her arms around her. "Hours ago w-we were walking in the clouds. If we can...just hold onto that."

"I can't," Jane said, slipping down further under the covers until her head rested on the pillow. She pushed her face into the fabric, her eyes still wet. "I can't fight for her anymore."

Maura slipped down beside her, lifting Jane's head up until she could shift herself in as close as possible. She wrapped her arms tightly around Jane's body, peppered kisses across her head, and stroked her hair.

"You don't have to, Jane," Maura said, cupping Jane's cheeks and placing a gentle kiss against her tears. "I will f-fight e-enough for both of us. That's what marriage is about. Okay?"

Nodding, Jane stared into Maura's eyes. Everything she ever wanted was right there in front of her. The most beautiful woman she had ever met, the only woman to ever steal her heart, and she was all hers. She closed the gap, hungrily grasping for bare skin as her lips melded with Maura's. A fire burned in the depth of her soul, a desire so strong that Jane didn't know whether it was love or something else entirely. Her lips trailed across Maura's chin, her fingers slipped down between her legs and she worked and worked until Maura screamed against into her ear and fell against her, gasping for breath. The fluttering of her eyes, a look of pure ecstasy danced across her pupils.

"So tired," Maura whispered. "But I need to love you."

"You can love me tomorrow," Jane replied, the absence of emotion flittering through the air as Maura fell into an induced slumber. Jane kissed her lips one final time before turning over and staring out across the darkened room.

x

"Come to Nona, Toby," Angela said, scooping him up in her arms and flying him through the air before resting him against her shoulder. "What time will you be finished at work?"

"About seven," Maura said. "Thank you for looking a-after him."

"It's my pleasure," she said. "It's about time, now I know he's officially my grandson."

Maura smiled. "He's always been your grands-son, Angela. You're like a…mother to me."

With a squeeze of Maura's arm, Angela leant forwards and kissed her on the cheek. "Do you have time to have a word with my other grandchild?"

Maura turned around, following Angela's line of sight towards the young officer sat in the corner of the bar. She nodded, kissed Toby goodbye and slid into the booth opposite Ashley.

"I've not seen you at BPD this week," she said.

"Oh, Maura." Ashley looked up. "No. I've been laying low."

Maura pursed her lips. "Avoiding Jane."

"No. Not exactly."

"Avoiding both of us," she said.

Ashley shook her head. "I don't have a problem with you being together."

"Right." The attempt to keep her words toneless was thwarted by the expression on her face.

"I don't," Ashley said. "I'm sorry I reacted the way did. I've had a lot on."

Maura smiled. "You can talk to us, you know. I know we h-haven't known each other for long, but we-we care about you."

"I'm sorry." Ashley closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. The distraction didn't stop Maura from noticing the light glistening against the tears below her eyes.

"Please, Ashley, talk to me."

She took a long deep breath in and then out. "I spoke to my brother about the day my mom died. He thinks she took a bottle of benzodiazepine. He hid the empty bottle from the cops before they showed up."

"Oh, Ashley." Maura reached out her hand and cupped Ashley's, she gave it a gentle squeeze.

"My mom found him in the garage with his friend Ted, they were having sex. He's married, he's got children, and he was sleeping with his friend. He only told me cause his wife found out a couple weeks ago."

Her eyes bugged. Then understanding set in. "So when Jane told you we g-got married..."

"There's just too much stuff. I need to not have to think about it, for five minutes." She downed her drink and stood up. "Tell Jane I'm sorry. But now just isn't a good time for any of this."

x

"What the hell happened here?" Jane asked, snapping on a pair of gloves as she stalked across the courtyard. "The report said four officers were involved."

Korsak nodded. "We need to be thorough. Mistakes were made. From what we understand an officer shot too early, the suspect fired back and two officers were hit. The other two fired everything they had into the suspect. He's dead."

"What about the officers? Who got hit?"

"Officer Grady has a gunshot wound to his leg, he's on his way to Mass Gen. Officer Walker got hit in the stomach."

Jane felt the words knock her backwards. She stepped back, her lips tingled with the desire to vomit. She attempted to maintain her composure long enough to confirm what she'd just heard. "Ashley?"

Korsak nodded. "She was airlifted out of here. As far as I know she's in surgery."

"How did this happen?" she asked, stepping into the room where the shooting happened.

"They said it was Officer Walker who made the first shot."

Jane reached out to the wall. Her legs had given up the ability to function fully. She choked on her own breath and coughed repeatedly until great gasps escaped her lips. Tears strolled down her face.

"Jane?"

"She's my daughter," she sobbed, placing both hands against the wall as she lowered herself into a crouching position.

"She…what?" Korsak asked, placing a hand against her shoulder.

"My kid," she whispered, struggling to catch her breath. "She's my kid."

"Alright," Korsak said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and helping her back up to her feet. "You are one for surprises this week. Let's get you out of here."

* * *

 **Author Note** **: Well I hope that was at least worth the wait...not exactly how I was hoping the story was going to go, but it's what has happened! I swear these things write themselves.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author Note : Thanks for the lovely comments on the last chapter. I'm glad to say I am back into the swing of things so hopefully it's all downhill from here to the end. I am usually a little busy over Christmas with family things, but there should also be time to write and get chapters up. If I don't post before, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas/festive season.**

* * *

The hospital room beeped and rumbled with every distant sound. Memories of the days she spent by Maura's bedside after Toby was born flooded Jane's brain, shrouding her in a cloud of suffocating thoughts. She scrunched her eyes tightly closed and refocused on each slow and gentle breath. Hours had passed since Korsak had dropped her off, stopping only to make sure Ashley was stable before he returned to the police department. The evening sun had set, cloaking the hospital room in darkness for the brief half hour before the nurse returned to check on them.

"She's my step-daughter."

Jane's ears caught Maura's voice in the corridor. Her heart thrummed against her rib cage. She wiped saliva from her chin, rubbed her tired eyes, and tried to wake up from the brief slumber she'd fallen into.

"She's my wife, let her through," Jane said, exiting the room.

"There you are," Maura said, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Jane. The nurse shrugged and walked away. "Did they tell you...how she is?"

"The bullet missed her vital organs," Jane said, returning to the room with Maura on her heel, pushing Toby in his stroller. "She's still serious."

She sat back down at Ashley's bedside and wrapped both hands around Ashley's fingers. Maura pulled her chart off the end of the bed and scanned the details. Jane lifted Ashley's hand up and kissed it, before placing it back against the bed and swiping at a couple of tears.

"Toby's missing his Mama," Maura said, returning the chart and lifting Toby out of the stroller before placing him on Jane's lap.

Jane ran a hand across Toby's cheek and planted a soft kiss upon his nose. "I'm sorry little buddy, but I need to stay here and be with your sister."

"No, Mama," he said, reaching out with both hands, his eyes filled with tears. Jane wrapped her arms around him and held him close.

"Mama will always be here for you, I promise." She kissed his head, and rocked him back and forth.

An alarm filled the room. The heart monitor screeching out for attention. Jane stood up, placing Toby on the floor as she took a step back from the bed. She could feel her heart racing in her chest, each breath that much harder to take as she watched as doctors and nurses ran into the room. Maura scooped Toby up and pushed the stroller out into the corridor. Jane hovered by the doorway, quickly pushed aside as the team worked hard, shouting orders and doing everything they could to bring Ashley's heart rate back under control. When they shocked her the first time, Jane's heart felt like it was going to crumble inside her chest. The second shock and she ran from the room, barely acknowledging Maura as she ran out into the evening.

x

Maura pulled the car into the batting cage parking lot and stood by the fence. Jane smacked a baseball, reset the machine, and went again. Maura forged a smile as she walked up to Jane.

"You ran out of there pretty fast," Maura said, her words deafened by the almighty smack of anther baseball against the bat.

"Yeah," Jane said, her voice level and emotionless.

"You can't run from this."

"Don't wanna," Jane said, repositioning herself in preparation for another ball heading her way.

"Really?" Maura asked. "It looks like y-you are."

"If she's dead, just tell me, then I'll know." Jane gripped the bat tighter, her eyes never leaving the machine.

"She's not dead, Jane," Maura said. "She had a pneumothorax - a collapsed lung - it put undue p-pressure on her heart and that's why she coded. They t-think she'll be okay."

The ball span out of the machine, hurtling towards Jane at great speed. She turned to Maura, her eyes filled with tears. When the ball hit her on the arm, Jane dropped the bat, stamped her foot on the ground and screamed out several curse words.

"Are you okay?" Maura asked.

"Fucking fine," Jane snapped. She wiped her cheeks. "You sure she's okay?"

"I don't think she's out of the woods, but I trust that the surgeon knows what she's doing," Maura said, stepping closer. She re-assessed the risk of repeat injury from the machine and tugged Jane's arm. Out of the clear line of the ball, Maura wrapped Jane up in her arms. "Don't lock...me out of this."

"I really thought she was going to die," Jane said, her voice weak and laced with tears. She clung to Maura and pushed her face against her shoulder, sobbing against the crook of her neck. "I went through it with you, I can't do it with her too. I've wasted so long, I can't lose her now."

"They're doing everything th-they can to make sure that doesn't happen." Maura pulled out of the embrace and ran a hand along the side of Jane's cheek, brushing her tears away with her thumb. "They...can't promise anything, b-but they're doing everything they can. Now we j-just have to wait and see."

Jane nodded. She attempted to refocus her breathing, but the weight of her child's medical situation sat heavily upon on it.

"I know it's not a good time," Maura said, running a hand down Jane's arm. "B-but J-Jack is coming into town tomorrow, to see Toby."

"Fucking fantastic time," Jane said, kicking the ground with the toes of her boot. She slammed her foot against the ground several times. She turned around and slammed her fist into the metal rungs of the fence.

"Jane, come on." Maura reached out, but Jane shrugged her off. "He's still his father. He barely sees him a-as it is.

"I know." She sighed. Knowing he was Toby's father and seeing him be one were two very different things and Jane didn't know she could handle either at that moment. She shrugged. "Are you going to tell him about us?"

"I don't see why I shouldn't."

"I'm his mom, Maura, you should have told me."

"I am telling you. Jack called me earlier. It's a l-last minute trip. This is the...first chance I had to tell you."

"I can't deal with this right now," she said, balling her hands up tightly.

Maura picked up the baseball bat Jane had discarded. "Let's play with some balls!"

Jane opened her mouth. The desire to laugh taking over as she doubled over. She leant against the fence, unable to control the contraction of her stomach.

"What's so funny?" Maura asked, her face so still and confused.

"It's 'let's play ball', Maura," Jane said. "You made it sound like a porno."

"Well, I didn't know," Maura said, her face as still as ever. Jane raised an eyebrow and Maura allowed her lips to curve as she joined Jane in her laughter. After a moment the need to laugh died down. Maura reached the bat out the Jane. "Show me how to hit?"

"Okay," Jane said, placing a hand on Maura's hip and guiding her across to the right position.

Once in place, Jane took a step back. A ball came flying from the machine, Maura swung the bat and missed. On the second attempt she barely hit the ball, it fell down in front of her but Maura threw the bat down anyway, a massive smile on her face.

"I did it!" she shouted.

"Kind of," Jane said. Picking up the bat, she wrapped both arms around Maura and together they swung the bat, sending the ball flying. "That's how it's done."

x

The house was dark when Maura got home. She dropped her purse on the floor by the door and made a beeline for the kitchen. She opened up a bottle of white wine and poured herself a glass. Then sat down at the counter and sipped on the cool liquid.

"You're home," Angela said, entering the room. "Toby's asleep. How's Ashley?"

"She's stable."

"Good, that's good." Angela slipped into the seat beside Maura and stared at her. "How's Jane?"

"As well as can be expected."

"She falling apart?"

"She's falling apart."

"I wish I'd raised her with more resilience."

"I think she underestimates her r-resilience," Maura said, swirling the wine about in her glass. "She's too scared…of what hasn't happened, she's t-too busy worrying about that instead of recognising what is g-going on."

"Is she staying up at the hospital?"

Maura nodded then lowered her head. "I don't know how to help her."

Resting a hand on Maura's shoulder, Angela smiled. "You being there is enough, I know it is. When you were in there all she wanted to do was be with you. It's all she's ever wanted to do."

"I feel so helpless," Maura said, pouring herself another glass of wine. "I'm so used to the dead, I d-don't always know how to…be around living patients. When Jane was in hospital, I was t-there because it's Jane. I know Ashley is im-important, I know that her being well matters to…Jane more than anything else right now. But I b-barely know her. I want to, I think we have a lot in common, I j-just don't know how to feel the way Jane is feeling."

"Nobody expects you to feel that way, Maura. She's not your daughter."

"Toby's not Jane's, not biologically, and y-yet she loves him like he's the only person in the world that m-matters."

"None of us know Ashley very well," Angela said. "You can't expect a bond to form with her overnight. It'll take time."

"I spend enough time in hospital conditions." Maura shook her head. "I spent enough…time after Toby was born. I d-don't want to spend the n-night there."

"You don't have to."

"What about Jane?"

"What about her?" Angela wrapped an arm around Maura's shoulder and pulled her close. "Someone has to look after Toby. You can't both sleep in chairs and expect to be okay to look after your son. Right now Ashley is Jane's priority. It's okay for Toby to be yours."

"It doesn't feel okay," said Maura, her heart broke at the thought of leaving Jane to look after herself as well as Ashley. After everything she did for her when she was in hospital, it was only right that she repay her with the same level of support and love.

"If I go up to the hospital to be with Jane, you can take over again in the morning, after you've had a rest. Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes, Angela, it would." She wiped a couple of stray tears from her cheeks. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Angela kissed her cheek. "We're family Maura, all you have to do is ask for help and I'll be there. Okay?"

"Okay." Maura nodded.

"I love you, I love you all, so go get some rest." Angela stood up, took Maura's glass of wine away and motioned towards the staircase. "I'll call you if she needs you."

"Thank you," Maura said, before heading up to bed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author Note** **: I managed to get another chapter up before Christmas! (Unless you're in Australia, then it's already Christmas.) I will almost certainly not be posting for a few days because I am always extremely busy on Christmas Day and this year definitely busy on Boxing Day too (that's December 26th to anyone who doesn't know, I think it's a UK thing). I hope you all have a great festive season and enjoy yourselves.**

* * *

The next morning Jane woke up to a pain in her neck. She ran her fingers across the uncomfortable tightness and brushed saliva from the corner of her mouth. She lifted her hands up to the ceiling and stretched her whole upper body, the pain in her neck barely subsided as she realised she'd been sleeping against the edge of the hospital bed.

"That was not a smart move," she mumbled.

"Jane."

She looked up at Ashley, her eyes open, staring back at her. For a moment she'd forgotten why she was there, before full consciousness set in. Her lips curved at the edges.

"You're awake," she said.

"How long have you been here?" Ashley asked.

"Since you arrived," she said, placing a hand over Ashley's and squeezing gently. "How are you feeling?"

Her brow furrowed. She ignored Jane's question. "Why?"

"Why?" Jane frowned. "Because you're my kid and I love you."

"You…really?" Ashley didn't take her eyes off Jane, carefully analysing her expression for some sign of whether she was telling the truth.

"Yeah." Jane wrapped her other hand around Ashley's fingers and lifted her hand a little from the bed. "Pretty crappy that it took you being shot for me to realise, but there it is. It doesn't really matter though, if you hate me."

Ashley shook her head, a small smile crept onto her lips. "I don't hate you."

"Maura is the best thing that ever happened to me." Ashley's smile faltered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to come out the way it sounded. What I mean is, if Maura hadn't been part of my life the way she has been, then I don't think we'd have gotten past the first day. She brought me back to you. I _want_ to be your mom."

"I can't handle it anymore," Ashley whispered. She retrieved her hand, closed her eyes and covered them with her fingers. Her shoulders shook.

"Can't handle what?" Jane stood up and reached out to Ashley's shoulder, steadying it slightly. "You can talk to me. What the hell happened at that scene?"

"I'm so scared I'm gonna end up like her." Ashley dropped her hand and stared through tears at Jane. "I can't handle how I've been feeling."

"End up like who?"

"My mom." Ashley turned her head away. She wiped a couple of tears from her cheek. "You, I guess. I know I don't know you very well, but I see so much of my adopted mother in you; you're both high strung, so passionate about work and family. My adopted mom dropped so fast. I don't know if I could handle if anything like that happened to you."

"Nothing like that's gonna to happen to me," Jane said, moving her hand across to Ashley's cheek.

"You can't promise that. I saw you, you remind me so much of her. She used to get so depressed."

"I'm not depressed."

"But you get depressed."

"I…" Jane nodded. "I guess you're right. I sink for a while, but I have good people around me. I never sink for long."

"I grew up with a mother who had depression, Jane. I thought, because I was adopted, that I might be able to escape it. But when I see you, when I see how quickly you look as sad and lost as my mom; I think that I could so easily end up that way."

"I won't let that happen." She lifted her other hand up to cup her other cheek.

"I took a risk."

"At the scene?" Ashley nodded. Jane didn't want to put her cop hat on, but she couldn't help it. "Tell me what happened."

"I recognised him. He was one of the neighbours of the woman who was murdered. I thought I could just hold him there; we were all pointing our guns at him. I _wanted_ to shoot at him. Maybe if I shot first he'd shoot back and I could just…disappear."

"Disappear?" Jane's heart sunk. Everything she felt about her daughter flooded her. She wanted to walk out and hit some baseballs, or a pillow, anything to help get herself back to a place where she didn't feel like a complete failure. But there she was, stood in front of her daughter. She couldn't let her down now. She couldn't walk out even if she wanted to.

"I came here wanting something that was never possible. I wanted to start again. I wanted to meet my biological mother. I didn't expect to feel so…alone."

"No, Ashley, no," Jane said, kissing her forehead and brushing her hair back from her face. She stared into her eyes. "You are _not_ alone. If I made you feel alone, I am so sorry. But I'm here now. I won't go anywhere. I promise."

"The crazy thing is that when I was lay on the floor bleeding out, all I could think about was the fact I never got to tell you that I'm happy for you and Maura. She's a wonderful person."

Tears filled Jane's eyes. She chewed on the inside of her lip, anything to distract her from her need to fall apart. "She is."

"I guess this makes Toby my little brother, or something."

"He _is_ your little brother," Jane said.

"I feel like I don't even know, I don't remember, what he looks like. All I wanted to do while I waited to die was to see him. To hope for something better than what I have right now."

"Here," Jane said, breaking contact for the first time as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and scrolled through her photographs before handing the phone across to Ashley. "Here he is. Our little boy."

"He's beautiful."

"Yeah, he is." Jane smiled. "No thanks to me!"

"I want to properly meet the kid that made you think you could do this, just a little bit."

Jane pushed her hair back again. "Oh baby, I am here. I won't be going anywhere. Not ever again. Do you hear me? You are part of our lives now. I promise you that."

"Even if I stop being a cop?"

"You can do anything you want to do. If you want to be a cop, great. If you don't, then that's your decision."

"I don't want to disappoint you," Ashley said. "I know how much being a cop means to you."

"To _me_ , Ashley." Jane cleared her throat and brushed a stray tear away. "It means a lot for _me_ to be a cop. If I thought about it, I wouldn't really want that life for you. It's great when things are going well, but there are so many horrible parts of being a police officer. Getting shot ain't so fun."

"You've been shot?"

"Many times."

"Really?"

"The worst was when I had to shoot myself."

"You shot yourself?!" Ashley asked, her eyes wide.

"It was the only way to stop him," Jane said. "He was on my back and Maura was there and he had a gun."

"How long ago was that?"

"A few years back. Back when I didn't realise I loved Maura as much as I know I do now. Looking back, I did it for her. Shot myself right about the same place as you got shot."

Ashley laughed. "Like mother, like daughter."

"I wish it wasn't, please don't do anything like that again."

"I won't, it hurts too much," Ashley said, scrunching her eyes up as she shifted her position on the bed.

"You're gonna be okay. You're a Rizzoli, we're made of strong stuff."

x

After a brief visit to the hospital to check on Ashley and Jane, Maura drove across town to a café where she had planned to meet Jack. She put Toby in his stroller and pushed him along the street towards the café.

"Maura, it's great to see you," Jack said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her on the cheek. She stepped back and picked Toby up, handing him over.

"Good morning, Jack," she said. "Toby's missed you."

He smiled, though it barely reached his eyes. "I'm not sure the little guy will remember me."

"He's only small."

"I know," Jack said. "I know it's my fault. I chose to stay away. I wish I could come visit more."

"We wouldn't stop y-you if you did."

"We?"

"Jane and I."

He frowned. "What's Jane got to do with anything? She's not his parent."

"She's my wife. She's been…there for Toby."

"She…wh…what?" He stared at her for a moment, his eyes bugged, his mouth hung open.

"Don't look so surprised," Maura said. "We've always been close."

"I just didn't realise you were _that_ close. I thought you, I didn't realise women were on the table."

"She told me she loved me b-before I came to…New Mexico."

"Why did you even come to New Mexico if you two were going to hook up?" he asked.

"That's irrelevant." Maura rolled her eyes. "How's Pauli?"

"We broke up."

"Oh."

"Allie's Mom is moving again," he said, speaking quickly before Maura could even jump in. "I'm going to go with them."

"Are you moving back?" she asked.

"No, erm," he stared down at his hands. "They… _we_ are going to China."

"China?"

"Yeah." He stirred a sugar into the coffee in front of him. "I don't _want_ to go. I don't want to leave Toby. But he's so young, he barely remembers me as it is. Maybe in a few years, when Allie's gone to college and Toby's older, I can come back. Be a proper dad to him."

"So that's why you came." Maura sighed. "Not…to see Toby but to t-tell me you're moving to C-China."

He shrugged. "I wanted to see my son, and I needed to tell you face to face."

The lack of consideration over the situation left Maura feeling a little bitter. Every emotion that had flooded her mind over the last few days tumbled into her head. She didn't want to feel frustrated or angry at Jack, but she couldn't help it. He had barely been a father to Toby as it was. Though she knew that was partly her fault for taking him back to Boston, it had been the right decision for herself and for Toby. Jack could have made more of an effort with his son and that was something she didn't have any control over.

"I want Jane to be g-given full parental r-rights over Toby," she said, the words tumbled from her lips before she could catch up with them. She'd been considering it all night, she just didn't plan to share it with Jack so soon.

"What?" He placed his coffee cup down on the table. "You can't take away my right to be his dad, Maura."

"That's not what I want to d-do," she said. "I want Jane t-to have the same rights as we have over his…care. If something happens to m-me, I want him to stay with Jane."

"That is not fair," Jack said, sitting forwards.

"Jane loves him. S-She's as much his mother as I am. I know it's…been hard with you living in New Mexico, b-but she's been more of a parent t-to him than you have. He…knows her, he loves her."

"She's not his mother," Jack said, gritting his teeth.

"I know it's not entirely your f-fault, we moved away and it's…been hard for you to see him. But she's been…more of a parent to him than y-you have. He knows her, he loves her."

"She's _not_ his mother."

" _Yes, she is_."

Jack threw his hand up as his side and shrugged his shoulders. "So what do you want me to do? Sign some paper saying Jane has more right to my son than I do?"

"No. I want Jane to b-be given as much right to make decisions a-about Toby's future as you or I. It's about…doing what's best for Toby."

He sat back in his chair. His hand wrapped around Toby's stomach. "Giving _my_ son to some woman I barely know if you die is doing what's best?"

"Yes, it is." Maura stared him down. "If I died, sending him t-thousands of miles to China to a man…he barely remembers is not doing what's…best for _our_ son."

"Why are you bringing this up now?"

"The situation changed," Maura said. "Our family has grown and I want to protect it."

"Who got you pregnant this time?"

Maura pursed her lips. "Nobody. That doesn't concern you."

"It concerns me if my son has people in his life who I don't know."

"He has a sister. That's all you need to know. It's…not been an easy few days. It's made me re-evaluate the s-situation with Jane and Toby. She's my wife n-now. Ashley, Jane's daughter, was hurt and it made me wonder what would h-happen if I was to be i-injured or killed. I spoke to a…lawyer this morning. He's going to write up…the paperwork giving Jane full parental rights. I-If you tell me the name of your lawyer…I can ask that they email over the paperwork to s-sign once you've read over it."

"Okay." He threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "Okay. I guess I can't ask you to be his sole carer without any support from me for the next few years without giving you something in return. I'll sign it."

"Thank you. I know Jane will appreciate it t-too." Maura smiled. "I'll leave you and...Toby to spend some time together."


	18. Chapter 18

**Author Note** **: Well that took me forever. Thank you to sweetkid45 for the kicks up the backside. It helps! I seem to have a lost a lot of motivation in recent months, for everything. It's not the best place to be in. I hope I can finish this story soon. It shouldn't take long, in theory. I hope you enjoy it all the same.**

* * *

Candles flickered in the centre of the table. Maura placed cutlery and side plates across from each other, along with two glasses and a bottle of wine. The pan boiled over, spilling water across the hob. Maura rushed across the kitchen, towel in hand, as she attempted to clean up the mess.

"What's cookin' good lookin'?" Jane asked, making Maura jump.

"When d-did you get home?" Maura placed the pan back on the hob, her spare hand rested across her chest.

"'bout twenty seconds ago. Sorry, I thought you'd have heard me."

"You look tired," Maura said, slipped her arms around Jane's waist and brushing her lips against Jane's.

"I'm fine."

Maura raised an eyebrow. She held Jane at arms length and stared into her eyes. "As you would say, fine my ass."

"I'll give you your ass," Jane said, trailing her hands down Maura's back until she cupped Maura's ass. She gave it a good squeeze and nibbled on Maura's bottom lip.

"We should eat." Maura stepped backwards and returned to the pan, which she drained and emptied some of its contents onto the plates.

"I don't wanna."

"You look exhausted," Maura said, carrying the plates to the table. "You can avoid eating after you've had a decent meal."

"Yes, Ma," Jane said. Maura sighed. She didn't want her looking after Jane to be seen as a motherly role, far from it, she was doing it because she loved her. The point was minor, however, so she brushed it aside and sat down opposite her wife.

"How is Ashley?"

"She's alright." Jane stabbed a green bean with a fork and placed it into her mouth. With her mouth still full, she continued. "She's awake."

"That's wonderful news," Maura said. "Did you get to talk with her?"

"A little."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did she tell you what happened?"

"She made a mistake," Jane said, pouring herself a glass of wine. "She's not sure she wants to be a cop anymore."

"Are you disappointed?"

"Nah," Jane said. "I'm relieved. How you and Ma must have felt every time I ended up shot or drowning or whatever, I don't know."

Maura smiled and rested her hand across Jane's. "It's natural to worry about your child."

"I just didn't realise I'd be this worried," Jane said, swallowing a mouthful. "It's different with Toby, he's too little to worry about the big things. You're so cautious with household items that he's never going to accidentally swallow bleach or eat a dishwasher tab. But Ashley's an adult. I can't stop her from eating bath salts if she wanted to."

"I doubt she's going to eat bath salts."

"Maybe not, but being a cop is like playing Russian Roulette with a murderer. There's always going to be twice as many bullets and half as many slots. If I had a choice, I don't want Ashley to be involved in that."

"Sometimes I wish you weren't involved in it, either," Maura said, placing her fork on the side of her plate. "If _I_ had a choice."

"Maybe I shouldn't be," Jane said, standing up and walking across the kitchen. She picked up the pan and carried it back to the table, where she scraped some more green beans onto her plate.

Maura's brow furrowed, but she stayed silent. She had questions, an awful lot of questions, but didn't quite know where to begin.

"All I've ever wanted since I was a kid was to be a cop." Jane forked a couple of green beans into her mouth and chewed, her words a little muffled as she spoke. "I always thought I'd die in the field, or at a desk once I got too old to chase suspects."

"What are you saying, Jane?" Maura asked, pouring herself a fresh glass of wine and taking a large sip.

"I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I don't know if the adrenaline rush is worth it anymore. I love being a cop, but it's not my only dream. Our family is way more important to me."

"What would you do instead?"

"I could stay home and look after Toby," Jane said, glancing around the room. "Where is Toby, anyway? His monitor's not on."

"He's with Jack."

Jane clutched her fork until her fingers turned white, her jaw ached from clenching it tightly. "Since when was Jack here?"

"He arrived today. Didn't I tell you he was coming?" Jane shook her head. "With Ashley being in hospital I must have forgotten."

"Why is he here?"

"Other than to see his son," Maura said.

"The son he hasn't seen in months. The son whose first birthday he completely ignored."

Maura tilted her head to the side. "I don't care if he's here for Toby. He has us. That's all he needs."

"Except he's still officially his father."

"He's agreed to sign legal documents stating you have parental rights," Maura said.

"He…what?" Jane placed the wine glass she'd been holding back onto the table. "Since when?"

"Since today. You're his Mama, Jane, it's only fair that the law recognises that. Jack, on the other hand, is moving to China and would rather not see Toby until he's able to commit more time to being a father."

"Did I fall asleep and miss a month, or something?"

Maura laughed. "I was equally surprised when he told me. I agreed he could spend as much time with Toby as he wanted on this trip, so Toby is staying with him in his hotel until Tuesday."

"I see," Jane said, raising an eyebrow and licking her bottom lip. Her eyes trailed across Maura's mouth, then down her neckline towards the cut of her dress.

"Eyes up here," Maura said, pointing to her face.

"Why?" Jane asked. "You're my wife, can't I look whenever I want?"

Maura smiled. "You can, and you may. I thought you'd be too tired to be thinking about that."

"Never too tired to think about you, Maur," she said, shuffling her chair round the edge of the table. Once she had gotten as close as possible, she slipped her hand under the table and wrapped her fingers around Maura's knee.

Maura closed her eyes as Jane's fingers trailed up along her thigh. She leant back in her chair, her own hands clutched the edge of the table as Jane brushed her thumb across her most sensitive spot.

"No," Maura said, slipped a hand around Jane's wrist and pulling her hand away. She interlinked their fingers and kissed Jane's knuckles. "Not here. We have the whole house to ourselves."

"Then why not here?" Jane asked, returning her hand to the warm space between Maura's thighs. Maura nodded her assent and she began the slow and gentle movement of her fingers.

x

Maura's hips dropped down, her whole body exhausted by the repeated dizzying heights she'd experienced over the last few hours. Her whole body tingled with the after effects of her orgasm. She felt like a dead weight against Jane's breast, her ear rested against Jane's chest, where she could hear the rhythmic beating of her heart. She lifted her face, her chin placed between her breasts as she stared up into Jane's face. It was only then that she realised she was asleep. The rhythm was even and relaxed, her mouth parted just enough for a gentle gust of air to escape as she breathed. Maura rested a hand on the couch either side of Jane's body and pulled herself up. The exhaustion took over as she dropped back down a few inches further along the couch. She nuzzled her face into the crook of Jane's neck and wrapped her arm around her waist. She pulled a blanket over their bodies and closed her eyes again. She hoped the evening's activities would give Jane the night's sleep she needed. The lack of sleep she'd exhibited since Ashley was shot had worried her, but there was little she could do besides suggesting a prescription for sleeping pills and making her hot milk before bed.

When she woke again, she was alone. The warmth of Jane's skin no longer beneath her as she wrapped her arms around a pillow. She wiped at a small amount of drool on her chin and glanced around the room. The bare buttocks of Jane Rizzoli were visible across the room. Maura's lips curved at the edges.

"Morning," she croaked, running a hand through what she expected to be as much of a mess as Jane's own untamed hair.

"Finally," Jane said, filling a second mug with coffee and carrying it across from the kitchen. Maura watched her as she moved, her hips swayed naturally and her breasts, despite being in the smaller side of the scale, jiggled a little. She handed Maura the mug and sat down beside her.

"Thank you."

"I like this being alone thing," Jane said. "I like being naked with you."

"You can be naked with me any time you like," Maura said.

"Except when Ma is hovering, or Ashley comes to stay, or Toby is here," Jane said, running a hand through her hair and leaning back against the couch.

"It's a good job your mother found somewhere else to live," Maura said. "Maybe we need to make use of her babysitting skills more often."

"Would you mind if Ashley moved in?"

Maura's eyes grew wide, then narrowed. "Why would I?"

"I promise it won't be forever," Jane said. "I think she'll need some help while she gets back on her feet. She might say no but I thought the guesthouse would be a good place to recuperate. She'll have just enough independence that we won't be in each other's pockets, but she'll be close enough that we can feed her and do her laundry."

"You don't need to sell it to me, Jane," Maura said, sipping her coffee. "She's your daughter. She's welcome to live in the spare room if that would make you happy."

"It wouldn't," Jane said. "I need her to not hear her mother having sex."

Maura laughed. "It can't be worse than the time we were having the guesthouse fumigated and your mother and Lieutenant Cavanaugh were in the spare room."

"They were what?" Jane asked.

"Oh, I forgot you weren't here."

"They had sex in your spare room?"

"I can't be one hundred per cent certain, but given the noise level and the increase in breathing, I would expect my hypothesis to be correct."

"Your hypothesis?" Jane asked. "I don't give a damn about your hypothesis. Why would you tell me that?"

"I forgot that we weren't together then."

"You forgot? You're a walking Encyclopaedia, how can you forget?"

"Maybe I don't like to remember a time before we were together."

"Moving swiftly on," Jane said, gritting her teeth. She placed her coffee mug on the table and took Maura's from her hands and placed it beside her own. Then she wrapped her arms around Maura's shoulders and closed the gap between their mouths.

"Distraction tactics," Maura said, in between kisses. "Nicely done."

"Thank you," Jane said, her tongue cutting her off before she could say anything more. She pushed Maura back down onto the couch, her thigh between Maura's as she moved above her. "Now to make the most of our time alone."

* * *

 **Author Notes : As I said I'm hoping to wrap this story up soon, is there anything you'd like to see happen before it's over?!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Author Notes : Thank you everyone for your patience. I know it's taking forever between updates. I hope you enjoy this extra long chapter. I *think* the next chapter is the final chapter for this installment. I don't know if anyone would be interested in a part 3...I have a couple of ideas hanging around.**

* * *

Her feet pounded the concrete as she sped along the sidewalk. Her lungs heaved against her chest, fighting for an exit. Jane scanned the path ahead. Her focus maintained on the shadow running through the dark night. Then they disappeared. She sped faster. Her legs ached. She darted round the corner. The figure disappeared around. She stopped. Her hands on her thighs as she tried to regain her breath. Her eyes still scanning the horizon. A flash. Movement. Her legs started up again. Her lungs screamed at her to stop. A layer of sweat covered her whole body. She kept going. She lunged at a wire fence. Her muscles burned as she pulled herself up and over. She landed with a thud. The darkness consumed him. Then something clattered against the concrete alley way. Jane continued her pursuit. His shadowy form was just a few feet away. She sprinted forwards. Her whole body moving closer. But no matter how hard she pushed herself, she couldn't reach him. Inches away. Centimetres away. Still not close enough.

She stumbled. Her back landed abruptly on the floor. She opened her eyes. The bedsheets were wrapped around her legs, suspended over the edge of the bed. Maura flicked on the lamp. Her face peered over the edge of the bed at Jane. Her heart rate slowed. A layer of sweat still coated her body.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Jane said, pushing the fabric ties from her ankles and freeing herself. She stood up and tucked herself back beside Maura.

"Didn't look or sound like nothing," Maura said.

"It was," Jane said, resting her head on her pillow. Maura reached an arm around Jane's stomach and rested her face against her torso. Jane lifted her arm around her shoulder and pulled her in close.

"You don't need to pretend with me, Jane."

She sighed. "Just a bad dream."

"Ashley's coming out of hospital tomorrow, s-she's okay," Maura said, sitting up. She lifted her leg across Jane's body and leant forwards. Their lips were inches apart. "She's okay."

"It wasn't about Ashley."

"No?"

"I don't think."

Maura cupped Jane's cheek, and trailed her fingers across the side of her face. "You're both safe."

"I know," Jane said, wrapping her hands around Maura's back and pulling her in closer. Their lips merged. Jane's fingers fought against the material holding Maura's body away. Maura pushed their lips apart and untangled Jane's fingers, before she wrapped her arms around the bottom of her shirt. She pulled it away and tossed it across the room. She rolled onto her back, tugging Jane with her by the edges of her own shirt. She slid her fingers beneath the fabric and removed it, tossing it across the room to join her own.

"I'm glad Toby's with Jack until the morning," Maura whispered.

"Me too," said Jane.

x

"Easy does it," Jane said, lowering Ashley down onto the couch before loosening her grip on her upper arm. She slunk into the space beside her.

"You look tired. I'm the one who went through emergency surgery and has been in the hospital," Ashley said, resting her head against the back of the couch.

"I'm fine."

"Fine-fine or Jane fine?"

Jane raised an eyebrow. In all the years she'd known certain people in her life they hadn't grasped the concept of what she meant when she said she was okay. Ashley understanding it quickly hit her hard, like she'd just been bowled over by a massive dog she loved dearly. Her lips curved as she looked across at her daughter.

"Jane fine." She cleared her throat then raised an eyebrow "I'm okay. You got me worried."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's my job. You're a rookie and I'm a detective, it's how it goes." The disappointment that spread across Ashley's face made Jane crack a smile. "I'm your mom, I'm supposed to worry."

Ashley smiled. "I'm still sorry."

"Me too, kid," Jane said, patting Ashley's knee and allowing her hand to rest there for a moment. "I should have taken better care of you."

"It's not _your_ fault."

"I'm not blameless."

"I should have talked to someone instead of doing what I thought was best."

Jane reached an arm across Ashley's shoulders and rested her head against her. "Looks like you inherited my act then think flaw."

"Can I sleep on the couch?" Ashley asked. "I don't think I can handle the stairs."

"Don't worry about stairs, you can stay in the guest house. We don't want to cramp your style, but we do want to be here if you need us."

"Thank you, Jane," she said. "That's perfect."

"Who wants some tea?" Maura asked, carrying Toby across to the couch and placing him on Jane's lap. "I, I hope I'm not disturbing."

"Not at all," Ashley said. "Do you have herbal tea?"

"I have herbal, chamomile, and a s-selection of fruit teas. I asked at the station, they said your favourite was peach with a hint…of fresh lemon."

The creases at the corners of Ashley's eyes made Maura smile. "That would be lovely."

"I was wrong," Jane said, shaking her head. "You inherited nothing from me. Tea. Really?"

"I think that one comes down to nurture," Ashley said, with a chuckle.

"Two peach teas with fresh lemon and coffee with a triple shot of caffeine," Maura said. She raised an eyebrow at Jane. Jane rolled her eyes "A mug of instant it is."

"Thank you."

Placing the mugs on the coffee table, Maura sat down beside Jane and Ashley. Toby clambered off Jane's knee and stumbled along the edge of the table, carefully navigating the corner as he moved towards her. When he got closer he stared at her, reaching out momentarily before grasping the table once more for balance. Maura scooped him up and rested him on her lap.

"Nearly," she said, rocking her knees as he bounced about, fully of giggles.

There was a loud knock at the door. Maura stopped her legs and moved to pick Toby up.

"I'll go," Jane said, standing up and walking out of the room.

"How are you feeling?" Maura asked.

Ashley placed her tea down on the table. "Sore."

"It will take time, but I'm sure you'll recover in no time."

"I hope so," she said. "The pain is unbearable at times."

"Wait, you can't just barge in here. Who are you?" Jane shouted.

"Ashley!"

She turned quickly, the sound of a man's voice pulled her from her conversation. The sudden action made her shout out in pain.

"Are you okay?" Maura asked, placing Toby on the floor and moving across to Ashley's side. "Did you tear your stitches?"

"I don't think so," she whispered, lifting her shirt.

"You know him?" Jane stood beside the couch.

"Who are these people, Ash?" the man asked, moving to her other side. "What the hell happened?"

"I got shot," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"You sent me an SMS saying 'got shot, I'm ok', why wouldn't I come?"

"I'm fine." She wrapped her arms across her stomach and winced with every tiny movement. The man perched on the edge of the coffee table. "This is Sean, my brother. This is Jane and Maura."

"Jane, like, your birth mom?"

"Yeah," Jane said, stepping closer. She folded her arms across her chest. "I'm her birth mom."

"I thought you weren't going to do this," he said, leaning close enough to whisper. "I thought we were all that mattered."

She glanced down at her hands in her lap. "Things change. You knew I was coming here. You knew I might meet her."

"Why didn't you call me when she got shot?" he asked, sitting back and looking to Jane. "I had a right to know."

"We were going to," Maura said, reaching a hand out to stop Toby from crawling off. "Then Ashley woke up and said she'd contact you herself."

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm J," Maura began, but Ashley cut her off.

"She's the Chief Medical Examiner, she's a friend. She's kind enough to let me stay here."

Maura's eyebrows creased, as did Jane's. Their eyes connected over Ashley and Sean's heads. Toby squawked beside her. She reached out and lifted him back onto her knee.

"I just boiled some water. Would you care for a beverage?" Maura asked, putting on her best smile as she stood up. She lifted Toby onto her hip and carried him across the room to his playpen. She placed him inside.

"No thanks, I came to bring Ashley home."

"I'm not going with you, Sean," she said. "I'm staying in Boston."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Okay," he said, standing up. "I'll book us a hotel room."

"I'm staying with Jane and Maura."

"You're welcome to s-stay tonight," Maura said. "If you'd like to."

"No, thank you," he said.

"How about staying for dinner?"

"I came to see my sister."

"It's nearly lunch time. I could m-make sandwiches."

He stepped away from the couch. His arms folded across his chest. Jane watched his movement.

"I'd rather bring Ashley home."

"Come on, Sean, just stay for lunch," she said. "I'm not going home with you."

"Okay," he said. "If that's what you really want."

"It is."

"I'll have a water. I don't eat gluten or dairy, so I can't have sandwiches."

"How about I whip us up a Cobb salad? Minus the cheese and egg." He nodded and Maura opened the fridge.

Sean retracted and sat down beside Ashley. Jane followed Maura into the kitchen and poured a glass of water.

"I don't like him," Jane said.

"He's protective of Ashley," Maura said.

"Too protective." Jane spilled water out of the glass. She placed it on the counter and wiped down the surface. "I want him out of here."

"You can't throw him out, Jane. He's Ashley's brother. He's family."

"Barely. He's adopted. She's blood."

"Using your own logic, Toby is barely your family."

She sighed. "I still don't like him."

"Play nice. Hopefully he won't stay long."

On her way back to the couch, Toby called out from his playpen. She placed the water in front of Sean and retrieved Toby. She carried him across to the table and sat down in the chair opposite Sean.

"Ashley said you were adopted too," Jane said, lifting Toby onto her lap.

"That's right," he said. His lips pursed and his eyebrows creased as he glanced at Ashley.

"It's nice that you're so close."

"Yeah, it is."

"Have you lived in Massachusetts long?"

"A few years."

"What is it you do?"

"I'm training to be a Minister."

"Since when?" Ashley asked.

"Since the summer."

"Catholic?"

"Wesleyan."

A silence fell across the room. The sound of Maura's knife on the chopping board collided with Toby's babbling.

"Is he yours?" Sean asked.

"He is. Mine and Maura's."

Sean's body tensed. He sat a little taller.

"Salad's ready," Maura said. She placed it on the table and carried a pile of plates across the room.

"I don't," Sean began as he stood up, but Ashley cut him off.

"Please don't." She carefully moved to her feet. "Just join us for lunch and then you can go."

"But," he tried again.

"Don't. For me."

He closed his eyes and nodded. They walked across the room. Jane placed Toby into his high chair. She rested a hand on Maura's shoulder.

"Thank you for lunch," Jane said and briefly brushed their lips together.

"I can't do this," Sean said, stepping back. His voice raised. "How can you stay here with these people, Ash?"

"They're family."

" _I'm_ family."

"Jane and Maura are my family too. Toby's my brother."

"He's the product of sin."

"Excuse me?" Jane asked, her mouth open as she stared at him.

"You're together, right? In a homosexual relationship?"

Jane stood upright. She folded her arms across her chest and moved a little closer to Sean.

"Yes. We are."

"We're going. Ashley, get your things."

"No." Jane stared him in the eye. "Ashley will do what Ashley wants to do. If you've got a problem with me being gay you can take it up with God."

"I will not allow her to stay with people like you. Be homosexual if you want to. But committing sin of this proportion is wrong. I will not let you behave in such a way with my sister living under your roof."

"She's not living under our roof. She's in the guest house."

He clenched his fist. His temple throbbed as he stared at Jane. Her face deadpan.

"This is not okay."

"Says you?"

"Says God."

"We're not doing anything wrong so take your bigoted views and stick them up your," Jane paused, Toby's noises pulled her from her out and out rage. "A.S.S."

"Jane, leave it," Maura said, reaching out to her arm.

"No, Maura," Jane said. "He can't speak to us like that. Not when he's a bigoted as…A.S.S.H.O.L.E."

"I'm not the one committing sin," he said.

"Jane's right," Ashley said.

All eyes turned to Ashley. She clung to the back of the dining chair, maintaining her balance as she struggled to stay upright for any period of time.

"You _chose_ to become more religious. You _chose_ to marry someone who has those views. When you were in high school your best friend came out as gay as you supported him. Fast forward ten years and your all holier than thou attitude is not the attitude of my brother. You can't speak to my mother like that."

"Come on Ash, don't be so ridiculous," he said, wrapping his hand around her upper arm. "She's not even your mother. She gave you away. Let's go."

"Get your hand off me," she snapped, pulling her arm away. The sudden jerk made her wince in pain. She lowered her arm and clutched the chair again. "If you don't accept that my _mother_ has a wife, then you can go. I don't want to see you again."

"Come on Ash, I'm your brother."

"You were my brother. Now I don't know who you are. But you're not him."

"I've not changed."

"Yes, you have. Now get out before I make Jane throw you out."

He stood upright, his arms across his chest. He turned to Jane and puffed himself up. "Fine, if you really want to throw me out. Do it."

Jane's lips curved at the edges. He stood a few inches taller, and his muscles were larger than Jane's. But she'd fought bigger demons.

"Ashley?" she asked, checking it was what she really wanted.

"Please make him leave."

"My pleasure," Jane said. She stepped forwards and reached an arm out. Sean moved his arm and pushed her away. Jane only stepped forwards again, her fingers gripped his wrist which she swiftly pulled around his back and before he could react, she pulled his other arm behind too. "You wanna mess with someone? Don't mess with a Homicide Detective. Especially one who's homosexual."

"Get the hell off me," he said, struggling under her grip. Maura handed over a set of handcuffs they kept in a drawer and Jane slapped them across his wrists.

"It's a good job we have a first amendment," Jane said, pushing him towards the front door. If we had better laws I'd take you down town myself."

"You can't do this." He struggled against the cuffs. "I have rights."

"Calm it down, Minister Sean. I'm not arresting you." She walked him down the front walk. "Instead I'm going to walk you to your car, unlock the cuffs and you're going to go back to whichever hole in the ground you came from."

"You can't keep her from me. She's my sister."

"Yeah?" Jane asked. "This one yours?"

"Yes. It's mine. I have a right to look after her."

"Funnily enough, she doesn't want your help. Funnily enough, she's my _daughter_. Daughter trumps sister." She pushed him roughly against the car as she unlocked the cuffs. "Now get in the car and get the hell away from me before I do something I regret."

He opened his mouth to speak, but Jane just walked away. She moved slowly, until she heard his door close and the engine start. She ran back up to the front door and entered the house.

"What the hell happened here?" Jane asked, rushing to the floor beside the dining table. Ashley lay on the floor, her shirt red with blood. Maura's hands pressed firmly against her side. Toby screamed in his high chair.

"I can't stop the bleeding. Call an ambulance. I think we need to go to the ER."


	20. Chapter 20

**Author Notes** : THANK YOU so much to each and every one of you who has shown an interest in this story - comments, alerts, favourites, etc. they're all so very much appreciated. We've come to the end of this story now... *sheds a tear* but as quite a few of you have said a part 3 might be appealing to you, it's probably not the end of this world. I hope you enjoy the last chapter, and...well...who really knows what's going to happen in the next part? I certainly don't, yet. We'll see if my brain can come up with something. I'd really like to carry it on, but it does depend on whether I can get a solid enough idea to last more than a chapter.

* * *

Ashley's fingers were cool in Jane's hands. She fought back the lump that settled in her throat and ignored the incessant worry creeping up on her. This shouldn't have happened. She shouldn't be sitting there again, at Ashley's bedside, praying to a God she didn't know she believed in that she would be okay.

Too much had changed over the last couple of years. She craved a simpler life. Whatever happened to working almost every day, watching the game and drinking beer? When did she become a family woman? When did she become a mother? When did she become someone who had spent far too long at someone's bedside?

The squeeze of her shoulder pulled her out of her thoughts. She glanced at the fingers wrapped around her upper arm. Then on up to the beautiful face staring down at her with curious, yet sad eyes. To the child in her other arm his own equally curious eyes demanding answers to questions he couldn't yet ask.

That was why.

They were why.

She leant forwards. Her elbow on the edge of the bed as she ran a hand through her tangled mess of hair. She wanted to close her eyes and wake up back in the blissful world she'd had for the briefest of moments before Ashley showed up.

But then she wouldn't have her daughter.

She felt Maura's arm wrap around her shoulders, her head rest against the side of her neck, the dribble of Toby's mouth on her bare skin. She laughed. A distant sound that couldn't possibly be attached to herself. Her shoulders dropped and she gave in to the heavy weights resting there.

"I can't do this anymore," she said, though her voice was equally as unfamiliar as her laughter.

"What can't you do?"

She said nothing. She didn't know how to explain.

"I'm here, Jane," Maura whispered. The beauty of such few words reached directly into her heart and pulled her happiest thoughts back up.

"I loved being a cop. I've done it for twenty years. It's a lifetime…it was my identity. I was a cop before I was anything else."

"Was?"

She squeezed Ashley's hand and watched her chest rise and fall. Her heart ached. "I don't want to be a cop if this is what you have to go through every time I get injured."

She sat up taller and let go of Ashley's hand. Jane turned in her seat and reached out for her, clutching at the back of her dress as she wrapped her arms around her and listened to the gurgling of her empty stomach.

At some point the early afternoon had turned to night. The windows provided only a wall of darkness.

She looked up at Maura. "I love you too much to break your heart."

Lowering Toby down onto the floor, Maura reached out and cupped Jane's cheeks. Her smile small, yet bright. Age was growing on her face, but every line had become something so familiar that Jane couldn't help but love them all. Her vision blurred, her cheeks grew damp. Maura brushed away her tears and brushed her lips with her own.

"You love being a cop."

"I love you more. Toby, Ashley, I don't want to die because some bozo with a stupid haircut gets trigger happy when I'm trying to arrest him. I don't want to make a mistake and leave you alone. Not now, not ever."

"What are you saying, Jane?"

"I don't know what I'm saying. There's got to be something more. Maybe we could try to have another baby. Maybe I could be a stay at home mom to Toby. Maybe we could sell the house and travel around the world until we grow old. Maybe we can just be together without worrying that I may not come home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. No. I've waited too long for this. For you. I don't want to waste it on petty criminals."

"Are you sure this isn't adrenaline talking? You've been through a traumatic incident. The doctors said Ashley is going to be fine. She just needs to rest up, and not strain herself again."

"I don't want you to go through this. Not because of my job."

"You said yourself it's always been more than just a job."

"I don't care anymore, Maura. Something needs to change. Maybe I'm making a rash decision because of today, because of Ashley, but maybe it'll be the best decision for us. For our family."

"Mom?"

Jane froze. The lump in her throat ached. She turned back around. Ashley lay with her eyes wide open.

"No, sweetie, it's Jane."

Ashley rolled her eyes. She wondered if that was what she looked like when she did the same. "I know."

Jane's cheeks ached. Her eyes filled with tears. An overwhelming emotion flooded her and she didn't quite know what to do with it.

"How are you feeling?" Maura asked, noticing Jane's show of emotion. She always knew how to take care of her.

"Sore."

"The good news," Jane said. "The doctors say you can come home again tomorrow."

"Is Sean gone?" she asked.

Jane ran a hand across Ashley's forehead, brushing her hair back across her head. "He's gone."

x

"The little pig said to the big pig 'whatchu lookin' at?'" Jane said, putting on a silly voice.

From the kitchen, Maura watched her reading. Toby sat on her lap, giggling at her voice and pointing at the pictures as Jane held the book out in front of him. The little baby she'd struggled to bond with was gone. He was a little boy now, growing every single day, learning and seeing the world differently as he learnt to navigate his way in the world. Time passed by so quickly.

Before she thought she'd never get the family she always wanted. Now they'd expanded from herself and Toby, to Jane and Ashley, as well. Who knew what would come next.

The way Jane was talking at the hospital worried her, if she was completely honest. She feared the dangers of being a cop. More so since she'd given birth. Being on the outside of it as the Medical Examiner always gave her enough distance that it didn't bother her as much. Now Jane was her son's other mother. He deserved his whole family to be around to see him grow up and deep down she'd felt everything Jane had vocalised the day before at the hospital. Maybe it would be better that Jane didn't risk her life to apprehend suspects?

The only problem was that her thoughts were selfish.

Jane couldn't give up her career. Her career was everything to her. Maura couldn't ask her to do that. She couldn't be responsible for Jane's loss of identity. Nor did she want to lose a part of Jane that made her fall in love with her in the first place.

"And they all lived happily ever after...the end!" Jane closed the book and placed it on the coffee table. Toby wriggled off her lap and walked himself around the table before falling down onto his butt and crawling across the floor to a pile of toys.

"You'd get bored," Maura said, walking across the room and sitting down beside her. Jane looked up, her eyebrows creased. "You can't give up your career for me."

"What if I gave it up for me?"

"You said yourself, Jane, you'd do it because you don't want me to hurt if anything ever happened to you. You could just as easily get hit by a bus tomorrow."

Jane signed. "I thought I'd never want this, either. But I do. I don't want to do it anymore."

"But what will you do instead? You would get bored. You will spend a week alone with Toby and by the end of it you will bring him to BPD and try to help me with a case."

"Not if I'm distracted with something else."

"What something else, Jane?" Maura asked. "I want you to be happy. But I know you. You don't rest. You don't do nothing. You won't survive without stimulation."

"Maybe I'll go back to college."

"What would you study?"

"I dunno...yet."

"I can't let you do this unless you have a plan. It'll only end in tears, otherwise."

Fear overwhelmed her. Not the fear of losing Jane to a shootout. Not watching Jane die at the hands of a criminal. Fear of watching her fall apart without something to hold onto. She tried to get Jane to take vacations in the past and never had she survived more than a few days without needing some kind of stimulation. Maura stared at Jane, her dark eyes staring back. She tilted her head to the side. Maura creased her brow. She didn't look like her usual self. There was something about the way she stared back at Maura that unsettled her.

"I want to have a baby, Maura."

She didn't want to believe what she was hearing. The words had caught her attention at the hospital but she didn't think Jane really meant them. Why would she? She threw them out there alongside wanting to give up being a cop. Everything Jane said the evening before was some kind of worry-filled delusion.

"Are you sure?"

"I thought I didn't want to have children. When I got pregnant with Casey I didn't know if I could do it. Who was I to have a baby? I was a mess. Then Toby came along, you came along, and everything changed. Why wouldn't I want a baby with you, Maura? Toby and Ashley mean everything to me. I feel as much Toby's mum as I think I ever could. It's not that I don't see him that way. But he didn't start out mine. I want to have that. I want to bring a life into this world, with you. You and me. Let's make a baby."

"Jane..." she tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come. She didn't know how to say the things running through her mind.

"You don't have to agree right now. If you want to think about it, that's fine. I'll have to keep working for a few weeks anyway. Maybe we can talk about it again when I've worked my notice."

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Talk about it again?" Jane asked. "Yeah."

"No. Quit your job."

"I've made my decision."

Maura nodded. She reached out and grasped Jane's hand. "Then I'll support your decision."

x

"My daughter grew up with brothers, so she's always been tough. The hardest, strongest woman I have ever met. I don't think anyone could catch Janie in races at school, she played all the sport she could, and then she trained to be a cop. Am I glad she's given it up? Of course I am, I didn't want her to get killed, but I'm also really proud." Angela stood up straight, her eyes a little damp as she held a glass up in front of her. "I thought Jane wouldn't ever have the happiness she's found with Maura. Even if I am angry that they got married without telling anyone. But I'm glad they let me throw them this party. I love you both so much. To Jane and Maura."

The room filled with a chorus of voices. "Jane and Maura."

Jane squeezed Maura's hand and smiled at her through watery eyes. She nodded to her mother and raised her glass to her. She sat back down beside Jane. Then Jane stood up.

"Thanks, Ma. The last couple years of my life everything changed. If you'd asked me before if I saw myself marrying a woman, or at the very least the love of my life, I would have laughed." Jane glanced around at Maura. Then her eyes moved around the room from family member to friend to family member. "If you'd told me I'd have a son, I'd have probably rolled my eyes. If you'd told me my daughter, who I gave up twenty years ago, would find me and want me in her life, I'd have doubted every word that came out of your mouth afterwards."

"I still can't get over it," Korsak said loudly.

Jane laughed and smiled at Ashley. "My whole family means the world to me. So I want to thank you all for being here at our wedding celebration. You are our family. You are all the people we care about most in this world. My brothers, Ma, my nephew. Maura's parents. Maura's birth mother. Thank you all for sharing with us this moment. We wouldn't be here without your love and support. To everyone."

She raised a glass and watched as everyone else raised their glasses and repeated her sentiment.

Once the fuss had died down, and the waiters brought out the desserts, Jane sat down, her fingers still interlinked with Maura's as she leant in and brushed her lips with her own. Maura reached out and cupped her cheeks, holding her there for a moment longer. When she pulled away briefly, Jane stared back into her eyes.

"Let's make a baby," Maura whispered.

"Let's make a baby," Jane repeated, wrapping her arms around her and holding her tight.

"What are you two whispering about?" Angela asked.

"Nothing, Ma," Jane said. "Finish your cheesecake."

"I don't like cheesecake."

"Yes you do. You love cheesecake."

"Strawberry cheesecake. This is vanilla."

"It's the same thing, just without the strawberry goo."

"It is not the same thing," Angela said. "I'm right, aren't I Ashley?"

"Don't look at me!" she said, running a finger across her plate and licking her finger.

"Maura?"

"Cheesecake is not something I have much knowledge about," Maura said. "I imagine the strawberry coulis influences the flavour somewhat."

"I told you, Janie."

"You did not just do I told you so on my wedding day."

"You didn't get married today," Angela said. "Somebody got married weeks ago without even inviting their own mother."

"Do you have to?" Jane asked. "Maura and I are trying to enjoy a nice dessert with our family and you're trying to play the not invited to the wedding card?"

"Maura," Frankie said, walking over with Toby in his arms. "I think we have a code brown."

"Code brown?" Jane asked. "Are you five? Deal with it yourself."

"I don't have his diaper bag."

"Yeah, yeah," Jane said, reaching out to Toby and picking him up as she stood up. "I'll sort it."

"Ooh, cheesecake," Frankie said, quickly sitting down in Jane's seat.

"Get your own! Mine had better still be there when I get back." She shifted Toby from one hip to the other. "Maura, don't let him eat my cheesecake."

"Frankie, don't eat Jane's cheesecake," Maura said, smirking as she took her spoon off her empty plate and scooped some of Jane's cheesecake into her mouth.

"Hey!" Jane said.

"What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine," Maura said.

"It's a good job I love you so much," Jane replied, leaning down and kissing her briefly, before carrying Toby off to the restrooms.

 **THE END**

 **(Note: any ideas/prompts that could help for part 3 would be welcomed... )**


End file.
